Love, Life and Infertility

Crazy!!!

2009-11-06T21:07:00.004-05:00

This week has really showed me just how crazy some people are. Between the crying over the gay marriage right not passing and the Ft. Hood shootings it is scary in this world. I am just in aw with what some people will go to to prove a point and so sod for the families affected. My prayers go out to them.

Wednesday we were able to get a bit of stuff done. Not only the usual grocery shopping but we were able to find Jocelynn's birthday dress at Sears. She picked it out abd I have to say she looks beautiful in it! I will be taking out family pictures this weekend as long as the weather holds out and it doesn't get too cold.

The princess dress!

We are still waiting on on our PCP to call us with information on the referral for John's specialist appointment. Looks like John will be calling him again on Monday!

Congratulations to all my CO sisters who have recently received their wonderful BFP!!!!! I am over the moon happy for all you ladies!

Seeing a Specialist

2009-11-03T17:00:00.000-05:00

John's appointment didn't go as I expected. The Dr. said that the vericocele is not the reason for his low sperm count because his morphology and motility are good. She said that the morphology and motility are what is usually affected when the vericocele is the reason for infertility.

So we are off to see a specialist at Mass General. Waiting to speak to our PCP for a referal, hoping to get that this week and hoping for an appointment with the specialist by the end of the year.

I'm kinda numb right now. Then as I was leaving the appointment and heading to work I heard 2 commercials on adoption (2 different stations).

I'm not sure what to do anymore. I guess we are waiting again......

Happy Halloween!!!!!

2009-10-31T19:39:00.003-04:00

I can't believe Halloween is here. That means the rest of the year is going to fly by!

Trick or treating was fun......short.....but fun! We went to 3 houses, Jocelynn looked at me and said "mommy, I'm done. Can we go home?" She wanted to go home and eat her candy......lol I was a little disappointed, but she really didn't need all that candy.

My little pirate....arrrrrrghhhhh

We have also been working on cleaning out one of the spare bedrooms upstairs. We want to put all of Jocelynn's toys up there! I am hoping to finish this project this week.

John has his surgery consult on Monday. I will update again then! Have a great weekend!

On to yet another cycle!

2009-10-28T14:05:00.003-04:00

CD1 today! Not a big shocker since I have been spotting for 2-3 days. I just always get a little hopeful that this is the month that our dream comes true. It would have been very fitting to get pregnant the month before John;s surgery.....lol. It just wasn't in the cards for us.

John's surgery consult is coming up fast. 11/2 to be exact. I feel strange being excited and worried at the same time. I hate the fact that John has to have surgery but is also an answer to a lot of the issues he is dealing with. I am by no means thinking this is going to solve everything. In fact it may solve nothing, but we will never know until we go down the path laid before us. We have to try all the options and starting with the easiest and least expensive is a good idea. I know it sounds funny to call surgery easy and inexpensive, but the other treatments are much more involves and more out of pocket cost....not to mention IVF is around $30,000 an pop. Insurance pays for NONE of this.

Let's not step up on that soap box. I could go on and on..........but i won't.

Life has been crazy it seems. Halloween is right around the corner and I hope the rain lets up so we can take Jocelynn trick or treating on Friday night. She is going to be a Pirate and I will post pictures over the weekend. Here is her halloween picture we sent out. She had to have the picture taken with Spanky!

2009-10-15T16:30:00.000-04:00

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day. Please keep these families in your thoughts and prayers and light a candle from 7-8pm!

waiting.......again

2009-10-14T19:53:00.002-04:00

John received a call from out PCP today. He has an appointment with a Urologist on Monday 11/2. Our PCP said he pulled some string to get him in that early. Hopefully his surgery will be scheduled shortly after that! Seems John has a thing for going in for surgery around Thanksgiving. Last year he had his sinus surgery 1 week before Thanksgiving....lol

Life has been pretty boring. John and I are in the process of cleaning out one of the other bedrooms in the upstairs for Jocelynn. Here current bedroom is right next to our bedroom (they share a wall) and she kicks in her sleep. So John and I are up at least once a night. Also we hear every little sound she makes. The bedroom we are cleaning for her is down the hallway, still close enough for us to hear her when she really needs us, but we are hoping to get more sleep at night. Also we are planning on finally moving her toys out of the living room and into her bedroom, her new room is much larger then her old room. Plus the new room has a closet. Right now she is using an Armour and it just isn't big enough for her cloths.

We will be saving her old room as a nursery, it is already painted yellow and green, very gender neutral. Also it is close to our room which works out well with babies! We will see, I feel like we are putting the cart before the horse but I'm trying to be optimistic with the resent news we have gotten about John.

News from the Dr.

2009-10-09T17:23:00.002-04:00

John had a visit to the Endocrinologist that didn't go exactly how we expect. The Dr. ordered more blood work, another semen analysis and an u/s on John's testicles.

John went yesterday for the u/s and the Dr. called us today with the result. Sure enough, John has a moderate Varicocele. I am slightly relieved and worried all at the same time. Of all the treatment options this is the 'easiest' and I say easiest lightly. But this mean John will have to have surgery, which always scares the hell out of me!

On the TTC front this is good news. After doing some reading and research, this could be the answer to John's low sperm and testosterone issues.

We are now waiting for the Endocrinologist and our Primary Care Physician to talk to each other and determine the next step we take. It seems our lives are always a waiting game.

Please keep John in your thoughts and prayers. He seems to be handling this diagnosis ok, but I am worried about him!

A LONG 3 weeks!!!

2009-10-04T17:08:00.002-04:00

It has been a busy 3 weeks, Right after my last post we had company arrive and they have been here ever since. I is nice to visit with the in-laws. We went to Rochester and Deerfield fair. Done some apple picking and was able to can apple sauce and butter! YUMMY!

The last few days have been relaxing. Company is leaving tomorrow, and although I will miss them it will be nice to get back to life. Relaxing and falling back into the day to day stuff.

On 10/1 John had an appointment with an Endocrinologist to see what needs to be done to help with his low testosterone. We didn't get the answers we were looking for. He was willing to help, but were we are still TTC another child, he suggested we see an Endocrinologist who specializes in Male fertility issues. We will either be going to Mass General or Lahey Clinic in Mass. Depends I guess on which of the Dr.'s can see us first. Please keep John in your prayers. He seems to be having a hard time dealing with all this.

On the TTC front, we are officially starting out 36th cycle. :(

What is going on!

2009-09-14T20:24:00.002-04:00

Seems we are loosing celebrities left and right this year....

R.I.P Patrick Swayze

August 18, 1952 - September 14, 2009

I know this is an older picture of him, but this is how I want to remember him. Not what he looked like while battling his cancer. He will be missed he was a wonderful actor!

"Nobody puts Baby in the corner"

Busy 11 days

2009-09-10T13:44:00.005-04:00

How am i ever going to get better at posting? Stop working so many hours! lol

My schedule has been modified, I now work Mon, Tue, Thur, and Fri. I have Wednesday and the weekends off! Work is in seacrh of yet another person to fill the part-time receptionist/administrative assistant position! I don't want to do it full time! But for now I am! It is frustrating that no one seems to want to do this job. The pay sucks, but with the economy, any job is better then no job! I'm starting to think that maybe it is me, but then I slap myself because that is crazy! Who wouldn't want to work with me.....lol. Let's hope the 4th time is a charm!

I am feeling better, I still have a cough, but it is MUCH better then it has been! Pneumonia sucks! Jocelynn is also better. Her cough is gone, except when she gets really active!

Labor Day weekend was great! We spent alot of time with family and just enjoyed relaxing.....even though we were constantly on the go, it was relaxing! I guess it had to do with the act that I had a 4 day weekend!!!!

Saturday (9/5/09) we went on a whale watch! Can I just say it made the top 3 of the best experiences of my life! It is amazing the beauty that God created! (I will blog about this later with pictures!)

Sunday (9/6/09) we went to Church, a birthday party and spent the afternoon at the Alexanders just relaxing!

Monday (9/7/09) Happy labor Day!!!! We spent the afternoon at Fort Foster enjoying the sea breeze and the fresh air! It was so relaxing!

Tuesday (9/8/09) John and I spent it at home! It was great to spend the time just the 3 of us!

All in all we have been keeping busy, filling our time with family trips. Still scheduled to do are another whale watch (I would go every weekend if I could afford it!) and a trip to the aquarium in Boston!

The only bad news about this weekend is AF decided to make her monthly appearance! So on to cycle 35! :(

Still sick!

2009-08-30T15:08:00.000-04:00

I will be calling the Dr. in the morning. I still have a very persistent cough and it has become very annoying. I have been on antibiotics for the last 2 weeks and I am tired of it! Not sure what else she may do, but we will find out tomorrow.

Jocelynn has also come down with a cough! So looks like I will be making an appointment for her at the Dr. as well tomorrow! I am hoping it is just a little chest cold and not pneumonia!

The other thing that really stinks about this month, is because I have been sick and on a class C antibiotic, we have had to put TTC on hold this month. Not like I have been really feeling in the mood anyways! Even though I know it is highly unlikely (not completely since we did have 1 or 2 instances when I was feeling better...lol) I still have small hope. Especially since there have been 2 nights, thurs. and sat., when I vomited. I keep telling my self it is from the mucus in my chest breaking up, but there is still a part of me that is hopefully it may be a good sign.....stupid me!

Only time will tell, AF is due on 9/6 so we will see! I really hope she makes an appearance since I will be extra worried with having taken the antibiotic, but I am leaving it is God's hands!

Busy, Busy, Busy

2009-08-26T21:19:00.009-04:00

I can't believe how much time has gone by! We have been busy and I have been sick.

First of All, 8/8/09 we went the NE Dragway to see the Jet Cars under the stars! It was GREAT! Jocelynn loved it! She now want to drive a jet car.....I DON'T think so!

The Big Boy!

Waiting for the races to start!
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We have been spending allot of time in the pool. It has been nice and hot here!

Jocelynn Swimming like a big girl!

Jocelynn and Brooke 'relaxing' in the pool!
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I have been very sick. Fighting Pneumonia! I couldn't believe that I came down with a winter ailment in the middle of summer. I had been fighting a cough since 7/23/09 and was too stubborn to go the Dr. Finally on 8/14/09 I went and sure enough.....pneumonia! I am now nearing the end of my second antibiotic and I still have a small cough. Looks like I may be heading back to the Dr. in a few days if the cough doesn't give it a rest!

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HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY WONDERFUL HUSBAND! I took the day off from work (8/19/09). We went to the movies, saw Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince, very good but much darker the the previous. Then I took him out to dinner at our favorite restaurant, Texas Roadhouse....and then we did a little shopping! I was still not feeling well, but pushed myself for his sake. It was worth it, he said he had a great day! He also had 2 other 'parties'. One on the 18th with the Alexanders and one on the 22nd with my brothers and parents! He may be a little spoiled but he deserves it!

So as you can see, life has been busy and interesting! There is still more I want to post about....but there is always another day! Hopefully I will be able to get back to posting regularly, I am currently training a new girl at work, and I am hopeful that my hours will be decreasing to 2 days a week (Monday and Friday) in the next couple of weeks! Keep your fingers crossed for me!

Damn.....onto the next cycle

2009-08-10T12:59:00.003-04:00

OK....so the witched showed today....early!!!! GAAH!!!!!!!!

Onto cycle (I have kinda lost count) 30-something! We are trying a new herbal treatment. Thanks Beth! I will let you all know what happens!

John should be starting his testosterone treatments in the next week! Maybe this will be it! It's getting hard for me to be excited or optimistic about any of it! Just hit me in the head and smarten me up....lol

I have been a really bad blogger....life is so crazy! Working full time really sucks up alot of my time!

I will have a longer update with photos at some point this week!!!!

R.I.P. Grandpa Farris

2009-07-24T09:16:00.004-04:00

R.I.P. Donald (Grandpa) Farris: 11/12/1940 ~ 7/18/2009
You will be forever missed and I Love You!

SOMERSWORTH — Donald Allan Farris, 68, passed away early Saturday morning, July 18, 2009, at the Dover Rehab Center.

Donald was born Nov. 12, 1940, in Norwood, Mass., the son of Stuart and Margaret (Burhoe) Farris.

Mr. Farris graduated from Walpole High School in 1958. After graduating, Donald joined the U.S. Air Force, where he served for eight years.

Donald was employed at Robbins and Napa Auto Parts stores, where he was the store manager. He was a member of the Berwick Fire Department, as well as a policeman and firefighter in York, Maine. He was a member of the Berwick American Legion Post 79.

Donald was an avid Boston Red Sox and New England Patriots fan, as well as a NASCAR fan, favorite driver Mark Martin.

Mr. Farris was predeceased by his father, Stuart Farris; brothers, David and George Farris, a sister, Linda Farris and grandson, Travis Denbow.

Survivors include his wife of 33 years, Joan (Carpentier) Farris of Somersworth; his mother, Margaret (Burhoe) Farris of North Carolina; son, Allan F. Bradeen of Rochester; daughter, Carrie Chisholm of California; three stepsons, Robert Tibbetts of Berwick, Maine, Allen Tibbetts of New Durham, and Shawn Tibbetts of Berwick, Maine; a stepdaughter, Linda Denbow of Gonic; his brothers, Bill Farris of Connecticut and Ken Farris of Massachusetts; his sisters, Ellen Deorsay of New York and Janet Richards of North Carolina; 13 grandchildren; eight great-grandchildren; and many nieces and nephews.

Memorial visitation will be held Thursday, July 23, from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m. at Laing-Bibber Funeral Chapel, 36 Rochester St., Berwick, with an American Legion service at 7:30 p.m. A Memorial Service will be held Friday, July 24, at 11 a.m. at Laing-Bibber Funeral Chapel with the Rev. Stephen Weaver officiating.

In lieu of flowers, donations in Donald's memory can be made to Cocheco Valley Humane Society, 262 County Farm Road, Dover, NH 03820 or American Lung Association of Maine, 122 State Street, Augusta, ME 04330.

It has been a while....again

2009-07-17T17:28:00.006-04:00

Things have been crazy. I am still working full-time at she shelter (CVHS). I am enjoying getting out of the house, but I am ready to slow my weeks back down. I just don't seem to have the time to do all I want now that I am working!

Not alot has been going on over the last 3 weeks, just spending alot of quality time together and enjoying the sun shine that has blessed us lately!

Here are a few pictures of the water fun!

The first day in the pool!
Our first time in the ocean! Jocelynn loved it!
Sparklers!!!!!
Daddy and his girl!

John goes for his Master Electrician test on Wednesday 7/22. This is good, because if he doesn't get his job back at Gemini, he can go into business for himself!

I am onto cycle 33. AF decided to show her ugly face this morning. I wasn't expecting anything this month. It has been nice, the last 2 month have been very nice not being obsessed with TTC. I havn't taken any meds, or vitamins, not temping and for most of each month I didn't even know what cycle day I was on! It was great! We are going to try herbal supplement this month. I guess we will see what happens!

This weekend will be great! Our friends from DE are coming for a visit!

Congratulations A & A K!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

What a week!!!

2009-06-26T22:05:00.004-04:00

This week has been pretty laid back....at least according to the last two weeks.

Wednesday John and I went to see Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen! AMAZING!!!!! If you like a move that is action packed from the very beginning, go see the movie! Actually just go see the movie and thank me later...LOL

Tonight John and I had a much needed date night. It is always nice to reconnect as a couple!

The entertainment world has had a huge blow this week with the death of 3 icons!

Ed McMahon: March 6, 1923 ~ June 23, 2009

Farrah Fawcett: February 2, 1947 ~ June 25, 2009

Michael Jackson: August 29, 1958 ~ June 25, 2009

Long overdue update!!!!

2009-06-22T18:13:00.013-04:00

Here we are.....almost 2 weeks after my last post! I have been a bad blogger. Life has been crazy and fun! Here is a run down of what has happened!

Wednesday June 10, we headed down to Delaware at about 3:30 pm. It was to visit my in-laws and our best friends for the dedication of our nephew!

Jocelynn and her buddy Gabby!
Tyler Cesar! What a sweet little boy!

Thursday (June 11) we spent the day looking at a camper my father-in-law bought and we were able to get to the local Christian book store and buy John a new Bible and I was able to find a Bible cover I liked! We also were able to eat at out favorite sub shop, Cleveland Avenue Subs! You have not had a great sub until you have had one of theirs!

Friday (June 12) I realized that Jocelynn was 3.5 years old......I had a little cry because my baby is growing so fast! I Didn't have long to be upset because we headed to Pennsylvania with The Garcia's to Arnold's, a fantastic indoor arcade/play place! It was so much fun and Jocelynn and Gabby were hilarious!

Saturday (June 13) We spent the day just lounging and catching up on 'stuff'.....lol. We did some shopping and John and I purchased a new digital camera because our old one was dying....It is a Nikin Coolpix S220 and I LOVE it! Even though out previous camera was only 3 years old, it was slow and I had a hard time getting the pictures I wanted! This one takes the picture when I push the button!!!!!

Gabby and Jocelynn with Grandpa Miller in the back!

John and Julio playing Wii!

Sunday (June 14) Was Tyler's dedication to the church! After the Church service, we went to a BBQ and just spent more time together! It was a beautiful, relaxing time!

The girls before the service....They had the same
print on their dress, but different color!

Jocelynn "taking care of the man in the bounce house." lol

Monday (June 15) Happy Birthday Julio! The ladies (me, Jocelynn, Gabby, Jody and Jody's niece Casey) went for pedicures! It was the first time Jody and I had had one and I am thinking it is going to become a regular thing! Of course....miss Poopie pants Jocelynn didn't want to join in the fun, she watched!
The ladies enjoying their pedicures! Gabby jumped right up in the chair...lol
Jocelynn just watching......

John and Julio went to the movies after we got home! We were also able to get a sitter for the kids and have a much needed adult dinner! It was fantastic!

Tuesday (June 16) Headed home. Sad to leave, but we missed home and our bed!

The rest of the week was pretty uneventful and we all tried to catch up on the lost sleep from the previous week!

Saturday (June 20) The Somersworth Children's Festival! It was fun and the weather was beautiful!

Jocelynn making her princess crown!
Blowing bubbles with Daddy and Auntie Bobbie!

Sunday (June 21) Happy Father's Day! We started father's day with breakfast....there were 11 of us! and then a cookout with family!

Phew......It has been a busy 2 weeks and I am ready to relax and not do much for a few days! The weekend will bring another day trip to the park! It is tiring and relaxing all at the same time.....LMAO!

On the TTC front, AF decided to show her ugly face on Friday (6/19) so we are on to month 32..........

So until the next update....enjoy and God bless!

7 Years

2009-06-08T16:00:00.001-04:00

Happy Anniversary to my wonderful husband! We have been married for 7 years and I can't believe how fast it has gone by! What else can I say without getting too mushy? Not much! lol

I Love You John!!!

Living Life....

2009-06-01T18:11:00.002-04:00

Things have been busy. Jocelynn, John and I have been spending a lot of time together (when I am not working) and it has been great! Things are going as well as can be expected. I am working 35-40 hours a week and John's first unemployment check should be here this week. I hate collecting unemployment but we can NOT live on what I make. John looks everyday to see if there are any jobs available out there and of course there are none that he is qualified for...*sigh*

We are still not 'actively' TTC. I'm not even sure what CD I am on....which is a strange feeling for me....but at the same time it is nice. It has stopped being the center of my life and I can and I am focusing on much more important aspects.

I believe through all this, my relationship with God has become stronger.

What A Weekend!

2009-05-26T19:09:00.000-04:00

It was Beautiful!!!! Lots of family time and just enjoying the beautiful outdoors!

Saturday: John attempted to take Jocelynn to dance class...she still didn't want anything to do with it. One more week, it's already paid for, and I will be letting the teacher know that I am pulling her and we will try again next year.
The rest of the day was spent working around the house!

Sunday: Church was exactly what I needed. Pastor Roy knows how to speak to my heart and say exactly what I need to hear.
After church we went to my SIL house. We had a BBQ, and played red neck golf....lol. It was nice to spend the afternoon with family and laugh!

Monday: Happy Memorial Day! Thank you to all the men and women who have served and are serving our country!
We spent the entire day at Fort Foster in Kittery Maine! IT WAS BEAUTIFUL! It was exactly the kind of day you want everyday! It felt like vacation! I am sunburn, but it is well worth it! I am open to spending an entire day each weekend there, as long as the weather is good!

Working

2009-05-23T13:09:00.004-04:00

After my first week back at work I am exhausted! It was nice to be back at work. Thankful this comes at just the right time. I am able to work up to 40 hours a week until the end of June and then I will start on my regular schedule of Monday and Friday. Looks like we will be getting Jocelynn in to preschool soon, at least on the Mondays and Fridays I will be working. I am just hoping I can find one that isn't too expensive.

This week has been gorgeous weather wise and John and Jocelynn have had some fun together outside. This has been great for them and they have been spending some much needed one on one time (with Wyatt too...lol)

Grampa Young is officially all moved in. It will be a big period of adjustment but one we have no choice on making! I can't believe how unappreciated some of his children were after he spent most of him life taking care of them. SELFISH! I think it is good that he is back living here, I am home most of the week. I just hope the rest of the family doesn't forget about him!

I have started a full exercise and diet routine. I have surprised myself with the motivation I have had! If you wanna follow my struggle with weight loss and help keep me motivated, check out my other BLOG!!

Have A Great Memorial Day Weekend!!!!!!!

Praise God!

2009-05-20T12:28:00.003-04:00

God really does work miracles in our lives! I was offered a part-time position at CVHS! It will be two days a week, Monday and Friday and it is just what I needed right now! I LOVE staying home with Jocelynn, but have missed the adult interaction and feeling like I am contributing to the income for the family. The ladies there are great and in the last year I have missed them and I am so happy they are willing to welcome me back with open arms!

The next few weeks I am going to try and pick up as many hours as I can (at least until John goes back to work)!

The other reason this is so exciting, it allows us to take our trip down south in 3 weeks. When John was laid off, that trip was put on hold for obvious reasons! Now it is back on! I can't wait to have a few days with great friends, see my niece and meet my new nephew!

All I have to say is praise the Lord! You are truly amazing and I am blessed!

Let Down

2009-05-19T16:54:00.002-04:00

So this month was another disappointing month! BFN.....I don't know why I bother getting my hopes up. We are at a cross roads in our TTC journey.....we have decided that we can't go to the Dr. and do meds, but we are not going to prevent! Call me irresponsible but I can't see the point of using birth control when we have such a hard time getting pregnant.....if by some miracle we do get pregnant we will make do! It will kill me to put it all completely on hold. I guess only time will tell!

One thing this month has shown me is the WONDERFUL friends and family I have supporting us through this journey! I love you all and because of you I can continue on every day!

Happenings.........

2009-05-17T11:47:00.003-04:00

Friday I worked a full day! It was nice and I forgot how much I miss the ladies I used to work with! I have 3 more days to enjoy...lol

Yesterday we went to the beach! It was overcast and cold, but we had fun flying the kite!!!!

Tomorrow is my BETA! I am nervous and excited! I really hope it is good news....I don't want to have to take a break! But we will make it through whatever the results are!

I have also learned in the last couple of days that there are some Psychotic people in this world! People who believe that they are mistreated and wronged and will attack and try and bring down innocent people who are trying to live their lives and better the lives of children who deserve a happy home! I love you girl! and please don't let what the psycho woman says mean anything to you! She needs some serious help!

Some Good News

2009-05-14T09:03:00.002-04:00

My previous employer informed me yesterday that my replacement is on vacation until Wednesday, and if I wanted to come in to work I could! (She is new and hasn't earned any vacation time, so she is taking the days unpaid.)

I jumped at the chance! Anything to make a few extra dollars and visit with the ladies I adore at work!!!!!

I will be working all day Friday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday!

The Lord works his wonders in my life everyday!