Long Overdue Update

5 years....That a long time and A LOT has happened.

The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly....you figure out which is which!

Jocelynn in now 13 years old.....yes, you read that right...13 years old. Officially a teenager and living up to the teenager status. Don't get me wrong, she is a FANTASTIC kid! Academically she is focused and determined to get the best grades she is capable of. Even with her multiple trips a year out of town (We will get to that in a bit). She has gotten into some trouble with inappropriate use of her cell phone and internet, and of course her sass and attitude have increased 10 fold, but the trouble she gives me in those areas she more then makes up for in her academics and loving and caring nature. She is just more then I could have ever expected to be blessed with as a daughter!

John and I are no longer married.....infertility will truly make or break any relationship.

We were officially divorced in July 2017. While not what I had intended for my life, the reason behind the divorce are private and don;t need to be rehashed again. Let's just say we are still friends and get along wonderfully, both for Jocelynn's sake and just as friends which we were for many years before we started dating. He is now remarried and they have an adorable little boy together. Jocelynn LOVES her little brother with all her heart and soul. The do live in the midwest, so Jocelynn doesn't get to see any of them everyday, but John and I make sure that she visits them every 8-10 weeks.

I have met a fantastic guy who is more then I could have ever hoped for and made me realize what I was missing in my marriage. Jocelynn has met him and they get along famously! It is still a fairly young relationship (6 months), I feel like I am finally truly me, not who I thought I needed to be. He is hilarious, caring, thoughtful, and accepts me for me without putting unrealistic expectations on me.

I have gone back to school...If my calculations are correct, graduation will be 2021. Goal is to become an ultrasound technician. I'm on my second full semester. With full-time work and full-time single parenting, I could only sanely do part-time school. The best thing...I'm not paying a single cent out of pocket. Being a single parent, I qualified for a Grant that pays for my tuition and books!!!

I'm starting another blog, no more updates here. I figured a new chapter in my life requires a new blog. Keep up to date by visiting here:

joceysmom.blogspot.com

April Update.

April!!!! Yay!!! That means nicer weather and spending more time outside in the sunshine!

April started off slow, but before I knew it, it was over. I was happy to spend some time with my nieces and nephews. I am lucky that this seems to be a regular occurrence for me. It makes me so very happy. I wish some of my older nieces and nephews were closer!

John and I had parent teacher conference at the beginning of the month. I have never been more proud of Jocelynn. Her teacher had very positive things to say about Jocelynn. She continues to love math, writing, and spelling....so much so that she is excelling in those three subjects. Reading seems to be the only place she needs improvements and that is because she tends to hurry too much and doesn't really seem to enjoy it when she reads. John and I have been working with her. We seem to have found a routine that works great for her. every night when she goes to bed, she reads for 30-60 minutes. Not only has her fluency improved (she was having a problem with that) but also her love for reading has improved. She actually asks to go to bed to read. Reading and bedtime used to be a battle every night, now she looks forward to both. It has made the stress in the house much less. 

We also managed to really enjoy April vacation together. With very little fighting and arguing when it came to cleaning her room!

The month of april had it's downs for me.....lol....the screen on my iphone broke. Luckily with the apple insurance I was able to get it fixed, but it is still one of those things that stinks.

Gage celebrated his 3rd birthday. I can't believe how fast he has grown.....Aunties (not so) little man!

John was able to convince me to drive the four wheeler....I may be hooked! It is so much fun!

Easter was eventful as always! Its so fun to have the family together and watch the kids find the eggs! Jocelynn's gifts were scaled back this year, and she didn't seem to mind. Thankfully I have managed to not completely spoil her yet!

I started a new adventure! I decided to make and sell some of my jewelry. Check out my facebook page ~ https://www.facebook.com/pages/Beading-by-Sam/271575239685854 ~ and the items are available for sale on Etsy!

Also, I guess I did manage to upset Jocelynn at some point because I came across this drawing on out white board...

All in a day as a mother and father!

Congratulations to my friend Angie and her hubby Andy on the Finalized adoption of E!!!!! I am so very beyond the moon excited for the two of you!

On the ttc front.....No news. Still working on getting healthy, both physically and mentally. 

March Update!

March started with John's shoulder surgery on the 7th. Everything went great and John was in a sling for a week and on light duty at work for a month. Everything is healing great and John seems to be mostly pain free by this point. He still gets some aches ever once in a while, I mean they shaved some of the bone away in the joint. The Dr.s says he should be fully healed on 18-24 months. Already he is feeling much better and is happy to be able to work and play without too much pain!

While John was recovering for surgery I came down with a awful stomach bug. In fact, my stomach first protested in the recovery room after John's surgery. The poor nurse was taking care of me instead of John....I felt awful. I assumed it was my nerves. I was very nervous and anxious for this surgery....I'm not sure why....and didn't eat anything all day. I though now that I knew John was going to be ok, my body decided to show me how unhappy it was with me. 

That was not the case. It started at 5pm at the hospital and ended about 2am at home. I was running the the bathroom every 20-30 minutes. I couldn't even sip water because it would make me run to the bathroom sooner. I felt like I was literally dying. 

Thank goodness for my Mom. Once again she comes to the rescue. She ended up having to take care of John, myself, and Jocelynn. At one point my vomiting was so bad she was ready to put me in the car and take to the ER. Which for her to get to that point, you know things must be pretty bad. 

My biggest concern was making sure John didn't come down with this awful bug. I couldn't imagine vomiting right after shoulder surgery....but he did. Both Mom and John ended up with the bug. Not as bad as what I had, thank goodness, but still miserable none the less. Mom ended up down and out for a few hours on the 9th and John vomited just a couple times on the morning of the 10th. Lets just say that weekend and most of that week was a "trying to get better" for all of us.

It took all of us a good 4-6 day to "get back to normal". All of us lived on scrambled eggs, toast, and roman noodles for most of the week.

By the 11th I was able to get of the couch for more then just bathroom breaks, and the weather was so warm that day. I decided to open the windows and doors and Lysol as much space as I could. I definitely did not want that bug to hang around.

The end of March I was able to spend a bit of time with my nieces and nephew. I love them so much and they bring so much joy to my heart.

One of my favorite pictures of Keira and Gage!

With the nicer weather that March brought, Jocelynn has been spending most of her days (when not in school) outside! She loves to ride her bike and scooter, and jump rope. I also love that she has a few friends who live in the neighborhood and she is able to go from house to house to play or they all come to our house (we have the swing set). I also imagine I will be see most of them a lot during the summer since we are the house with the pool!

Also, with the nicer weather, John has had spring fever. The Fourwheeler seems to be a favorite activity for both John and Jocelynn. I'm glad we have some trails up the road so they can enjoy.

John and Jocelynn enjoying a ride around the yard! Thank goodness all that white stuff in the background is now gone!

Oh, and a proud sister moment, my brother made the front page of the local newspaper. I don't alway brag about either of my brother (I am super proud of both) but Cory being a firefighter scares me everyday, but I am also so very proud of what he does!

Update on 2014 so far....

Here we are in March.....already. I can't believe time flies so quickly.

January and February were filled with Snow, Snow, and more snow.... It is crazy how much it has snowed here.

The tree in the front yard. It is know half way blocked by a snow bank.

I have also spent lots of time with Gage and Keira. Its so nice to have little ones around.

The two munchkins!

I have spent all of this year so far sick. Started at the end of December, which I finally went to the Dr. in January. I had an outer ear infection, two different medications over two weeks cleared that up...or actually moved it to a middle ear infection with bronchitis. So an antibiotic, otc sinus med, and 2 cough meds later it cleared up for about 4 days right around my birthday.

But I was sick again after a few days, went back to the dr. because I still had a horrible cough, a super sore throat, and was super tired. I would sleep 8-10 hours at night and then take a 2-3 hour nap in the middle of the day. She tested me for strep throat and mono...both tests came back negative, it was a virus. I just couldn't catch a break.

Still today, 2 months after the dx of the first ear infection I still have a cough and sore throat. I am waiting for a call from the ENT Dr. My pcp told me my tonsils are huge, and I am afraid I have tonsillitis and will need my tonsils removed. As scared as I am of the pain I would be in from the removal, I can no longer deal with the pain in my throat at this time. At least with the surgery I know the pain will end, right now I don't know if it will ever.

Jocelynn has been doing fantastic in school. She is "extremely bright and a joy to have in class" her teacher says. She is also an exceptional writer. She is writing at a 3rd grade level and is able to add detail and voice when she writes. She seems to enjoy to write and I pray she continues if it makes her happy. I can't believe we are in the last half of 2nd grade for her. I wish she would slow down!

Jocelynn and Spanky

In February I turned 35.....I know some people make a big deal out of this number, but for me it was just another day.

John and I decided this year to purchase one large gift for each other for all the holidays - birthday, mother/father day, anniversary, etc. ~ So john purchased a four wheeler so he can go trail riding with his buddy. He is like a little kid. I am happy to see him so happy and I hope and pray he will get out often because he needs some time with the guys.

John and his four wheeler

I decided my gift would be a girls weekend with my CO sisters. These ladies have been there for me for over 7 years now. I couldn't imagine making it through this infertility battle without them! I can't wait to meet many of them for the first time in June and I know it is going to be a blast that weekend!

The house being rented for Girls Weekend!

John and I also booked our annual Myrtle Beach trip. September never comes fast enough for this trip! I can't wait to spend time with family and friends again and just relax!

Home Sweet Home in Myrtle Beach!

Today John is having surgery on his shoulder. He has arthritis and bone spurs in the joint and a small tear in his rotator cuff. The Dr. is optimistic that they will not need to repair the tear which means John will be in a sling for a week and on light duty at work for a month. Prayers would be greatly appreciated for this!

On the TTC front.....obviously no new baby. John and I have decided to focus on getting healthy. I have started a new exercise challenge/routine with my fantastic CO sisters and I am truly enjoying it!

We have decided that we are content with having only one child. Jocelynn is a miracle and a true blessing. I thank God everyday that she is in my life. Would we like another child, of course, the likely hood of that happening is slim to none. But, God has His plans for my life and I trust those plans are amazing and I am willing to follow this path that He has set out for us.

Long Overdue Update!!!

Wow....over a year since I last updated....Lets see if I can update all in one post....lol

February 2013: John and I purchased a new car! We traded in the GMC Envoy for a 2013 Kia Rio. I was worried about the size difference, but now a year later I can say it really isn't a problem. Plus, we are saving money on the payment and gas!!

The new car!!!\

I turned 34, which was a huge deal.

March 2013: Jocelynn tried Karate! She seemed to really like the first 2 classes, but then decided that it wasn't fer her. It was an expensive adventure, but if she had wanted to do it then I would have supported her.

The end of March saw the ending of a era....at least for me. I left my job at the shelter. After 9 years I had enough and decided it was time. To this day I miss the people I worked with (not management) and all the animals, but it was the correct decision of my sanity and to save John and I's marriage!

April 2013: I was able to get a new job as a receptionist with a local eye doctor. I really enjoyed it at first, but then I was asked to do things I was morally comfortable doing so I left that job at the end of August.

My Handsome Nephew, Gage Robert, turned 2!

Can't believe he is 2!

May 2013: May brought the nice weather and that chance to get outside!

I along with my sister-in-law and a friend were able to see one of my favorite bands in concert ~ NEEDTOBREATHE at the House of Blues in Boston! I can say it was amazing and I can't wait to go see them again!

NEEDTOBREATHE!

Jocelynn had her first dance recital! What a proud mommy moment! She was fantastic and seemed to really enjoy dancing on stage!

All dressed up for recital!

Jocleynn is the 6th from the left

Memorial day weekend we were able to make our first trip to the beach! What a refreshing day out in the sun near the water. I swear we are all happier when we are in the sun on the beach (even when the water is to cold to do more then dip your feet in for a few minutes!).

My favorite shot from our first beach trip!

June 2013: Happy Anniversary!!!! John and I celebrated 11 years of marriage. Man it went by fast!

We also were able to visit friends while they were camping and had a blast!

Jocelynn and her friend Zach!

He really loved her!

Jocelynn "graduated" from the 1st grade! My baby is growing up way too fast!

July 2013: Sun and Heat!!!! It was lovely!

In July we were able to get out, enjoy the pool and go camping!

My favorite picture of the rug rats in the pool!

We also found out that Jocelynn has a dairy intolerance. She is not completely lactose intolerant, but can only have a limited amount of dairy at a time. We have stared giving her almond milk and she really enjoys it. In fact she will drink the almond milk much easier then I could get her to drink the regular milk, so that is a bonus. I have changed out eating habits to modify for less dairy, or make a substitute for her. Most of the time she can not tell of the substitute, but every once in a while it is awful! It is a learning curve and I will keep moving forward with it! I hate seeing my baby in pain with the awful stomach cramps!

August 2013: Happy Birthday John!!! John turned 36. The love of my life is getting old...lol. I tease him I am going to trade him in for two 18 year olds, but he knows better!

I left the job at the eye doctor for moral reasons!

September 2013: Jocelynn started the 2nd grade......*sigh*

As a result of the issues from the eye doctor job, I was having severe anxiety attacks. I decided to go to the Dr. I was tired of the lack of motivation and wanting to sleep more then be awake. What was my diagnosis? Severe Depression....WHAT!?!?!?  I started a medication routine that consisted at first on 10mg of Citalopram and 3000 iu of Vitamin D3. I did have to up the Citalopram to 20mg once a day, and that seems to be a good dose for me. I go back in June of 2014 for a med check.

At the end of the month we took our (what is becoming annual) family trip to Myrtle Beach, SC. It was a wonderful week at the beach with family and friends! The drive was awful, but with the new car we were able to drive down, around town for the week and home for less than $250. I could get 1 plane ticket for that! So financially it made a lot of sense!

Our home away from home for 8 days!

One of our favorite attractions!!!

My beautiful Niece, Keira Chanel, turned 1!!!!

Happy 1st Birthday!

October 2013: John and I ordered a new sleep number bed!!! Our old mattress was 13 years old so it was time for a new one. We priced mattresses for 2-3 months and realized that the sleep number was in the same price range as regular mattresses with a better warranty! So we bought it! It was one of the best decisions we ever made! Both John and I have slept like babies!!!

With my visit to the Doctor in September, she suggested I have a sleep study done. So after fighting the insurance company, the approved an at home sleep study. Not as bad as it sounds and I was able to have a fairly normal nights sleep! What the study showed was abnormal sleep pattern, so an appointment with a neurologist was scheduled for January.

John also had to go to see an Orthopedic because he had some severe shoulder pain. After an MRI, it was determined that he has arthritis and bone spurs in the joint and a small tear on his rotator cuff. He decided to try some anti inflammatory medication to help with the pain. The Dr. told him that most of the pain was most likely from the arthritis and bone spurs not the tear.

Keira took her first steps during a family dinner get together so we were able to all witness and video tape it!

November 2013: Brooke Elizabeth turns 8!!!

The beautiful birthday girl!!

We decided to have family picture done as a large group this year, there are 12 of us! As well as individual groups! The turned out great!

Our 2013 family picture

Our beautiful baby girl!

The four kids!!!

The entire family!!!

Decemeber 2013: Jocelynn Noelle turned 8!!!! Man the time has flown by! Where is my baby?!?!

"8 years ago my life changed in ways I never imagined but for the better! At 1:58 am we 
welcomed our beautiful daughter, Jocelynn Noelle, into the world. 
You are my world and I am so very happy and proud to be known as your mom!
 I love you very much!!! Happy 8th Birthday my miracle child, you truely are a blessing from God!"

As a SAHM, I decided to start some crafts. My first was a homemade, double sided tree skirt. I was able to finish the first side this year and will finish the second side next year. I think it came out fairly nice!

Not too bad!

John decided that the anti inflammatory drugs were not working, so he decided to try a cortizone shot to get through the holidays! It worked grate but only lasted about 6-8 weeks.

So.....there is my 2013 update. Thanks for reading all the way to the end, I will post more later!

Week 5...

Amazing how much changes in a course of a few weeks.

So here we are in week 5 and I am 99% normal (let's be honest I was never 100% normal anyways). In fact I have been 99% normal since week 3/4. The only lasting side affect I have is the damn weepy eye. Luckily it only bothers me when the room is low lit or dark and I am staring at a screen (phone, computer, or tv screen).

In other medical news, I went for my annual echocardiogram (which was 2 years overdue) for my pulmonic stenosis. The results are good - no significant increase in it. This is great news! No change means no need to try and "fix" the issue. One more year of not worrying about whether or not I may need open heart surgery!

Jocelynn had her first dance recital! I think I was just as nervous as she was! She did FANTASTIC!!!! She kept telling me all day that she didn't want to go to her same show. But I just explained that there were people counting on her to be there. So she participated and loved it! She can't wait for the recital in May which will involve a costume and make-up!

John and I purchased a new car! We got rid of the gas guzzling, needed too much money to fix envoy! We replaced it with a beautiful, fully loaded Kia Rio! I LOVE it!

On the 8th we had one of the largest snow storms I remember. We had between 2 and 3 FEET of snow. In fact after plowing, the snow banks are taller than Jocelynn and she is 52 inches tall! Jocelynn has been enjoying playing in the snow which includes her favorite of sledding down the snow piles!

So....I turned 34 on the 10th. It was a weird birthday for me. I was excited (like I usually am) but I wasn't dreading it either. It was kinda just another day. Maybe because I was so focused on Jocelynn's dance recital (which was the same day).

On the TTC front....no news. John has been working a bit out of town, which it makes it hard to coordinate and I am focusing right now on loosing weight.

I have made small milestones in the weight loss! I have cut out soda except for Fridays at lunch and stayed within my calorie range and tracked my food on a more consistent basis! My next milestone to accomplish is to add excessive 3 times a week for 30 minutes each time (small steps - this will be increased!)

One week down...

One week since my trip to the ER....I don't see much improvement. I expected not too, I can close my eye fully, but can't keep it there. So I'm still wearing the eye patch at night. It's not as bothersome as I thought it would be. I still can't wait until I don't need it anymore.

The pain is not something I expected. Especially today, a burning, achey feeling. Super sensitive to the touch. I am done all my medication today and i have a follow appointment with my pcp on Thursday., so I hope I can get an answer to the reason for the pain.

End of a crazy week

So....we are at the end of a crazy week!

I am feeling better, still on the mend. After 4 days of medication I don't see too much improvement. The ladies at work told me I looked better today, so that is good but yesterday was an very fought day. Yesterday I was in a lot of pain...my eye wouldn't stop weeping and in fact I had to wear the eye patch at work to get anything done, the computer screen hurt to look at.

I am still havering to wear the eye patch at night, it's not as annoying as I thought it was going to be. I am sleeping quiet well with it on, but I can't wait until I don't have to wear it.

My mouth and speech makes me self conscious. I am speaking out of the right side of my mouth, but I will continue to work on improving the muscle function.

Jocelyn. Had her first play date after school with a friend that lives in the block. They seem to have struck up quiet the friendship and are adorable together.

Yesterday was her annual check up. As usual the doctor is concerned with her weight, and after my scare this week, there are a lot of changed being made in the house this weekend. Other then the that the doctor said she is looking great and smart as a whip. She is 52 inches tall ( at 7 years old) and had perfect eyesight (thank goodness she takes after daddy!)

John is still dealing with a bit of pain in his neck/back from the degenerated disks. We are still in conversation mode with the doctor on the best course to help him manage his pain. Our last option is surgery and I don't know what that entails an how much mobility he would have with that route. I think physical therapy and/or a chiropractor is our first step.

Here is praying for a quieter, less stressful an exciting week to come!

ER visit...

So today I took a trip to the ER...Not how I wanted to start the new year off!

I'm ok, scared out of my mind and thankful it wasn't anything too serious...

Monday night (1/7) It started with a teary eye. I would get an intense burning feeling and the my eye would water/cry about every 10-15 minutes. I thought I had something In it irritating it, I would to to bed and wake with a goppy eye, but it would be better.

So I wake up this morning (1/8) and my eye isn't any better, in fact it is worse, it tears/waters continuously.

I get to work, in a meeting and I can tell my mouth on the left side isn't working right....my boss also mentions something doesn't look right. Like I had been to the dentist and had a shot of Novocain. WHAT!!!

I call my dr immediately, she informs me she wants me to be examined at the ER, she believes it is Bells Palsy, but does not want me to drive myself just in case.

My first thought is am I having a stroke? At 33 years old that sounds crazy, but anything is possible.

Sure enough, I was diagnosed with Bells Palsy.

I can't close my left eye fully, and the left side of my mouth won't smile, but it will reverse itself. It may take 4-6 weeks, but I got treatment within 24 hours of the first symptom, so I am hoping that is my favor. So steroids and an antiviral medication as well as an eye ointment and an eye patch for sleeping is my treatment.

I keep thinking how much worse it could be, and I am very blessed that is wasn't something major, but head symptoms suck!!!

So with these medications, TTC is on hold until next month.

My "big" smile....more like a grimace!

The pirate me, wearing the eye patch I have to wear every night until my eye closes on its own.

Quieter now

Not too much has happened so far in the first week of the new year.

Jocelynn went back to school on the 2nd, so the evening have been full of a very tired child. It is amazing how they forget the routine in such a short amount of time. This week dance and Girl Scouts start back up, which means another week of grumpy and tired Jocelynn!

Happy Birthday to my wonderful mother! She turned 57 on the 4th. We haven't had a chance to have family dinner, but that will happen this week (as long as my brother gets over the flu and no one else catches it).

John and I are looking into a possible vacation soon. Unfortunately there are too many places we want to go, so I guess make decided where to go is first on the list!

On the TTC front, obviously still no positive test. I can't believe is has been a year since we miscarried first, and almost a year since the second. Which means we should have a little one here (between a few weeks and a couple months old). If only It had been in Gods plan for one of them to thrive.

I will be starting my herbal supplements again, as well as work on my weight loss. I know I have to patient, but that is easier said then done, but it is all in Gods plan not mine!

Happy New Year!!!

Goodbye 2012 and hello 2013!

Happy new year!

And happy anniversary toy loving wonderful husband John! I can believe 13 years ago today started out beautiful life together! I love you!

John and i rang in the new year last night with Jocelynn and Brooke....or they tried! The girls fell asleep about 35 minutes before the ball dropped ( or as jocey says "tonight we get to watch the bomb drop!")

Another in eventful New Years. It hasn't been the same since family moved south 3 1/2 years ago. I am determined to spend New Years with them VERY soon!

I received a new phone for Christmas! Hello iPhone nation! I am going to try and update more now that I have the blogger app on it!

Look for more updates soon!

2013 is going to be a fantastic year!

Jocelynn's Surgery

Jocelynn had surgery on June 29th to remove her tonsils and adenoids. I think I was nor anxious about it then she was.

We scheduled her surgery about 4 weeks in advance. I wanted a chance to talk to her about it, but not leave her anxious and nervous about it for too long. She asked my periodically about it, what to expect, how she would feel, who else had the same surgery, if I would be there...the normal questions a 6 year old would ask when faced with the unknown. It was also unknown for me. I have not had that surgery, my brother Cory did when we were little, but I don't remember his recovery. 

The night before surgery was interesting. Jocelynn and I both slept fine (completely shocking to me), I figured she and I would be up all night worrying....you know that is what us mothers do.  :)

We had to be at Wentworth Douglass Hospital at 7am....that was the tough part, waking Jocelynn up...lol.

They took her back for surgery around 9:30. I was able to go into the operating room and hold her hand until she drifted to sleep. That was comforting for both her and I....more for me I think.

Jocelynn in her room recovering from surgery...watching a little T.V.

By 11am we were on the pediatric ward for recovery. She did not spend more than 15-20 in the recover room after surgery. Unfortunately she woke up before I got back to her in recovery - she did great until she saw me and that was when the sobbing tears started. She was a trooper, by the time I got to her in recovery she had 3-4 "bites" of her Popsicle, and was asking for more.

Her biggest complaint was that she could talk and she didn't think she was swallowing at first. The nurse and I had to explain that was the special medicine they put on her throat for the surgery. I'm a bad parent and have to admit that I didn't understand what she was saying. The nurse had to explain to me what she was telling me. Also, now I can look back at it and chuckle....I know she wasn't in pain and she is fine now...so why not have a little chuckle!

We were headed home by 1pm....I was ready to get her home and "baby" her! Before we left she ate 2 Popsicle and drank an entire cup of apple juice and water. She was actually asking for food, the poor thing was hungry as it had been almost 18 hours since she had anything to eat. Unfortunately the only thing they said she could have that had any kind of substance was Jell-o. She ate 3 containers of Jello that night.

The Dr. gave her liquid Vicodin for the pain. She hated the taste and after 3 days of taking it every 4 hours we decided to let her decide if she wanted it...she didn't...until 1 week out. The Dr. told me that at 7-10 days the scabs would fall off and her throat would be painful...sure enough, she was on the Vicodin for 2 more days and then she was done.

I am a very proud Mommy! All the worries I had about her pain tolerance, Would she try and remove the I.V., and possible fight to keep her hydrated was for nothing! She was a trooper and did exactly what she was supposed to!

This is the I.V....that is quite the bandage! It never bothered Jocelynn!

Here is praying that there are no more surgeries in the future...as "easy" as this one was, it still sucks when your child is hurt and you can't do anything to make them feel better!

June Update

WOW....explaining what didn't happen in June may be easier.... Happy Blogoversary to me. I can't believe I started this blog 4 year ago, and unfortunately life has prevented me from updating as frequently but, I still try.

June started out with a Very Happy 10th Anniversary for John and I. We were able to get away for 3 days (without Jocelynn, which was harder then I thought it would be!) Thank goodness for my Mom and Dad who helped with caring for Jocelynn and getting her to and from school while we were away.

We went to Adventure Suites. We decided to go Sunday - Tuesday (Sunday and Monday night) because the room price was cheaper. Sunday night we stayed in the Love Shack, and although I was a little concerned with sleeping on a water bed, it was comfortable and we had now problems. Monday night we decided to spoil ourselves, it was our 10th Anniversary after all, and booked the Jungle Room. This room was worth every penny! We had a fantastic time! The service and people at the hotel were great and even surprised us with a place card that said "Thank you for choosing Adventure Suites and Happy 10th Anniversary!" it was a very sweet added touch. John and I had not been to Adventure suites since 2008 when he surprised me for our 6th Anniversary. It was nice to reconnect as a couple!

Then it was back to reality... which meant someone was sick. Jocelynn came down with non-group A Strep Throat, 2 days before Graduating from Kindergarten and 2 weeks before her surgery to remove her tonsils and adenoids. Luckily she started to get better on her own (before the strep throat was confirmed) but placed her on antibiotics anyways to make sure she was well by surgery.

Jocelynn in her cap and gown for Kindergarten graduation.

Two days later, (friday 6/15/2012) she graduated from Kindergarten. Complete with Cap and Gown. I can't believe she starts 1st grade in the fall. My baby is growing up so fast. The Graduation was cute and Jocelynn was able to read with her fellow graduate. It was a very proud Mommy moment. I was pretty surprised how together I kept it. In fact I wouldn't have teared up at all if it hadn't been for Jocelynn's teacher, Mrs. L. When Mrs. L gave Jocelynn her diploma, she teared up when saying a few words about how much she has enjoyed having Jocelynn in her class and how much she will be missed next year. And you know me, the moment she stared getting choked up, my eyes teared up as well. Luckily We have not had to say our real good-byes since they offer a summer camp and that is where Jocelynn will be this summer. The end of August will be hard. I truly adore Mrs. L and feel blessed to have found her for Jocelynn and had her teaching and influence for the last 2 years.


The following Monday was her pre-surgical visit with Mr O'Day's PA Jodie. She was great! She answered my Many, many, MANY questions and made me feel at ease (as much as you can) with the surgery. The entire office was fantastic and seemed to understand that I was nervous, more nervous then the actual patient.

Surgery was Friday, 6/29, and what a day it was. I will go into more detail in my next post(as this post is becoming very long.). Just know that she did fine and is completely healed (we are 3 weeks out) and it was not as bad as I thought it was going to be.....Thank Goodness. I don't know if I could have handled the worst case situation!

On the TTC front....still nothing. If there was you would have known by now...LMAO! I was hopeful for June since I was ovulation around the time of our Anniversary trip, but at last it was not in God's plan. I am being patient and leaving it all in his hands. Mean while we are still trying and I am working at loosing some weight. 4 pound down.....WAY to many to go!

May Update

May was a little more on the quiet side. It was nice.

I was able to get Jocelynn registered for 1st grade. Can you believe how fast my baby is growing up. She seemed a little overwhelmed with all the kids coming into the school, and she is still not sold on riding the bus. She says I can drop her off at school every morning, which I can, my schedule allows it. I also am not excited about her riding the school bus, but that is just the overprotective me.

Jocelynn also turned into my toothless child. Loosing 3 teeth in 2 days (all in the front). It is really cute when she smiles. I hope we have a little break and she doesn't loose anymore until some of them grow back in.

Here she is missing 3 of her front teeth.

For Memorial Day, Jocelynn and her Daisy troop were in the Berwick Memorial Day Parade. I never realized how much walking was included. She enjoyed it, and at the end the troop sang "God Bless America" and did a great job!

Walking in the parade.

I also found out that I will be getting another niece on October. Jeremy and Ashley are having a little girl! I can't wait. That day will be full of amazing gifts. My oldest niece, Jekka, will be marrying Decklyn on the same day my youngest niece is due to be born........amazing!!!

On the TTC front......nada! I'm not surprised, hopeful, but realistic as well. John and I have decided to focus on becoming healthy. Loosing weight and making better choices overall with our lifestyle. I can do this, especially if it gets me one step closer to having another child.

Overwhelmed!

That one word says it all....overwhelmed.

There is so much going on with Jocelynn, from Kindergarten graduation, to her surgery, I started filling out the registration paperwork for 1st grade next year (public school which I'm unsure how I feel about), and her behavior problems in the last week. I am at a lost.

Not to mention frustration and disappointment at work.

I also seem to be on a huge shit list. I don't feel like I'm doing anything wrong, but it seems there are many people unhappy around me. I feel like I am pulled in hundreds of different directions and can feel myself pulled very thin and on the verge of breaking. I can't even really explain it.....which makes me even more frustrated!

Some of the issue may be the weather. It has been rainy and cool for the last 2 weeks, finally today the sun is out, but I don't feel like going out and enjoying (especially since my hubby is working ALL day)! The only reason I feel I am out of bed is for Jocelynn's sake, and even she seems to be pushing my buttons. I know it is not her fault, but I have had to "take a break" more times then I want to admit.

For once I would like to feel like there is someone out there that doesn't expect me to be perfect! I want someone (besides my hubby and daughter) to make time for me, not vice verse. I want someone to ask me if I am ok, and not expect me to know all the answers. Not leave every decision to be made in my hands. I want to follow, not lead.

I feel like I am put out there to fail. Everyone looks to me to lead so that when shit hits the fan, there is someone to blame.

I can sit her all day and complain....I don't want to. I want to get these feeling out of me and move on! I want to be happy! I'm just not sure how to take that first step in the right direction......I have to keep trying! For no one else except my family!

Jocelynn's Surgery

Yes, Jocelynn is having surgery. She needs her tonsils and Adenoids removed. So, when our health insurance was officially active on May 1st, I called the Dr. June 29th is her scheduled surgery date. I picked that date for 2 reasons, it is after her Kindergarten Graduation (June 15th) and she doesn't have daycare for the July 4th week. With her surgery being on the 29th, her recuperation will be the week of July 4th. So instead of having to take 2 weeks off (the July 4th week because there was no summer camp and post surgery recuperation week, I combined them....I know I'm a genius sometimes....lol)

I'm not going to lie, I am nervous as all get not. My baby girl is having surgery...eeeekkk. Everyone can tell me she is fine, Her Dr. is one of the best, he does this all the time, it like second nature for him....I don't care, it's MY BABY GIRL!!!!!

It was so bad, my heart was racing as I was talking to nurse and scheduling it....*sigh*

She knows she is going to have surgery at some point, I just haven't told her it is scheduled. She has been very nervous about it since we left the Dr. office back in Nov/Dec. I will tell her, I'm just not sure when. I want to do it far enough in advance as to not "spring it" on her at the last minute, but not far enough that she worried herself sick over it (which she will do). I have told her that when she has her treatment so her throat doesn't hurt....and that seems to be ok, it seems to the the big S word (surgery) that freaks her out. 

I guess time will tell, and I am sure she will handle it better then I give her credit for, she usually does.

April Update

Where do I begin with April.

In April, Jocelynn had school vacation and Good Friday off from school. For Good Friday, I stayed home with her and we brought Mulan to the vet. Mulan is perfect (a quote for the vet, but I already knew that). I had the privileged to watch Brooke and Gage for the night, it is amazing that you forget what having a 1 year old is like. They were both great, it was a different routine for me and every time either one of the moved, I was awake....lol

Happy 3rd Birthday to my sweet nephew Tyler! It is hard to believe he is 3 already!

Jocelynn, Brooke and Gage at Easter

Happy Easter!!!!!! Jocelynn, Brooke and Gage were so cute on the Easter egg hunt, although Gage was bored with it after his 3rd egg....LOL As you can see by the picture, Gage was ready for a nap and not into having his picture taken!

Happy 1st Birthday Gage!

Happy 1st Birthday to my handsome nephew Gage! One year flew, but I am so blessed that my wonderful sister-in-law has kept me up to date on all thing pertaining to Brooke and Gage!

Jocelynn continues to do wonderful in Girl Scouts, but is undecided about next year. Some days she wants to continue, and then other days she says she doesn't. I guess I will continue to ask her and at some point she will have to make a decision.

Work has been frustrating and emotionally draining. That is all I can say about it, but I pray every day that things will change for the better again.

Happy Anniversary to Julio and Jody! 10 years is a wonderful milestone and there will be many more happy years ahead!

The new do!

April also saw a change for me, a new hair style. It is a modified pixie cut (that what my hair stylist calls it) I'm unsure about it. It is definitely different and it will take some time getting used to and figuring out how to style it. Only time will tell.

On the TTC front, John and I are trying some herbal supplements. I can't wait for May 1st when we have health insurance back and I can go back to the Dr. 

March Update

March was a strange and mainly quiet month. Beginning with a snowstorm on the 1st that had me working from home and Jocelynn had no school. In my mind, once March hits, there should never be snow. February is the cut off.

March was a very busy time for me at work. One of our larger fundraising events happened on the 18th, which meant overtime and extra work for myself and fellow co-worker Alaina. It was a very frustrating and patience trying time, but we both survived and the event was great!

On the TTC front, After the disappointing and heartbreaking miscarriage at the end of February, we decided to take the month of March "off", reconnect as a couple and not let TTC takeover our lives! It was a much needed break!

February Update

Here is the beginning of the updates.........

What happen in February???? 

First off, let me start by providing before and after pictures of Jocelynn's haircut. She was able to donate around 11 inches to locks of love.

Before....her hair was so long!

After the hair cut!

I was offered full-time at work on January 30th. As much I loved my schedule of working 32 hours, the new 40 hour schedule came with benefits that begin on 5/1/2012! 

February also marks another Birthday for me......33! After 30, another year isn't that bad except for the fact that I am moving closer and closer to 40....

With it being my Birthday month (when you get to a certain age, you celebrate all month!) I was able to have some fun times with some of my closest friends. Alaine, Kayla and Ashley came over on the 4th for Girls night in and then I spent the 11th shopping until we dropped with Andrea! What more could a girl ask for???

February was still pretty calm and laid back, with the weather being still cold and yuck, there isn't much to do outside. Our schedule gets supper busy when the warmer weather hit.

On the TTC front, John and I did receive some very happy news only to be hit with some very sad news. We managed to find out we were pregnant (finally) only to get devastating news a  few days later. Miscarriage is never something I want to hear about, but to experience it twice in 3 months is truly heartbreaking. December 20th and February 20th (both months with important event happening and joyful family times) will forever be slightly painful and tinged with an amount of sadness. 

A full update soon!

Things have been very busy since my last post. I am now full-time at work and that have consumed a lot of my time. I am going to try and get on a night this week and update with everything!!!