May Update

May was a little more on the quiet side. It was nice.

I was able to get Jocelynn registered for 1st grade. Can you believe how fast my baby is growing up. She seemed a little overwhelmed with all the kids coming into the school, and she is still not sold on riding the bus. She says I can drop her off at school every morning, which I can, my schedule allows it. I also am not excited about her riding the school bus, but that is just the overprotective me.

Jocelynn also turned into my toothless child. Loosing 3 teeth in 2 days (all in the front). It is really cute when she smiles. I hope we have a little break and she doesn't loose anymore until some of them grow back in.

Here she is missing 3 of her front teeth.

For Memorial Day, Jocelynn and her Daisy troop were in the Berwick Memorial Day Parade. I never realized how much walking was included. She enjoyed it, and at the end the troop sang "God Bless America" and did a great job!

Walking in the parade.

I also found out that I will be getting another niece on October. Jeremy and Ashley are having a little girl! I can't wait. That day will be full of amazing gifts. My oldest niece, Jekka, will be marrying Decklyn on the same day my youngest niece is due to be born........amazing!!!

On the TTC front......nada! I'm not surprised, hopeful, but realistic as well. John and I have decided to focus on becoming healthy. Loosing weight and making better choices overall with our lifestyle. I can do this, especially if it gets me one step closer to having another child.

Life is moving.....

...and moving...lol

WHat has been going on you ask? A lot!

Jocelynn is coming to the end of the school year. I am so proud of the progress she has made and everything she has learned. I am excited to see her final report card, spending the day with her at Fun Town for the end of year field trip (6/3) and watching her graduate from Pre-School (sometime around 6/17).

Also Jocelynn had only 1 accident for the month of April! So proud of her! John and I decided to take her bowling! It was so much fun!!!!!

Jocelynn's Turn! The Bowling Ball was a little to heavy....lol

She also had a Dr. appointment this past monday. (5/9) Nothing to worry too much about, basically a weight check. In December the Dr. was concerned with her weight, we had an appointment with a nutritionist, and have been trying to have healthier options to eat and snack on and get in more activity. Dr. A just wanted to see the progress we made, and check her weight and height. I am happy to say he is pleased, also I am "upset" to say that Jocelynn has grown 1.5 inches since December....... WOW.....what happened to my little girl? We will also go back in at the end of summer to see how she is doing.

As busy as life is right now, it is only going to get busier.....Along with her Daisy meetings, this week Jocelynn will begin horseback riding lessons and I will be calling this week to sign her up for dance classes (starting early June) at Northern Explosion Dance Studio. She excited about all these activities and it will keep us on the go!!!!

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On to TTC news......this month was a BFN. On to month 57.....

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” ~ Matthew 22:37 

2 weeks....

WOW....2 weeks flies by. It has been CRAZY!!!

I finally had my eye Dr. Appointment on 4/8....It was nice walk out paying nothing! My insurance paid for the entire exam. I was able to purchase 2 complete pair of glasses (online) for under $20 (this included shipping) check out Zenni Optical for the deals!

The glasses finally arrived on 4/25.... here is pair ONE!

Mulan had her annual vet check-up.....she is a healthy 8.5 lbs and is in great health! The vet was very pleased!

Spanky went to the vet...he had to have surgery. He had 2 lumps on his legs and 2 teeth removed. He was very pitiful that night, but is feeling much better now. Here he is the night sfter surgery with his boo boo foot....

Jocelynn had her first field trip with the Daisy troop on the 19th. We went to the Dover Children's Museum. She had a blast and it was really fun to see her playing with her peers.
Here she is in the "queen" throne and as Godzilla....LMAO!

Easter was awesome! It was great to spend the morning at church and the afternoon with family! Jocelynn and Brooke were super cute looking for eggs and Gage was wonderful! Jocelynn was spoiled, per the usual but thankfully there was not a lot of candy to temp John and I off of our diets! Here is Jocelynn in her beautiful Easter Dress and the eggs we colored the day before.

On the TTC front.....it was a BFN this month. So on to cycle 56......John and I are still working on loosing this weight which I know will help us reach our goal of adding another child to our family. So far this month John and I have lost a total of 28.20 pounds....not too bad. I am very proud of us!

This is National Infertility Awareness Week! 1 in 8 couples are diagnosed with infertility.There is a great article here about talking about infertility which still seems taboo to most people. Another great website is RESOLVE . Any thing you need to know is all right there. Education is the key and one day infertility may not be so taboo (remember when talking about breast cancer was taboo.....we will get there!) Another great article (here) about changing the perception on infertility!

I am blessed to have a beautiful daughter (when so many of my sisters are waiting on their first blessing), it took us 3.5 years to conceive her with the help of a RE  and medication......we have been trying for #2 now for over 4 years.......just because I have a beautiful blessing doesn't mean I don't feel the pain of infertility. The anguish and sorrow of being broken. Not feeling like a real woman because I can't do the one thing God put me on this earth to do.

My wonderful husband and daughter and my faith in God has helped me deal and realize the blessing I do have and that my journey in motherhood is not over and we WILL be blessed again! All in God's time!

Ready to ride the roller-coaster again

Month 52 is/was a BFN....not that I expected anything but BFN, but miracles do happen!

Now on to Cycle 53 and we have the green light to actively try!!!!! The last 4 months have been a nice break, but I am ready to ride the roller-coaster again!

I pray that the ride this time isn't as long! I am working on loosing weight to help with my infertility! 16 pounds down, many more to go, but I am doing it! I have the motivation I need! 14 more pounds and my fertility is supposed to increase....we will see! I am hoping to be down 25 pounds by my birthday (2/10/11) I CAN DO THIS!!!!

Another disappointment...

So....this was not our month! I'm ok.....I really put a lot into this month and I an upset and disappointed that I am still a failure as a woman, but I will be okay. God has a plan for me, and I trust in Him!

On another note, John and I are on a break from trying to conceive. Not our choice, it is the Dr. and hopefully next cycle we can get back on track. Please pray we get to see the specialist sooner then later. (I will go into more detail in another post)


*** I am so happy for you JD!!!! Stalking has official began!***

Where did the last month go.....

WOW, a whole month. What is my problem.....oh yeah, it's called life....lol

What have I not blogged about?

Easter ~ Easter was a blast with the girls. I have a million pictures! They actually fought over the eggs, there was 120 eggs and they fought over them....lol. I guess kids will be kids.

Vacation ~ Was wonderful! We had a great week with family and friends. We spend our time helping my Mother and Father-in-law clean out the house they were selling. Celebrating my nephew Tyler's 1st Birthday and spending time with my niece Gabby! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TYLER! and spending some much needed time with our best friends.

Now we are settling back into our routine. It is amazing how much vacation messes you up. I hope to have some time soon to really update.

On the TTC front, we are onto another cycle......#43

Busy 2 weeks....

Things have been busy. Life just seems to fly by me like I am standing still.....

The 11th and 12th I was very sick. Some kinda flu bug, I was in bed for both days and some of the 13th with severe nausea .I am feeling much better now, and no one else in the house has been sick, John is going to the Dr. today because he has a sore throat....I hope it isn't something else that is going around!

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John went for his post-op appointment on the 17th. The Dr. said he was healing well and that he could resume normal activities as long as he felt comfortable. He did put John on an antibiotic just in case, but he believes the pain and redness around his wound is from the knot on the stitches. Time will tell. It is looking much better, but not sure if that is from the meds or the stitch knot dissolving......

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Today Jocelynn went to the Orthopedic specialist about her feet. He did x-rays again and said that she is improving. She still has some issues, but he still believes that they will 'fix' themselves as she grows and gets stronger. He believe that dance, tap and ballet, or karate will help with her strength, so we will be checking on signing her up for one of those. She has been asking about dance class so we will probably try that first.

The Dr. also said that she is advanced in her motor skills for a 4 year old and very strong. She comprehended instructions, ie: stand on your heals, better then most 4 year olds. I was impressed with how quickly she followed his instruction when asked to push her feet, legs and knees different ways. I was a very proud Mommy.....lol

We will go back to see him in a year just to make sure things aren't worse. Over all he felt pretty good with her progress in the last 2 years and the improvement that has been made and the changes shown in her x-rays. We should start to see an improvement in her 'gracefulness' over the next 2 years. We can only hope....lol

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On to TTC news.....we are again onto the next cycle. Not surprising since John's surgery was at the important part of my cycle. Knowing it wouldn't happen this month didn't make the disappointment any easier, but I have handled it well. This is the first month I have not cried.  Cycle 42 here we come.....lol

John and I have decided that we will try without medical intervention until our cycle that starts in June. Then we will do 1-2 months of observation with the Dr., but no meds. Then we will start the Clomid again. John has a s/a scheduled for Sept., 6 months after surgery, and that will give us an idea if the surgery worked. So once again it is all about waiting......I think that is the most frustrating thing about all of this....we seem to always be waiting!

Family Weekend

This past weekend was great! It was relaxing and we spent alot of time together as a family. We went out with My mom on Saturday, and then on Sunday we went to Church and then out with John's sister for lunch/dinner. It was nice to spend time with people you love.

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I was able to purchase another charm for my Pandora (from my grandfather). I wanted the angel of hope, but they were sold out and they said that is one of the charms they are unable to keep in stock. So instead I purchased the dolphin charm. Amyone who knows me, knows that I LOVE dolphins and this is a very appropriate charm for me to have...lol
 

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We are planning a trip down to see my in-laws in the next few weeks. I am excited to see them and our best friends as well!

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John's Surgery is this Thursday. I won't lie, I am extremly nervous. I know he will be fine, I just hate the thought of him going through this. I won't know alot until late Thursday or Friday, so I will update when I can.

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On the TTC front, we are onto cycle 41......Damn you AF! I see a light at the end of the tunnel, I just feel like I am not reaching it quickly enough......I am not a very patient person and the battle with infertility has stretched what little patience I have to their limit. I can do this! I will be stronger then Infertility!

Merry Christmas!!!

I hope all my wonderful friends and family had a fantastic Christmas! My was great! Jocelynn was a lot of fun this year. It was very exciting to see Christmas through her eyes!

John and I didn't do much for each other this year, we exchanged a few gifts via a stocking. The most important thing is that we were together!

Jocelynn received some clothes and quite a few toys. I am really glad to have a toy room to put all of them in for her! Her favorite by far is the toy train table and accessories that my parents gave her and the Barbie house Santa gave her! I think once we get her Leapster 2 going she will have fun with that!

Christmas eve was great! We attended the Christmas Eve Church service and then headed to my Brother and Sister-in-laws house to enjoy a feast of Chinese food and decorate Christmas cookies for Santa! It was so much fun watching the girls glob on icing and sprinkles....lol

The only mood killer on Christmas is that we are on to the next cycle. Even a holiday could keep AF away.....

On to yet another cycle!

CD1 today! Not a big shocker since I have been spotting for 2-3 days. I just always get a little hopeful that this is the month that our dream comes true. It would have been very fitting to get pregnant the month before John;s surgery.....lol. It just wasn't in the cards for us.

John's surgery consult is coming up fast. 11/2 to be exact. I feel strange being excited and worried at the same time. I hate the fact that John has to have surgery but is also an answer to a lot of the issues he is dealing with. I am by no means thinking this is going to solve everything. In fact it may solve nothing, but we will never know until we go down the path laid before us. We have to try all the options and starting with the easiest and least expensive is a good idea. I know it sounds funny to call surgery easy and inexpensive, but the other treatments are much more involves and more out of pocket cost....not to mention IVF is around $30,000 an pop. Insurance pays for NONE of this.

Let's not step up on that soap box. I could go on and on..........but i won't.

Life has been crazy it seems. Halloween is right around the corner and I hope the rain lets up so we can take Jocelynn trick or treating on Friday night. She is going to be a Pirate and I will post pictures over the weekend. Here is her halloween picture we sent out. She had to have the picture taken with Spanky!

A LONG 3 weeks!!!

It has been a busy 3 weeks, Right after my last post we had company arrive and they have been here ever since. I is nice to visit with the in-laws. We went to Rochester and Deerfield fair. Done some apple picking and was able to can apple sauce and butter! YUMMY!

The last few days have been relaxing. Company is leaving tomorrow, and although I will miss them it will be nice to get back to life. Relaxing and falling back into the day to day stuff.

On 10/1 John had an appointment with an Endocrinologist to see what needs to be done to help with his low testosterone. We didn't get the answers we were looking for. He was willing to help, but were we are still TTC another child, he suggested we see an Endocrinologist who specializes in Male fertility issues. We will either be going to Mass General or Lahey Clinic in Mass. Depends I guess on which of the Dr.'s can see us first. Please keep John in your prayers. He seems to be having a hard time dealing with all this.

On the TTC front, we are officially starting out 36th cycle. :(

Busy 11 days

How am i ever going to get better at posting? Stop working so many hours! lol

My schedule has been modified, I now work Mon, Tue, Thur, and Fri. I have Wednesday and the weekends off! Work is in seacrh of yet another person to fill the part-time receptionist/administrative assistant position! I don't want to do it full time! But for now I am! It is frustrating that no one seems to want to do this job. The pay sucks, but with the economy, any job is better then no job! I'm starting to think that maybe it is me, but then I slap myself because that is crazy! Who wouldn't want to work with me.....lol. Let's hope the 4th time is a charm!

I am feeling better, I still have a cough, but it is MUCH better then it has been! Pneumonia sucks! Jocelynn is also better. Her cough is gone, except when she gets really active!

Labor Day weekend was great! We spent alot of time with family and just enjoyed relaxing.....even though we were constantly on the go, it was relaxing! I guess it had to do with the act that I had a 4 day weekend!!!!

Saturday (9/5/09) we went on a whale watch! Can I just say it made the top 3 of the best experiences of my life! It is amazing the beauty that God created! (I will blog about this later with pictures!)

Sunday (9/6/09) we went to Church, a birthday party and spent the afternoon at the Alexanders just relaxing!

Monday (9/7/09) Happy labor Day!!!! We spent the afternoon at Fort Foster enjoying the sea breeze and the fresh air! It was so relaxing!

Tuesday (9/8/09) John and I spent it at home! It was great to spend the time just the 3 of us!

All in all we have been keeping busy, filling our time with family trips. Still scheduled to do are another whale watch (I would go every weekend if I could afford it!) and a trip to the aquarium in Boston!

The only bad news about this weekend is AF decided to make her monthly appearance! So on to cycle 35! :(

Damn.....onto the next cycle

OK....so the witched showed today....early!!!! GAAH!!!!!!!!

Onto cycle (I have kinda lost count) 30-something! We are trying a new herbal treatment. Thanks Beth! I will let you all know what happens!

John should be starting his testosterone treatments in the next week! Maybe this will be it! It's getting hard for me to be excited or optimistic about any of it! Just hit me in the head and smarten me up....lol

I have been a really bad blogger....life is so crazy! Working full time really sucks up alot of my time!

I will have a longer update with photos at some point this week!!!!

It has been a while....again

Things have been crazy. I am still working full-time at she shelter (CVHS). I am enjoying getting out of the house, but I am ready to slow my weeks back down. I just don't seem to have the time to do all I want now that I am working!

Not alot has been going on over the last 3 weeks, just spending alot of quality time together and enjoying the sun shine that has blessed us lately!

Here are a few pictures of the water fun!

The first day in the pool!
Our first time in the ocean! Jocelynn loved it!
Sparklers!!!!!
Daddy and his girl!

John goes for his Master Electrician test on Wednesday 7/22. This is good, because if he doesn't get his job back at Gemini, he can go into business for himself!

I am onto cycle 33. AF decided to show her ugly face this morning. I wasn't expecting anything this month. It has been nice, the last 2 month have been very nice not being obsessed with TTC. I havn't taken any meds, or vitamins, not temping and for most of each month I didn't even know what cycle day I was on! It was great! We are going to try herbal supplement this month. I guess we will see what happens!

This weekend will be great! Our friends from DE are coming for a visit!

Congratulations A & A K!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Long overdue update!!!!

Here we are.....almost 2 weeks after my last post! I have been a bad blogger. Life has been crazy and fun! Here is a run down of what has happened!

Wednesday June 10, we headed down to Delaware at about 3:30 pm. It was to visit my in-laws and our best friends for the dedication of our nephew!

Jocelynn and her buddy Gabby!
Tyler Cesar! What a sweet little boy!

Thursday (June 11) we spent the day looking at a camper my father-in-law bought and we were able to get to the local Christian book store and buy John a new Bible and I was able to find a Bible cover I liked! We also were able to eat at out favorite sub shop, Cleveland Avenue Subs! You have not had a great sub until you have had one of theirs!

Friday (June 12) I realized that Jocelynn was 3.5 years old......I had a little cry because my baby is growing so fast! I Didn't have long to be upset because we headed to Pennsylvania with The Garcia's to Arnold's, a fantastic indoor arcade/play place! It was so much fun and Jocelynn and Gabby were hilarious!

Saturday (June 13) We spent the day just lounging and catching up on 'stuff'.....lol. We did some shopping and John and I purchased a new digital camera because our old one was dying....It is a Nikin Coolpix S220 and I LOVE it! Even though out previous camera was only 3 years old, it was slow and I had a hard time getting the pictures I wanted! This one takes the picture when I push the button!!!!!

Gabby and Jocelynn with Grandpa Miller in the back!

John and Julio playing Wii!

Sunday (June 14) Was Tyler's dedication to the church! After the Church service, we went to a BBQ and just spent more time together! It was a beautiful, relaxing time!

The girls before the service....They had the same
print on their dress, but different color!

Jocelynn "taking care of the man in the bounce house." lol

Monday (June 15) Happy Birthday Julio! The ladies (me, Jocelynn, Gabby, Jody and Jody's niece Casey) went for pedicures! It was the first time Jody and I had had one and I am thinking it is going to become a regular thing! Of course....miss Poopie pants Jocelynn didn't want to join in the fun, she watched!
The ladies enjoying their pedicures! Gabby jumped right up in the chair...lol
Jocelynn just watching......

John and Julio went to the movies after we got home! We were also able to get a sitter for the kids and have a much needed adult dinner! It was fantastic!

Tuesday (June 16) Headed home. Sad to leave, but we missed home and our bed!

The rest of the week was pretty uneventful and we all tried to catch up on the lost sleep from the previous week!

Saturday (June 20) The Somersworth Children's Festival! It was fun and the weather was beautiful!

Jocelynn making her princess crown!
Blowing bubbles with Daddy and Auntie Bobbie!

Sunday (June 21) Happy Father's Day! We started father's day with breakfast....there were 11 of us! and then a cookout with family!

Phew......It has been a busy 2 weeks and I am ready to relax and not do much for a few days! The weekend will bring another day trip to the park! It is tiring and relaxing all at the same time.....LMAO!

On the TTC front, AF decided to show her ugly face on Friday (6/19) so we are on to month 32..........

So until the next update....enjoy and God bless!

Let Down

So this month was another disappointing month! BFN.....I don't know why I bother getting my hopes up. We are at a cross roads in our TTC journey.....we have decided that we can't go to the Dr. and do meds, but we are not going to prevent! Call me irresponsible but I can't see the point of using birth control when we have such a hard time getting pregnant.....if by some miracle we do get pregnant we will make do! It will kill me to put it all completely on hold. I guess only time will tell!

One thing this month has shown me is the WONDERFUL friends and family I have supporting us through this journey! I love you all and because of you I can continue on every day!

Doing Better

I won't lie. I was crushed yesterday. I was so hopeful with this cycle because my P4 level was wonderful! I'm doing better, but my cycle hasn't started. I haven't had the 3 days of bleeding that is a constant reminder of the failure I am as a woman.

John and I have decided to have is s/a done along with any other test he can get done. Unfortunately the Dr. feels that it has to be an issue on his end because my body is doing everything 'normally'. John mentioned wanting to have his testosterone checked and I will be researching herbal supplements that he can take. We have also decided that we will be doing an IUI this month. He told me that his boss will have to deal with him being late to work one day because having a baby is more important to him. This is why I love this man with all my heart!

On to happier news, I had a dentist appointment. It was uncomfortable as usual, mad worse by the medication I have taken in the last 30 days. But NO CAVITIES!!!! That is great news for me. My teeth are soft and I can count on one hand the number of times I have gone for a cleaning and not had a cavity. Not often. It is nice to hear! Now I don't have to go back until October!

Jocelynn is great. She seemed to realize that I was upset yesterday. She kept hugging and kissing me and saying, "Mommy, I love you." I am truly blessed to have her. She knows exactly what I need to feel better.

LIFE

I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter! We did. It was a blast and fun to see the girl in the yard looking for eggs. We had a great Ham dinner and spend some great time with family!

She was so cute coloring Easter eggs. She had a ton of fun!

She was a spoiled girl on Easter morning! She was so excited!

She had so much fun looking for the eggs. She kept saying, "I found another one Mom!"


In other news, I went to the Dr. today for my BETA.....BFN. So on to cycle #30. This month we will have a John will have a s/a done and we will hopefully doing an IUI.

CD 1

Ahhhhhhhh. That is all I want to scream at the top of my lungs! Going to try the Soy again. CD 5-9 this cycle. Seems to help and at least I Ovulated normally. Again, I had some IPS (imaginary pregnancy symptoms). Nauseousness, sore breasts, fatigue, and cravings. I really thought we may have hit a lucky month, and once again the truth comes and crushes my dreams. Surprisingly, I am not that upset. I guess I am getting to the point were I expect the negative every month. All I can do is keep going along and pray that God sees fit to bless us with another child.

One more cycle and we are back to the Dr. with the big drugs.

CD1

So much for the pregnancy symptoms (soar bb's, Nauseousness and tired all the time) and wishful thinking! This morning AF showed and I couldn't be more depressed about it. I am just tired of this rollercoaster ride and want to get off! Unfortunately I won't get of until I hear the greatest sentence on earth: "you ARE pregnant!!!!"

So I will have my pity party today and then tomorrow I will be ready to tackle the next cycle! This cycle John and I decided to try Soy Isoflavones. I figured it still fits into my "no meds until March" because it is natural! I hope we don't have to go back to the Dr. in March and this is the little help that we need! Wish us luck!

Not to go find something bad for me to snack on.....so much for my diet today!