May......I can't believe it is May already! Were did the 1st third of the year go????
Not a lot has happened in the last few days.....spending a ton outside enjoying the nice weather! Jocelynn was finally able to use her scooter she received for Christmas////she loves it, she is frustrated that she didn't know how to ride it immediately, but I told her that will come!
She has also been able to ride her bike and her power wheel, both of which she will have outgrown by the end of summer......I really wish she would stop growing! She is much better on her bike this year than last, her legs are stronger and she has a little more confidence.....she still likes to keep it on the slower side, but i know that will change as she gets more comfortable. She has learned how to use the breaks (a foreign concept last year) and I know that will help her.
John and I are still going every other day to the gym.....and we love it! For the Month of April John lost a total of 18 pounds and I lost a total of 12.8.....not to bad, and we are keeping with it which I am so proud of us for doing!
Jocelynn is going through a rebellious phase.....she is determine to get her way at all time and I have news for her....NOT GONNA HAPPEN!!!! She has also started crying when it is time for John and I to go to the gym....mind you, she will either be headed to bed in about 15 minutes or is already in bed, but she breaks my heart with her "Mommy I will miss you" through tears......
On a positive note, she managed to only wet the bed 1 night in the month of April! WAHOO!!!!! I am super proud of her and we will be doing something fun in the next 2 weeks to celebrate this achievement! We have decided to go bowling! It should be fun!
Showing posts with label GAAH. Show all posts
Showing posts with label GAAH. Show all posts
Monday, May 2, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Busy, Busy....
This week has been busy, meeting, meetings and a little fun....lol
Jocelynn has her 2nd Daisy meeting tonight....I think I am more excited then her. She takes everything in stride anyways....lol
She was able to sell Girl Scout Cookies for 2 weeks and sold 21 boxes! Not to bad, imagine what she could sell if we had more time.
Luckily we don't have anymore loose teeth at the moment, I am a little shocked and disappointed to see her new "big tooth" is coming in crooked and more in the back then where it should be. Nothing I can do about it, and it could straighten out as she looses and gets more teeth.....only time will tell!
She has been doing wonderfully with staying dry at night. So far in the month of March she has only wet the bed 2 nights......2NIGHTS!!! I am amazed. Of those 2 night, 1 she was very sick and 1 she drank too much too late......so at least we know what the issue was and can resolve it! Tomorrow is the celebration/reward for her doing a great job! We are taking her and Brooke to Chuck E. Cheese....I haven't told her yet, going to make it a surprise....lol
Work is crazy right now. We have recently had some staff changes so it is a little stressful right now, but things will get better and it all was a great change! I am also hoping to pick up more hours! Lots of meetings!
Jocelynn was able to ride a horse this past weekend....she was so excited. She has ridden what I consider ponies in the past and was a little intimidated by the big horse, but it didn't stop her....lol
I did break my glasses this week......I took them off to brush my hair and the lense fell out. Not a big deal, they have done that before. I picked up the frames and they moved funny....lol
So off the the eye Dr. I go. I can't get an appointment until 4/8. Luckily I can see still, just have a hard time with distance. I am due for new frames.....those are 8 years old and the only pair I have ever purchased, I believe I got my money's worth!
TTC......I believe I am in the 2ww. or will be in the next 2 days. So in about 2 weeks we will know if the clomid helped us in our quest!
Jocelynn has her 2nd Daisy meeting tonight....I think I am more excited then her. She takes everything in stride anyways....lol
She was able to sell Girl Scout Cookies for 2 weeks and sold 21 boxes! Not to bad, imagine what she could sell if we had more time.
Luckily we don't have anymore loose teeth at the moment, I am a little shocked and disappointed to see her new "big tooth" is coming in crooked and more in the back then where it should be. Nothing I can do about it, and it could straighten out as she looses and gets more teeth.....only time will tell!
She has been doing wonderfully with staying dry at night. So far in the month of March she has only wet the bed 2 nights......2NIGHTS!!! I am amazed. Of those 2 night, 1 she was very sick and 1 she drank too much too late......so at least we know what the issue was and can resolve it! Tomorrow is the celebration/reward for her doing a great job! We are taking her and Brooke to Chuck E. Cheese....I haven't told her yet, going to make it a surprise....lol
Work is crazy right now. We have recently had some staff changes so it is a little stressful right now, but things will get better and it all was a great change! I am also hoping to pick up more hours! Lots of meetings!
Jocelynn was able to ride a horse this past weekend....she was so excited. She has ridden what I consider ponies in the past and was a little intimidated by the big horse, but it didn't stop her....lol
I did break my glasses this week......I took them off to brush my hair and the lense fell out. Not a big deal, they have done that before. I picked up the frames and they moved funny....lol
TTC......I believe I am in the 2ww. or will be in the next 2 days. So in about 2 weeks we will know if the clomid helped us in our quest!
Saturday, November 27, 2010
When it rains it pours.....
I'm not sure were to start. Maybe the happy news first....lol
My beautiful niece, Brook turned 5 on the 22nd. I can't believe it has been 5 years already! Happy Birthday Princess!
Jocelynn has a new friend in the house. Her name is Kelly. Kelly is an Elf on the Shelf. Let's just say, this is one of the best things ever thought up! Basically This Elf (Kelly is ours) watches over Jocelynn and any kids that come to our house, when they go to bed at night she goes to the North Pole and updates Santa on her behavior. By the next morning she is back, but in a different location.
Jocelynn gets excited in the morning, she comes down stairs and immediately looks for Kelly. She also has been on her best behavior for the last week (that is how long we have had it) and she even talks to Kelly. Thank you to Amy and Kristina for telling me about this! You can find them at Hallmark.
Jocelynn is also doing very well staying dry at night. In a week she has (on average) 5 dry nights and 2 wet nights. I pretty excited about that, especially considering we have only been doing this since the beginning of this month. I plan "pushing" a little more after the first of the year!
Now......the other news.
Jocelynn, John and I have all been sick. Some kind of stomach virus/flu thing. It is awful! I stared in Monday with severe stomach cramps, vomiting and diarrhea, which lasted about 36 hours. Even today I am not feeling 100% but better, but I am happy I can finally eat. I went 48 hours with nothing but a little water in my belly.
Jocelynn ended up sick early Thanksgiving morning from 12:30 am until about 6am she was up vomiting every 15 minutes. I thought I was going to have take her to the emergency room, I didn't want her to get dehydrated. At one point I was having her drink juice and ginger ale after she vomited just so that maybe she would absorb some of it and so she would have something in her belly to vomit. The dry heaves were insane. She finally fell asleep about 6:30 and slept until 10:30 and seemed fine. She ate thanksgiving dinner with no issues.
John started last night, vomiting. He feels better today and has been able to eat something but I feel it will be at least another 24 hours before he is truly feeling better.
My Grandfather is also in the hospital. Wednesday he had emergency surgery to remove his Colan, He is "gravely ill" as the Dr. puts it. It will be a long road and as of this morning he was not doing as good as the Dr.'s hoped he would. Please just pray for him.
Also, my crazy brother goes and breaks his collar bone......Thanksgiving day, playing touch football. The ER Dr. told him, "it was the worst break she has ever seen." Go big or go home, right Cory....lol
He will be having surgery to fix this. Praying for a speedy recovery for him!
There is a lot of praying going on in our house. God is listening and will help us through all of this!
My beautiful niece, Brook turned 5 on the 22nd. I can't believe it has been 5 years already! Happy Birthday Princess!
Jocelynn has a new friend in the house. Her name is Kelly. Kelly is an Elf on the Shelf. Let's just say, this is one of the best things ever thought up! Basically This Elf (Kelly is ours) watches over Jocelynn and any kids that come to our house, when they go to bed at night she goes to the North Pole and updates Santa on her behavior. By the next morning she is back, but in a different location.
Jocelynn gets excited in the morning, she comes down stairs and immediately looks for Kelly. She also has been on her best behavior for the last week (that is how long we have had it) and she even talks to Kelly. Thank you to Amy and Kristina for telling me about this! You can find them at Hallmark.
Jocelynn is also doing very well staying dry at night. In a week she has (on average) 5 dry nights and 2 wet nights. I pretty excited about that, especially considering we have only been doing this since the beginning of this month. I plan "pushing" a little more after the first of the year!
Now......the other news.
Jocelynn, John and I have all been sick. Some kind of stomach virus/flu thing. It is awful! I stared in Monday with severe stomach cramps, vomiting and diarrhea, which lasted about 36 hours. Even today I am not feeling 100% but better, but I am happy I can finally eat. I went 48 hours with nothing but a little water in my belly.
Jocelynn ended up sick early Thanksgiving morning from 12:30 am until about 6am she was up vomiting every 15 minutes. I thought I was going to have take her to the emergency room, I didn't want her to get dehydrated. At one point I was having her drink juice and ginger ale after she vomited just so that maybe she would absorb some of it and so she would have something in her belly to vomit. The dry heaves were insane. She finally fell asleep about 6:30 and slept until 10:30 and seemed fine. She ate thanksgiving dinner with no issues.
John started last night, vomiting. He feels better today and has been able to eat something but I feel it will be at least another 24 hours before he is truly feeling better.
My Grandfather is also in the hospital. Wednesday he had emergency surgery to remove his Colan, He is "gravely ill" as the Dr. puts it. It will be a long road and as of this morning he was not doing as good as the Dr.'s hoped he would. Please just pray for him.
Also, my crazy brother goes and breaks his collar bone......Thanksgiving day, playing touch football. The ER Dr. told him, "it was the worst break she has ever seen." Go big or go home, right Cory....lol
He will be having surgery to fix this. Praying for a speedy recovery for him!
There is a lot of praying going on in our house. God is listening and will help us through all of this!
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Tested........
That is exactly what I feel like....tested! I just want to pull my hair out and climb in bed and stay there for days!
Monday (5/11) Started off like every other Monday, John got up to go to work and I lounged in bed. He had a meeting at the office at 7am. At 7:20 I receive a text from John, He has been laid off from him job......WHAT!?!?!? We don't know how long he will be out of work. His company is waiting on a project that is having permit and material issues. John is to call the office every Friday after noon and find out what the status on the project is.....let's pray this is a short lay off!
TTC News: My P4 level this cycle is 31.8! That is a great number and go for my BETA on Monday 5/18......it is bitter sweet. I still pray that we are pregnant this cycle because if we are not we are putting TTC on hold until John is back at work and we have health insurance again........If we are pregnant we will make do....we will find a way because nothing would make us happier then to know that we will be adding to our family!
I guess the next few days/week will be a real test! Pray for us!
RIP Kayleigh Anne Freeman, June 23, 2008 - May 11, 2009
She was truly a blessing from God and faced more in her short 11 months then any of us will face in our entire lives! God Bless you Kayleigh! My heart goes out to the Free mans....
Monday (5/11) Started off like every other Monday, John got up to go to work and I lounged in bed. He had a meeting at the office at 7am. At 7:20 I receive a text from John, He has been laid off from him job......WHAT!?!?!? We don't know how long he will be out of work. His company is waiting on a project that is having permit and material issues. John is to call the office every Friday after noon and find out what the status on the project is.....let's pray this is a short lay off!
TTC News: My P4 level this cycle is 31.8! That is a great number and go for my BETA on Monday 5/18......it is bitter sweet. I still pray that we are pregnant this cycle because if we are not we are putting TTC on hold until John is back at work and we have health insurance again........If we are pregnant we will make do....we will find a way because nothing would make us happier then to know that we will be adding to our family!
I guess the next few days/week will be a real test! Pray for us!
RIP Kayleigh Anne Freeman, June 23, 2008 - May 11, 2009
She was truly a blessing from God and faced more in her short 11 months then any of us will face in our entire lives! God Bless you Kayleigh! My heart goes out to the Free mans....
Sunday, May 3, 2009
F*** Wal-mart!
F*** Wal-mart! I am done....not that it will make a difference to them, but I will feel better!
John purchased a new MP3 player yesterday morning. It was my mother's day present. He gave it to me early.....I love this man! Well, I went to open it and it was already open....not a big deal usually! I charge it and go to turn it on and it freezes at the main screen......WTH, so I package it back up so we can return it.
So we get to wal-mart, hand the items over to return (there was also an accessory pack that didn't fit the MP3 player, even though it was supposed too, and that as well had been opened when I received it) They say to us, the serial number on the player is different then the one on the package. I knew right there it would mean trouble!
The said that they could exchange the MP3 player for the same one, but policy states that they couldn't refund our money......WHAT?!?!?!?!?!
Normally, the exchange would have been fine, but it would also look like I was guilty of something.....which we weren't.
Also, I want to purchase my MP3 player somewhere else. So we are still waiting on what is going to happen. They are going to review the security tape (not like that will prove anything.)
What really had my blood boiling, was the B*tch that waited on us (she is THE meanest person at walmart, guess that is why she does returns) kept saying how they don't put items back on the shelf after they have been open, especially electronics.....really.....whay a LIE! The accessory pack was opened before, and I have purchased other opened packages...usually at a discounted rate.....so don't give me that bull!
Then she had the nerve to say, "well, then you shouldn't have purchased it." WHAT?!?!?!?! We didn't know the package was open until John was home. Why? because the players are locked up, so the associate unlocked the cabinet, took the item to the register, and then placed it in a bag when John purchased it.......So John never handled the item. Could he have asked too....or course, but how many of us actually do????
So needless to say we are pissed....for lack of a better word....and we are not doing business with wal-mart any longer....F*** Wal-mart!!!!
I will also be contacting wal-mart and let them know what happened.....I will not be made to feel guilty and dirty when I am an honest person!!!!!
John purchased a new MP3 player yesterday morning. It was my mother's day present. He gave it to me early.....I love this man! Well, I went to open it and it was already open....not a big deal usually! I charge it and go to turn it on and it freezes at the main screen......WTH, so I package it back up so we can return it.
So we get to wal-mart, hand the items over to return (there was also an accessory pack that didn't fit the MP3 player, even though it was supposed too, and that as well had been opened when I received it) They say to us, the serial number on the player is different then the one on the package. I knew right there it would mean trouble!
The said that they could exchange the MP3 player for the same one, but policy states that they couldn't refund our money......WHAT?!?!?!?!?!
Normally, the exchange would have been fine, but it would also look like I was guilty of something.....which we weren't.
Also, I want to purchase my MP3 player somewhere else. So we are still waiting on what is going to happen. They are going to review the security tape (not like that will prove anything.)
What really had my blood boiling, was the B*tch that waited on us (she is THE meanest person at walmart, guess that is why she does returns) kept saying how they don't put items back on the shelf after they have been open, especially electronics.....really.....whay a LIE! The accessory pack was opened before, and I have purchased other opened packages...usually at a discounted rate.....so don't give me that bull!
Then she had the nerve to say, "well, then you shouldn't have purchased it." WHAT?!?!?!?! We didn't know the package was open until John was home. Why? because the players are locked up, so the associate unlocked the cabinet, took the item to the register, and then placed it in a bag when John purchased it.......So John never handled the item. Could he have asked too....or course, but how many of us actually do????
So needless to say we are pissed....for lack of a better word....and we are not doing business with wal-mart any longer....F*** Wal-mart!!!!
I will also be contacting wal-mart and let them know what happened.....I will not be made to feel guilty and dirty when I am an honest person!!!!!
Thursday, April 30, 2009
TTC Update
So On Tuesday, 4/28 (CD 10) I had an u/s to check follie growth. I had 6 ~ R: 10.44, 10.66, 10.75 & 11.52 L: 11.62 & 11.73. Not bad, but not were they usually are at thing point in my cycle after Clomid.
So Today, I went for a follow-up u/s to check their progress; R: 10.42, 12.35, 12.45, 12.62 & 12.82 L: 8.15 & 10.31. WHAT HAPPENED???? the 2 on the left seem to have given up and they are not in the running any more. The 4 on the left have grown...great!!!...but not as much as I have seen in the past, and they added a buddy...lol
So I get to go AGAIN on Saturday for another u/s to see if they are going to continue to grow or if they are going to fizzle out. Why is my body throwing me a curve ball this month?
I have a few theories:
1: I have been sick.....I know this can effect other aspects of the body.
2: I have been stressed! We all know how that can effect us.
3: I took my Clomid on CD 6-10 instead of CD 5-9. Why you ask? because I forgot. I feel like a buffoon. I don't know why I forgot to take it on the first day when I should have, I just did. You would think that this is #1 on my list of thing to remember? I have no excuse other then I am human.
So maybe this cycle is a bust already? who knows, not sure how many u/s they will give me? I guess we will find out!
Also, I know this may sound funny, but after having some time to process the news from the Dr. in regards to John's s/a I have realized that for the first time in the last 30 cycle of TTC, I feel Hopeful. We have an answer and a treatment course.
I also feel like God has opened my eyes to the WHY. Why are we going through infertility a second time. I know the first time was for me to be dx with PCOS. So i could start treatment and be a step ahead of the effect PCOS can have if gone untreated. This time was so John could be treated for low testoterone and when else the Urologist may find. Again, if gone untreated has some bad effects on the body. Praise the Lord for He is always by our side and will always be there to show us the way!
So Today, I went for a follow-up u/s to check their progress; R: 10.42, 12.35, 12.45, 12.62 & 12.82 L: 8.15 & 10.31. WHAT HAPPENED???? the 2 on the left seem to have given up and they are not in the running any more. The 4 on the left have grown...great!!!...but not as much as I have seen in the past, and they added a buddy...lol
So I get to go AGAIN on Saturday for another u/s to see if they are going to continue to grow or if they are going to fizzle out. Why is my body throwing me a curve ball this month?
I have a few theories:
1: I have been sick.....I know this can effect other aspects of the body.
2: I have been stressed! We all know how that can effect us.
3: I took my Clomid on CD 6-10 instead of CD 5-9. Why you ask? because I forgot. I feel like a buffoon. I don't know why I forgot to take it on the first day when I should have, I just did. You would think that this is #1 on my list of thing to remember? I have no excuse other then I am human.
So maybe this cycle is a bust already? who knows, not sure how many u/s they will give me? I guess we will find out!
Also, I know this may sound funny, but after having some time to process the news from the Dr. in regards to John's s/a I have realized that for the first time in the last 30 cycle of TTC, I feel Hopeful. We have an answer and a treatment course.
I also feel like God has opened my eyes to the WHY. Why are we going through infertility a second time. I know the first time was for me to be dx with PCOS. So i could start treatment and be a step ahead of the effect PCOS can have if gone untreated. This time was so John could be treated for low testoterone and when else the Urologist may find. Again, if gone untreated has some bad effects on the body. Praise the Lord for He is always by our side and will always be there to show us the way!
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Spiraling downward............
That is exactly how I am feeling.......how can I not? I feel like God has placed an wall on every path we try and take that will get us to our goal of having another child. I am trying to keep faith and remember that God has a plan for me.......but why can't he just give us a break? I guess i will never know and like other down moments, this too will pass!
You may be asking "what happened?" I received John's s/a results today.......not good. Worse then 2004 when we started the journey. My RE has suggested seeing a male fertility specialist, I didn't even realize there was such a Dr....so i guess that is good news. But I still feel depressed and frustrated and ready to give up......maybe I need to come to the realization that my daughter will be an only child....as much as I hate that thought.....but there isn't much I can do to change that!
I'm not going into the numbers here, but lets just say they are bad! Even though his numbers aren't non existant, and it could still happen, it going to take just short of a miracle.
So now I have even more to think about.....maybe this is Gods way of telling me to go ahead with the weightloss surgery. Maybe this is the nudge I need to stop obsessing about TTC and enjoy life and my beautiful daughter....who I now realize is even more of a miracle!!!!! Who knows, it happened once, it can happen again.
But honestly, if I could take a miracle and give it to some of the many ladies that are still struggling to conceive #1, I would in a heart beat. (even if that meant I would have an only child) I know it sound funny, but I know many of these ladies and they deserve nothing more then to have a child! They are wonderful and I have leaned on them more then once! I don't know how I would have made it through the last 12+ months without them.....I love my CO sisters!
Talking about support, I have wonderful ladies who have also been there for me every month. My Mom, Kristina and Jody have been a rock and seems to know how to just listen when needed and also 'smack' me and bring me back to reality when I need it. I have leaned on them and they have helped me more then I think they even realize.
Then of course there is John, Jocelynn, Jekka and Brooke! Jekka....I love you! Jekka and Brooke, my beautiful nieces who have been there to put a smile on my face when I needed it most! John and Jocelynn who are my rocks and continue to get me through each and every day!
Wow, sound like I'm giving my fairwell speech........NO I am not. Just wanted to let the people who have been there for me know how much they mean to me!
SO now to have a long conversation and allot of praying with John. Not sure what we are going to do, but I know God has a plan and I just need to have faith!
You may be asking "what happened?" I received John's s/a results today.......not good. Worse then 2004 when we started the journey. My RE has suggested seeing a male fertility specialist, I didn't even realize there was such a Dr....so i guess that is good news. But I still feel depressed and frustrated and ready to give up......maybe I need to come to the realization that my daughter will be an only child....as much as I hate that thought.....but there isn't much I can do to change that!
I'm not going into the numbers here, but lets just say they are bad! Even though his numbers aren't non existant, and it could still happen, it going to take just short of a miracle.
So now I have even more to think about.....maybe this is Gods way of telling me to go ahead with the weightloss surgery. Maybe this is the nudge I need to stop obsessing about TTC and enjoy life and my beautiful daughter....who I now realize is even more of a miracle!!!!! Who knows, it happened once, it can happen again.
But honestly, if I could take a miracle and give it to some of the many ladies that are still struggling to conceive #1, I would in a heart beat. (even if that meant I would have an only child) I know it sound funny, but I know many of these ladies and they deserve nothing more then to have a child! They are wonderful and I have leaned on them more then once! I don't know how I would have made it through the last 12+ months without them.....I love my CO sisters!
Talking about support, I have wonderful ladies who have also been there for me every month. My Mom, Kristina and Jody have been a rock and seems to know how to just listen when needed and also 'smack' me and bring me back to reality when I need it. I have leaned on them and they have helped me more then I think they even realize.
Then of course there is John, Jocelynn, Jekka and Brooke! Jekka....I love you! Jekka and Brooke, my beautiful nieces who have been there to put a smile on my face when I needed it most! John and Jocelynn who are my rocks and continue to get me through each and every day!
Wow, sound like I'm giving my fairwell speech........NO I am not. Just wanted to let the people who have been there for me know how much they mean to me!
SO now to have a long conversation and allot of praying with John. Not sure what we are going to do, but I know God has a plan and I just need to have faith!
Monday, April 27, 2009
Dr. Appointment
Went to the Dr. today for my back. He said it is muscular and tried to blame it on my weight. HELLO.....I have not gained any weight and this all of a sudden happened....I highly doubt it is due from my weight. My weight may be an issue on why it is taking so long to get better. So he gave me Tylenol with Codeine to take at night, because I can't take much else because I have the kids all day.
He also gave me a stronger heartburn med (again he tried to blame it's being worse with my weight.....again I haven't gained any weight).
I have hardly a voice today. I have been suffering with chest congestion all weekend, and this morning I woke up with the voice thing. Dr. Says that is a cold and will run it's course....wasn't really going to see him for anything but my back, but since I was there....lol
Also I have a referral to get the ingrown toe nails taken care of. They have been bothering me for months!!!
He believe I may suffer from sleep apnea......maybe I caught it from John....LMAO! So looks like I will be doing a sleep study soon.
Last but not least for me, he informed me that I qualify for a weight loss surgery. Not sure how I feel about this. It's kinda like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. If I go with the surgery, I have to put TTC on hold but, the weight loss could increase our chances of conceiving. What to do, what to do!?!?!? I have an appointment with my RE tomorrow, I am going to discuss this with her and find out the specifics on the impact it will have on TTC.....exactly how long we would have to put it on hold! I will also do allot of praying on this subject.......
John received some results from his blood work and x-rays. His foot looks fine on his x-rays.....so now were do we go? It is still bothering him!
His thyroid results came back fine....no issue there. We are still waiting on the testosterone results. I'm glad there is no issue so far, but with no issue comes no treatment and that sucks!
I guess it is all a waiting game. Waiting to hear from the neurologist to schedule an appointment for John's sleep study and waiting for a call from the foot Dr. so I can take care of the pains in my toes........my life seems to be all about waiting and my patience are drying up fast!
He also gave me a stronger heartburn med (again he tried to blame it's being worse with my weight.....again I haven't gained any weight).
I have hardly a voice today. I have been suffering with chest congestion all weekend, and this morning I woke up with the voice thing. Dr. Says that is a cold and will run it's course....wasn't really going to see him for anything but my back, but since I was there....lol
Also I have a referral to get the ingrown toe nails taken care of. They have been bothering me for months!!!
He believe I may suffer from sleep apnea......maybe I caught it from John....LMAO! So looks like I will be doing a sleep study soon.
Last but not least for me, he informed me that I qualify for a weight loss surgery. Not sure how I feel about this. It's kinda like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. If I go with the surgery, I have to put TTC on hold but, the weight loss could increase our chances of conceiving. What to do, what to do!?!?!? I have an appointment with my RE tomorrow, I am going to discuss this with her and find out the specifics on the impact it will have on TTC.....exactly how long we would have to put it on hold! I will also do allot of praying on this subject.......
John received some results from his blood work and x-rays. His foot looks fine on his x-rays.....so now were do we go? It is still bothering him!
His thyroid results came back fine....no issue there. We are still waiting on the testosterone results. I'm glad there is no issue so far, but with no issue comes no treatment and that sucks!
I guess it is all a waiting game. Waiting to hear from the neurologist to schedule an appointment for John's sleep study and waiting for a call from the foot Dr. so I can take care of the pains in my toes........my life seems to be all about waiting and my patience are drying up fast!
Sunday, February 22, 2009
All I want to do is Scream!
WHY??????? Why is it that people who are not financially stable can get pregnant on a whim? Not that they don't deserve to have children, if that is what they really want, but really, you can't support yourself and the children you have, why would you add to the mix....on purpose?!?!?!
I have some mixed feelings about this news. I am happy for them because they are great parents, but I am sad for myself. Here we are at the 2 year 2 month mark and NOTHING! I really am having a hard time today after this news. I thought that I was OK with this last cycle being a bust, but then this news comes and it almost completely destroys me. I am holding it together, but not by much. I just want to know when it will be my turn?!?!?!
I guess I just have to continue to be patient and hope and pray that my day comes again soon. Here is were I start to feel guilty. Why can't I just be happy with the child I have? I guess it is because I never wanted to have an only child. I also didn't want to have a lot of years between them. I guess one of thos wishes is no longer going to be the case. Let's just hope it's not the having an only child one.
As all things, this too shall pass, but I am just tired of it every month. I just wish some people who I know could understand that better!
On a happier Note! Welcome Thomas Michael....born 2/19/09 at 9:57 pm weighing 9 pounds 5.4 ounces and 20 3/4 inches long!!!!! Big Boy!
Also awaiting the arrival of Leo and Tyler!!!!!!!
I have some mixed feelings about this news. I am happy for them because they are great parents, but I am sad for myself. Here we are at the 2 year 2 month mark and NOTHING! I really am having a hard time today after this news. I thought that I was OK with this last cycle being a bust, but then this news comes and it almost completely destroys me. I am holding it together, but not by much. I just want to know when it will be my turn?!?!?!
I guess I just have to continue to be patient and hope and pray that my day comes again soon. Here is were I start to feel guilty. Why can't I just be happy with the child I have? I guess it is because I never wanted to have an only child. I also didn't want to have a lot of years between them. I guess one of thos wishes is no longer going to be the case. Let's just hope it's not the having an only child one.
As all things, this too shall pass, but I am just tired of it every month. I just wish some people who I know could understand that better!
On a happier Note! Welcome Thomas Michael....born 2/19/09 at 9:57 pm weighing 9 pounds 5.4 ounces and 20 3/4 inches long!!!!! Big Boy!
Also awaiting the arrival of Leo and Tyler!!!!!!!
Friday, February 20, 2009
What's Going On?!?!?!
Not a lot going on here. Bought a Wii Fit yesterday. It is fun! Lot of exercised and activities to do! Can't wait to unlock more of them!
The basement is coming along. We picked up the few odd and end electrical things and picked out the carpet. Hopefully that will go down this week.
John's TV is mounted to wall, waiting for us to enjoy it. Hopefully as soon as the carpet is installed we can! Now John is talking about getting new living room furniture and moving what we have down there. Man that boy has some BIG dreams. I guess he thinks I have a money tree planted out back. I am hoping once 'his room' is done, he will stop complaining about always having to spend our money on bills! Welcome to reality! When most of the bills we have is because of him. We had to go buy the Envoy, even though we had a perfectly good vehicle to use. We had to have the cell phones when i was pregnant so he could get a hold of me. But he doesn't look at it that way. Looks at all the spoiling he does on me and he NEVER gets anything. Typical Man. He never sees what he has, just what he doesn't!
Also....damn AF showed her face tonight. So on to cycle 28......I'm not upset, just tired. I just wanna be able to go 'oh, I'm late.....I may be pregnant. What a surprise!' Guess I should give up that dream!
So tomorrow night I will drown my pity in a (2 or 3 or 4) alcoholic drinks and be ready for the next cycle by Sunday. One more cycle and we go back to the Dr. Kinda refreshing and hopeful! Come on BFP!!!!!
PS.....Welcome Baby COTE! 9.5 pounds ~ 21 inches long! Congrats Jen and Chris!
The basement is coming along. We picked up the few odd and end electrical things and picked out the carpet. Hopefully that will go down this week.
John's TV is mounted to wall, waiting for us to enjoy it. Hopefully as soon as the carpet is installed we can! Now John is talking about getting new living room furniture and moving what we have down there. Man that boy has some BIG dreams. I guess he thinks I have a money tree planted out back. I am hoping once 'his room' is done, he will stop complaining about always having to spend our money on bills! Welcome to reality! When most of the bills we have is because of him. We had to go buy the Envoy, even though we had a perfectly good vehicle to use. We had to have the cell phones when i was pregnant so he could get a hold of me. But he doesn't look at it that way. Looks at all the spoiling he does on me and he NEVER gets anything. Typical Man. He never sees what he has, just what he doesn't!
Also....damn AF showed her face tonight. So on to cycle 28......I'm not upset, just tired. I just wanna be able to go 'oh, I'm late.....I may be pregnant. What a surprise!' Guess I should give up that dream!
So tomorrow night I will drown my pity in a (2 or 3 or 4) alcoholic drinks and be ready for the next cycle by Sunday. One more cycle and we go back to the Dr. Kinda refreshing and hopeful! Come on BFP!!!!!
PS.....Welcome Baby COTE! 9.5 pounds ~ 21 inches long! Congrats Jen and Chris!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
CD1
So much for the pregnancy symptoms (soar bb's, Nauseousness and tired all the time) and wishful thinking! This morning AF showed and I couldn't be more depressed about it. I am just tired of this rollercoaster ride and want to get off! Unfortunately I won't get of until I hear the greatest sentence on earth: "you ARE pregnant!!!!"
So I will have my pity party today and then tomorrow I will be ready to tackle the next cycle! This cycle John and I decided to try Soy Isoflavones. I figured it still fits into my "no meds until March" because it is natural! I hope we don't have to go back to the Dr. in March and this is the little help that we need! Wish us luck!
Not to go find something bad for me to snack on.....so much for my diet today!
So I will have my pity party today and then tomorrow I will be ready to tackle the next cycle! This cycle John and I decided to try Soy Isoflavones. I figured it still fits into my "no meds until March" because it is natural! I hope we don't have to go back to the Dr. in March and this is the little help that we need! Wish us luck!
Not to go find something bad for me to snack on.....so much for my diet today!
Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Why???
Am I the only one out there who isn't the least bit interested in the events of today? Why the big deal. This will be the 44th time we have had a new face as a president, why the big to do about Obama???? Don't give me the race card!!! He is only HALF black and BIG DEAL! I find it very racist!!!!
Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of a African American as president, but it needs to be someone worth celebrating!
Just my opinion! Do with it what you like, but don't leave me nasty comments! I don't look down on you if you votes for him!
Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of a African American as president, but it needs to be someone worth celebrating!
Just my opinion! Do with it what you like, but don't leave me nasty comments! I don't look down on you if you votes for him!
Friday, January 16, 2009
3 Months!!!
WTF! John has yet another sinus infection. If you haven't read my post back in October, yes October (3 months ago) please read that first by clicking here!)
So he had yet another appointment with Dr. Bitch (under protest from me) and sure enough he is on Pretnizon again,(his polyps are back) with an antibiotic and another appointment set for 2/2/09. This time I was unable to go, and I wish I wish I had. You know how guys are, they never ask the right questions. Being a mother and a woman who is in the Dr. office 4-8 times a month, I have learned to speak up!
I don't know what happens if this course of treatments doesn't work. I don't think it is healthy for John to be on Steroids every 3 months. His frequent sinus infections are really no better then before we spend $50,000 in surgeries (OK, so the insurance company did, but we still had 3 weeks of lost wages)
He did tell me that if he lost weight it would help the situation....WTF is that EVERY Dr. excuse when they have messed up? So John told her he was working on that and he doesn't even east 2000 calories in a day and has an active job (electrician). So she said considering that she wants to do Thyroid testing. This makes since because 2 of his sisters have thyroid issues (one is over active and the other is under active) this could explain somethings. So we should have result at his next appointment, which I will be going to!!!
John doesn't understand my dislike of her. HELLO!!! We spent all that time, energy and money to make him feel better, and we are in no way better then before the surgeries....... So why did we bother? She probably has a child in college and needed the tuition money! Man I sound bitter, but I am tired of John feeling like crap and I worry at any moment he could have a major asthma attack and I could loose him! All I want is to have my husband healthy! I will do anything to make that happen, even if it mean continuing to see the Dr. from HELL!!!!!
So he had yet another appointment with Dr. Bitch (under protest from me) and sure enough he is on Pretnizon again,(his polyps are back) with an antibiotic and another appointment set for 2/2/09. This time I was unable to go, and I wish I wish I had. You know how guys are, they never ask the right questions. Being a mother and a woman who is in the Dr. office 4-8 times a month, I have learned to speak up!
I don't know what happens if this course of treatments doesn't work. I don't think it is healthy for John to be on Steroids every 3 months. His frequent sinus infections are really no better then before we spend $50,000 in surgeries (OK, so the insurance company did, but we still had 3 weeks of lost wages)
He did tell me that if he lost weight it would help the situation....WTF is that EVERY Dr. excuse when they have messed up? So John told her he was working on that and he doesn't even east 2000 calories in a day and has an active job (electrician). So she said considering that she wants to do Thyroid testing. This makes since because 2 of his sisters have thyroid issues (one is over active and the other is under active) this could explain somethings. So we should have result at his next appointment, which I will be going to!!!
John doesn't understand my dislike of her. HELLO!!! We spent all that time, energy and money to make him feel better, and we are in no way better then before the surgeries....... So why did we bother? She probably has a child in college and needed the tuition money! Man I sound bitter, but I am tired of John feeling like crap and I worry at any moment he could have a major asthma attack and I could loose him! All I want is to have my husband healthy! I will do anything to make that happen, even if it mean continuing to see the Dr. from HELL!!!!!
Tuesday, January 6, 2009
Stupid Dr.'s!!
My grandfather had a Dr. appointment, what we thought was to discuss his course of treatment....WRONG. They are not even positive he has leukemia. WTF..... They have to do the biopsy today and the results will take 10-14 days. All they could tell him is that he does have an autoimmune/blood issue which is most likely Leukemia! GAAH
I know I should look at this as good news, especially since it isn't necessarily leukemia, but why get us all worked up like that. I know, Dr.'s have to give us the worse case scenario.
The thing that makes this hard is we are getting the updates from my Aunt. My grandfather can not speak and I'm not sure how much he comprehends. He had a stroke years (over 10) ago and has been paralyzed on his right side ever since. His speech and memory are also effected. My Aunt received the phone call on Christmas Eve (very rude in my thoughts) with the possibility of Leukemia. She was very upset and, just like I would be, concentrated on the worse case scenario and that is what she relayed to us.
Luckily my Mother went to the appointment yesterday, and although it is her father, she can stay much calmer and have a clearer head then her sisters!
Please keep him in your prayers and I will know more in about 2 weeks!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JD!!!!!!
I know I should look at this as good news, especially since it isn't necessarily leukemia, but why get us all worked up like that. I know, Dr.'s have to give us the worse case scenario.
The thing that makes this hard is we are getting the updates from my Aunt. My grandfather can not speak and I'm not sure how much he comprehends. He had a stroke years (over 10) ago and has been paralyzed on his right side ever since. His speech and memory are also effected. My Aunt received the phone call on Christmas Eve (very rude in my thoughts) with the possibility of Leukemia. She was very upset and, just like I would be, concentrated on the worse case scenario and that is what she relayed to us.
Luckily my Mother went to the appointment yesterday, and although it is her father, she can stay much calmer and have a clearer head then her sisters!
Please keep him in your prayers and I will know more in about 2 weeks!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JD!!!!!!
Sunday, January 4, 2009
What a Weekend.....
So, where do I start? There has been allot going on in the last 3-4 days.
Bad News: I found out that my Grandfather has Leukemia. After months and months (and months) of issues with his white blood count, and the Dr. saying it was from an infection, they have determined that he does in fact have leukemia. STUPID DR.'S. WTF is wrong with some people? Seriously, they didn't think that months and months of a high white blood count could or would be something other then an infection? Grandpa has an appointment tomorrow (1/5) so I will know more then. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers.
Frustrating: I think it is really terrible threes! Jocelynn has been a BEAR! I don't know what to do and I am beyond frustrated with her attitude and tantrums. The worst has been today. I was so frustrated with her tantrum that I picked her up, put her in her bedroom and closed the door. She proceeded to scream at the top of her lungs while banging on her door. She gets herself so upset, that she makes herself sick. I just don't know what to do. I have tried everything and I am seriously at the end of my rope.
I do know that one of my biggest issues is my lack of patience. What book can I read to learn that....LOL. Jocelynn is usually a busy girl. Always doing something and given the chance she will talk your ear off. Lately she has had an attitude that makes my skin crawl. Her favorite word is no and just today we have had 2 potty accidents. I am thinking that the holidays just messed with her schedule and in about a week she will be back to her old self? I find myself wanting to give into what she wants, just so I don't have to deal with the tantrums and screaming. I know this is not the way to handle things and do so would just make my situation worst. I just have to stay consistent and stand my ground. I have a feeling she will be spending allot of time in her bedroom and in the time out corner.
As if things weren't worst, she hasn't been taking her naps. I know this is contributing to her evening tantrums. I just haven't found anything that gets this girl to take her nap. Makes me want to give in and give her Binky back. I don't want to, but the girl needs her sleep. She has only asked for her Binky twice and it has not been asked for since Christmas day. I guess this is my payback for something being easy.
Fun: Yesterday was My Mother's Side of the family Christmas Party. It was fun. Our family seems to have had a baby boom in the last 4 years. There are 7 kids under the age of 4. and 5 others between the age of 6 and 11. WOW. It's funny how we went years with just 1 or 2 little ones and then all of a sudden my cousins and I decided to all have children at once. Family gatherings have become a blast with all the little ones running around!
Tomorrow starts my fun. DIETING....yuck! I am determined to loose 50 pounds this year and keep it off!
Bad News: I found out that my Grandfather has Leukemia. After months and months (and months) of issues with his white blood count, and the Dr. saying it was from an infection, they have determined that he does in fact have leukemia. STUPID DR.'S. WTF is wrong with some people? Seriously, they didn't think that months and months of a high white blood count could or would be something other then an infection? Grandpa has an appointment tomorrow (1/5) so I will know more then. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers.
Frustrating: I think it is really terrible threes! Jocelynn has been a BEAR! I don't know what to do and I am beyond frustrated with her attitude and tantrums. The worst has been today. I was so frustrated with her tantrum that I picked her up, put her in her bedroom and closed the door. She proceeded to scream at the top of her lungs while banging on her door. She gets herself so upset, that she makes herself sick. I just don't know what to do. I have tried everything and I am seriously at the end of my rope.
I do know that one of my biggest issues is my lack of patience. What book can I read to learn that....LOL. Jocelynn is usually a busy girl. Always doing something and given the chance she will talk your ear off. Lately she has had an attitude that makes my skin crawl. Her favorite word is no and just today we have had 2 potty accidents. I am thinking that the holidays just messed with her schedule and in about a week she will be back to her old self? I find myself wanting to give into what she wants, just so I don't have to deal with the tantrums and screaming. I know this is not the way to handle things and do so would just make my situation worst. I just have to stay consistent and stand my ground. I have a feeling she will be spending allot of time in her bedroom and in the time out corner.
As if things weren't worst, she hasn't been taking her naps. I know this is contributing to her evening tantrums. I just haven't found anything that gets this girl to take her nap. Makes me want to give in and give her Binky back. I don't want to, but the girl needs her sleep. She has only asked for her Binky twice and it has not been asked for since Christmas day. I guess this is my payback for something being easy.
Fun: Yesterday was My Mother's Side of the family Christmas Party. It was fun. Our family seems to have had a baby boom in the last 4 years. There are 7 kids under the age of 4. and 5 others between the age of 6 and 11. WOW. It's funny how we went years with just 1 or 2 little ones and then all of a sudden my cousins and I decided to all have children at once. Family gatherings have become a blast with all the little ones running around!
Tomorrow starts my fun. DIETING....yuck! I am determined to loose 50 pounds this year and keep it off!
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Another Busted Month!
So the damn bitch will be here tomorrow, I'm spotting now. I am actually not as upset as past months because I just knew this wasn't the month! So on to another cycle (25th) and still no meds, no Dr. nothing! I am hoping to enjoy the holidays this year!
What is great, I am due to start again ON Christmas day! Maybe I will get a BFP instead! Come on Santa, haven't I been a good girl this year?!?!?!
SO I guess we will just have to wait and see! Sorry to cut this post short, I am in the middle of baking for Tomorrow!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!!!!!
What is great, I am due to start again ON Christmas day! Maybe I will get a BFP instead! Come on Santa, haven't I been a good girl this year?!?!?!
SO I guess we will just have to wait and see! Sorry to cut this post short, I am in the middle of baking for Tomorrow!
HAPPY THANKSGIVING EVERYONE!!!!!!
Monday, October 20, 2008
Dr.'s!!!
First off let me say AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Ok I feel better. John has been having issues with his sinuses all his life, well Last year he started seeing a Ear, Nose and Throat specialist.....if you can call her that.
John's first surgery was Nov. of 2007. He was out of work for 2 weeks and we though, yay, no more issues. Man were we wrong!
John's second surgery (for the same issue) was in Feb. of 2008. We thought, ok there could be no more issues right....WRONG!!!!
John is back to see this specialist (under protest from me, he thinks she is a great Dr.) this month!!!!!
REWIND>>>>>
John started seeing Dr. S. after he had a sinus infection that wouldn't go away after several week (with antibiotics). She decided surgery was the best course because his actual sinus passage was blocked and needed to be cleared. No problem, we were ok with that. The day of the surgery comes and John is wheeled into surgery and about 3 hours later, I am told she is done and he is in recovery. Great! Well, not so much. She couldn't finish the surgery because he started bleeding too much. Ok, obviously, there is an issue with bleeding and we will have that checked out.
The first week post surgery was ok, he was healing and not in too much pain. Well, that Saturday, all hell broke loose. We ended up in the ER twice withing a 12 hour period, because he began bleeding from his nose. The first visit to the ER they placed packing in his nose. ewwww. and the second time we ended up in the ER was because it was bleeding through the packing. The ER was so busy that he basically laid on a cot in the room and the bleeding stopped on his own...WTF, I'm glad he wasn't DYING!!!!!!
We had John's bleeding time tested and her was fine, in fact he clotted so well, that I am now thinking he may have a clotting problem...lol. What does this mean? The Fing Dr. was in a hurry with his first surgery and nicked something that got him bleeding....grrrrrr
OK, so the second surgery I was super nervous. I didn't really want to go through what I had been through with the first surgery, but it needed to be finished. He was in the operation room for 1.5 hours....ARE YOU Serious. You can't tell me she finished what she had to do??? Whatever, I really don't like her and I or my daughter will NEVER be going to her!!!!!
Post surgery was much better this time then last time. He was only out of work for a week and we had no nose bleed issues!
So here we are present day, still dealing with this bitch of a Dr. WTF. John likes her and thinks she is a great Dr. whatever!
So now John has been dealing with breathing issues and a sinus infection. So he goes for him 6 month check-up, perfect timing if you ask me, and she puts him in a Pretnizon (John is not very nice on this and she knows it, you can't tell me there isn't another steroid she can put him on. She knows he is nasty on pretnizon and I think she does it to spite me..LOL) Why the steroids? He now has polyps in his nose. WHAT? WHY? Because he has sinus surgery! WTF, why wasn't that a warning before we went ahead with the surgery?
So needless to say, I am not happy with my husbands choice in Dr.'s!!!
Ok I feel better. John has been having issues with his sinuses all his life, well Last year he started seeing a Ear, Nose and Throat specialist.....if you can call her that.
John's first surgery was Nov. of 2007. He was out of work for 2 weeks and we though, yay, no more issues. Man were we wrong!
John's second surgery (for the same issue) was in Feb. of 2008. We thought, ok there could be no more issues right....WRONG!!!!
John is back to see this specialist (under protest from me, he thinks she is a great Dr.) this month!!!!!
REWIND>>>>>
John started seeing Dr. S. after he had a sinus infection that wouldn't go away after several week (with antibiotics). She decided surgery was the best course because his actual sinus passage was blocked and needed to be cleared. No problem, we were ok with that. The day of the surgery comes and John is wheeled into surgery and about 3 hours later, I am told she is done and he is in recovery. Great! Well, not so much. She couldn't finish the surgery because he started bleeding too much. Ok, obviously, there is an issue with bleeding and we will have that checked out.
The first week post surgery was ok, he was healing and not in too much pain. Well, that Saturday, all hell broke loose. We ended up in the ER twice withing a 12 hour period, because he began bleeding from his nose. The first visit to the ER they placed packing in his nose. ewwww. and the second time we ended up in the ER was because it was bleeding through the packing. The ER was so busy that he basically laid on a cot in the room and the bleeding stopped on his own...WTF, I'm glad he wasn't DYING!!!!!!
We had John's bleeding time tested and her was fine, in fact he clotted so well, that I am now thinking he may have a clotting problem...lol. What does this mean? The Fing Dr. was in a hurry with his first surgery and nicked something that got him bleeding....grrrrrr
OK, so the second surgery I was super nervous. I didn't really want to go through what I had been through with the first surgery, but it needed to be finished. He was in the operation room for 1.5 hours....ARE YOU Serious. You can't tell me she finished what she had to do??? Whatever, I really don't like her and I or my daughter will NEVER be going to her!!!!!
Post surgery was much better this time then last time. He was only out of work for a week and we had no nose bleed issues!
So here we are present day, still dealing with this bitch of a Dr. WTF. John likes her and thinks she is a great Dr. whatever!
So now John has been dealing with breathing issues and a sinus infection. So he goes for him 6 month check-up, perfect timing if you ask me, and she puts him in a Pretnizon (John is not very nice on this and she knows it, you can't tell me there isn't another steroid she can put him on. She knows he is nasty on pretnizon and I think she does it to spite me..LOL) Why the steroids? He now has polyps in his nose. WHAT? WHY? Because he has sinus surgery! WTF, why wasn't that a warning before we went ahead with the surgery?
So needless to say, I am not happy with my husbands choice in Dr.'s!!!
Sunday, September 7, 2008
CD 1 SUCKS!!!!!!!!
The witch decided to make this past month an official bust! GAAH!!!! I am happy that she didn't make me wait and wonder, but it would have been nice to not see her for the next 9 months!!!
I have stayed pretty busy today. John, my Mom and I took Jocelynn apple picking. It was fun and Jocelynn LOVED it! I will be making applesauce and pie filling. Mom and I will be canning it to use this holiday season. Also made some salsa from the tomatoes and green peppers from the garden. Can't wait to try that! It was nice to focus on something else besides my failure as a woman!
This week should be pretty quiet. John starts his 4 day work weeks. So we will have Friday, Saturday and Sunday together as a family. I can't wait. Not sure what we will do, but painting the garage (if the weather holds up) sounds like a good idea. Maybe one Friday we can go to Canobie Lake Park. We haven't been this year and Jocelynn loves the rides ~ we will see!
John has his second acupuncture appointment tomorrow. Hoping all goes well. He says he thinks the herbs the acupuncturist gave him are working....we will see in the next few weeks.
I have been thinking about checking out the town library. Seeing what programs they offer to get Jocey a jump start on reading. She loves books and I think just spending some time looking at book that she doesn't see everyday will keep her entertained. ~ Today was better then the past week. She has been listening much better and curbing her attitude more. Seems I have found a form of discipline and praise that is working (thanks Jody!!!).
On the ttc side, we have decided to not do anything this month. No u/s to check follie growth and no temping. I will still keep my chart, just so I know were I am in my cycle.....but we are trying the 'let's not make it the focus of our life' approach. Praying it will work. I'm just afraid I will be more crazy not knowing. Maybe I can keep busy.
I have stayed pretty busy today. John, my Mom and I took Jocelynn apple picking. It was fun and Jocelynn LOVED it! I will be making applesauce and pie filling. Mom and I will be canning it to use this holiday season. Also made some salsa from the tomatoes and green peppers from the garden. Can't wait to try that! It was nice to focus on something else besides my failure as a woman!
This week should be pretty quiet. John starts his 4 day work weeks. So we will have Friday, Saturday and Sunday together as a family. I can't wait. Not sure what we will do, but painting the garage (if the weather holds up) sounds like a good idea. Maybe one Friday we can go to Canobie Lake Park. We haven't been this year and Jocelynn loves the rides ~ we will see!
John has his second acupuncture appointment tomorrow. Hoping all goes well. He says he thinks the herbs the acupuncturist gave him are working....we will see in the next few weeks.
I have been thinking about checking out the town library. Seeing what programs they offer to get Jocey a jump start on reading. She loves books and I think just spending some time looking at book that she doesn't see everyday will keep her entertained. ~ Today was better then the past week. She has been listening much better and curbing her attitude more. Seems I have found a form of discipline and praise that is working (thanks Jody!!!).
On the ttc side, we have decided to not do anything this month. No u/s to check follie growth and no temping. I will still keep my chart, just so I know were I am in my cycle.....but we are trying the 'let's not make it the focus of our life' approach. Praying it will work. I'm just afraid I will be more crazy not knowing. Maybe I can keep busy.
Saturday, September 6, 2008
Parenting Frustrations.....
Jocelynn has been very easy to potty train, and I thought we had pretty much succeeded until this week. She has had at least an accident a day.....and usually after she has just sat on the potty. There is rarely a time when I sit her on the potty that she doesn't at least pee, a little, but something. This past week has been very different.
I have also been dealing with a very strong willed and mischief child. Purposely doing things that she has know all along she can't do, mouthing back to me and purposely being mean to Wyatt and Brooke. Also acting like a baby....climbing into my lap and say gaa gaa and goo goo and telling me she is a baby.....I can't figure her out.
I know kids go through a period of jealously when thing in the house change.....but I have been watching Wyatt (my friends 7 month old) since the middle of May...and Jocey is just now acting up about it? I have a feeling she is doing some MAJOR testing and it has about broken me. Her attitude alone rivals a 16 year old.....what the hell am I going to do when she is actually 16?????
I guess for now just staying consistent and not letting her get away with things is what will work....I just feel like I am constantly on her about something.
For example a typical day consists of beginning our day with a battle about getting dressed....she would stay in her PJ's if I let her. Then I am on her to eat breakfast...she is mot a breakfast person and usually only eats a banana or yogurt. Then if Brooke comes over (My niece who is 3 weeks older then Jocey) it is usually breaking up there fights.....I don't break every one up, because they need to handle conflict on there on, but to tell you the truth, Jocey can be a bully! I do have the 'once in a blue moon' days when they don't fight......and if Wyatt is here, I am constantly asking her to leave him alone...she is a mother hen and is always 'picking' at him. Then a battle over lunch....usually because she likes the meat and cheese in her sandwich but not the bread. Then nap time, easily 1 to 2 hours to get her to fall asleep....I just don't want to admit she is probably ready for no nap.....but when she doesn't sleep, she is a bear at night. After her nap and supper are pretty easy because John is home.....when he speaks, she jumps,,,,WTF!!! Bath time is not so bad except she fights me when I wash her hair.....and bed time is the easiest. She gives kisses and goes to bed with out a fight.
WOW.....My child is out of control now that I write it all out. Please don't get me wrong, Jocelynn is a great daughter...just extremely trying....I think I am seeing now why we haven't been able to have anymore.....maybe a blessing in disguise at this point.
But, then you take last night...we went out to dinner, and to the mall and iParty (started shopping for her b-day party and Christmas) and you couldn't have asked for a better behaved child. I don't know...just venting. Hopefully as she approaches her B-day things maybe will get better....one can only hope....LOL
Please don't get me wrong....I love her and she is a blessing to me everyday....but also frustrating to no end! I still would not trade her for ANYTHING in this world!!!! She is MY world!
I have also been dealing with a very strong willed and mischief child. Purposely doing things that she has know all along she can't do, mouthing back to me and purposely being mean to Wyatt and Brooke. Also acting like a baby....climbing into my lap and say gaa gaa and goo goo and telling me she is a baby.....I can't figure her out.
I know kids go through a period of jealously when thing in the house change.....but I have been watching Wyatt (my friends 7 month old) since the middle of May...and Jocey is just now acting up about it? I have a feeling she is doing some MAJOR testing and it has about broken me. Her attitude alone rivals a 16 year old.....what the hell am I going to do when she is actually 16?????
I guess for now just staying consistent and not letting her get away with things is what will work....I just feel like I am constantly on her about something.
For example a typical day consists of beginning our day with a battle about getting dressed....she would stay in her PJ's if I let her. Then I am on her to eat breakfast...she is mot a breakfast person and usually only eats a banana or yogurt. Then if Brooke comes over (My niece who is 3 weeks older then Jocey) it is usually breaking up there fights.....I don't break every one up, because they need to handle conflict on there on, but to tell you the truth, Jocey can be a bully! I do have the 'once in a blue moon' days when they don't fight......and if Wyatt is here, I am constantly asking her to leave him alone...she is a mother hen and is always 'picking' at him. Then a battle over lunch....usually because she likes the meat and cheese in her sandwich but not the bread. Then nap time, easily 1 to 2 hours to get her to fall asleep....I just don't want to admit she is probably ready for no nap.....but when she doesn't sleep, she is a bear at night. After her nap and supper are pretty easy because John is home.....when he speaks, she jumps,,,,WTF!!! Bath time is not so bad except she fights me when I wash her hair.....and bed time is the easiest. She gives kisses and goes to bed with out a fight.
WOW.....My child is out of control now that I write it all out. Please don't get me wrong, Jocelynn is a great daughter...just extremely trying....I think I am seeing now why we haven't been able to have anymore.....maybe a blessing in disguise at this point.
But, then you take last night...we went out to dinner, and to the mall and iParty (started shopping for her b-day party and Christmas) and you couldn't have asked for a better behaved child. I don't know...just venting. Hopefully as she approaches her B-day things maybe will get better....one can only hope....LOL
Please don't get me wrong....I love her and she is a blessing to me everyday....but also frustrating to no end! I still would not trade her for ANYTHING in this world!!!! She is MY world!
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Frustrated and Selfish
So I have been in a weird funk for the last couple of weeks and figured the only way to get over it is to write it all down.
Pity Parties ~ I am so tired of saying why her and not me. I thought I had finally gotten over all that, but every time I turn around I see a damn pregnant belly, a newborn, or see an ultrasound picture. I know I am truly happy for all my friends who are expecting, but secretly I am dying inside for myself. Why ~ I claim to be following the path that is laid out for me by God, but I have been having trouble keeping the faith. All I want to say is why? What did I do? Please whatever it is tell me so maybe I can change it. All the while knowing that my faultering faith is what needs to be fixed! I feel lost and not sure how to find my way back.
Trying to focus on what I have and not what I want ~ These last few weeks I have been putting all my energy and attention into enjoying the miracle we have. Jocelynn lights up my life in more ways then I can even say. She and John are my world and I would be completely lost with out either of them. Deep, deep, deep in my heart I will never be truly happy until I can give my husband the children, particularly the son he deserves. I have put a tremendous pressure on myself. John is the last of his name for his family. He is the youngest of 5 (the other 4 are all sisters). and his uncle had only girls. On top of that he is named after his father and grandfather and is the third. Not once has he EVER put pressure on me, he has said numerous times that he would be completely happy being the father of only girls. But at last I am a failure as a woman. I am afraid he will be the father of only 1 daughter. I pray every night that I have the strength to fallow the path God has laid out for us, but I know deep down that if I am ever told I will never have any more children it would kill me!
Does my husband truly love me? ~ I ask myself this every day, and I know the answer, but I always have doubt. Not because he has given me any reason to doubt....it is all my doing. How can a woman who isn't truly a woman because she doesn't have a body that works like a woman, ever expect to be loved? Why can't I just be satisfied knowing that I am the one he wants? I guess it all comes down to my parents separation.....so cliche....but true. My idea of marriage was based on theirs.....I mean when John and I were married, they had been married for 23 years.....how can something fall so hard and fast in 5 years? I know John isn't my father, but I see a lot of our relationship in what my parents had when I was younger. So I am scared to death, and I should be but again, my imagination and fears seem to rule my every day. CAN THEY PLEASE STOP!!!!
So as you see, if you have been feeling like I am avoiding you, bitchy or overall just not interested....please know it is not you it is me.....I have been trying to put on my smile face, and hide the pain and agony I feel, but that is getting harder and harder to do. Man I wish my CO sisters lived closer....I could use a girls night out with all of you!!!!!!
Pity Parties ~ I am so tired of saying why her and not me. I thought I had finally gotten over all that, but every time I turn around I see a damn pregnant belly, a newborn, or see an ultrasound picture. I know I am truly happy for all my friends who are expecting, but secretly I am dying inside for myself. Why ~ I claim to be following the path that is laid out for me by God, but I have been having trouble keeping the faith. All I want to say is why? What did I do? Please whatever it is tell me so maybe I can change it. All the while knowing that my faultering faith is what needs to be fixed! I feel lost and not sure how to find my way back.
Trying to focus on what I have and not what I want ~ These last few weeks I have been putting all my energy and attention into enjoying the miracle we have. Jocelynn lights up my life in more ways then I can even say. She and John are my world and I would be completely lost with out either of them. Deep, deep, deep in my heart I will never be truly happy until I can give my husband the children, particularly the son he deserves. I have put a tremendous pressure on myself. John is the last of his name for his family. He is the youngest of 5 (the other 4 are all sisters). and his uncle had only girls. On top of that he is named after his father and grandfather and is the third. Not once has he EVER put pressure on me, he has said numerous times that he would be completely happy being the father of only girls. But at last I am a failure as a woman. I am afraid he will be the father of only 1 daughter. I pray every night that I have the strength to fallow the path God has laid out for us, but I know deep down that if I am ever told I will never have any more children it would kill me!
Does my husband truly love me? ~ I ask myself this every day, and I know the answer, but I always have doubt. Not because he has given me any reason to doubt....it is all my doing. How can a woman who isn't truly a woman because she doesn't have a body that works like a woman, ever expect to be loved? Why can't I just be satisfied knowing that I am the one he wants? I guess it all comes down to my parents separation.....so cliche....but true. My idea of marriage was based on theirs.....I mean when John and I were married, they had been married for 23 years.....how can something fall so hard and fast in 5 years? I know John isn't my father, but I see a lot of our relationship in what my parents had when I was younger. So I am scared to death, and I should be but again, my imagination and fears seem to rule my every day. CAN THEY PLEASE STOP!!!!
So as you see, if you have been feeling like I am avoiding you, bitchy or overall just not interested....please know it is not you it is me.....I have been trying to put on my smile face, and hide the pain and agony I feel, but that is getting harder and harder to do. Man I wish my CO sisters lived closer....I could use a girls night out with all of you!!!!!!