Not much has been happening. Following the story and life of the sweetest little girl, Kayleigh. It is remarkable how God works and he has truly blessed this family with a miracle! Please help me in continuing to pray for a full and quick recovery for Kayleigh.
Waiting to meet Derek. He is taking his sweet time and I know his Mommy has already given him his eviction notice! LOL. Let's hope today is his Birthday!!!!!
On the home front, really not much happening. Going about day to day life. Yesterday Mom and I were able to go to the Christmas Tree Shop!! (One just opened 20 minutes from my house!) It has to be by far my favorite store. It is a hit or miss, either you find a ton of items (like my Mom did!) or just a few or nothing. Depending what they have in stock. I know now that is it closer I will be visiting more frequently (used to have to drive an hour to get to one!)
My Christmas shopping is under way! I really have a great start and am about half done! Before Thanksgiving! What happened. I guess having the time to do it since I am not "working" allowed me to do this. It actually is great. Jocelynn is done......or so I say. I always end up finding something else for a person even after I say they are done. This year I am trying to stick to my guns. When I come up with an idea for her (or the few other people I have finished shopping for) I pass the idea onto others who will be shopping for that person! Genius, I know!!!! LOL
Lately I have been feeling better! I thing the "break" that we are taking from the TTC intervention is really working. I would love to jump completely off the TTC train, but that is not possible! I struggle too much with the What if's.....
Also I am a little down because in the next 5 weeks Jocelynn and Brooke (my beautiful niece) will be 3 years old! WHAT?!?!?!? were the hell did the time go? Seems like yesterday I was in labor and giving birth to Jocleynn, and in 5 weeks she will be 3!!!!!!!!!! I really time would slow the hell down!!!!
Saturday, November 8, 2008
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
Taking a Break
Not completely.....as that would kill me. Kinda the not trying but not preventing!
ok...so after much thinking and talking with John, we have decided to stop all medical help and TTC the good old natural way! No RE, no acupuncture. Just temps and BD. Hoping to get back to enjoying BDing again instead of it feeling like a chore.
We have not been to the RE in a couple months, but I have been updating her monthly with each new cycle. The Acupuncture is expensive to say the least. $88 a week for John and $85 every 2 weeks for me. With the holidays coming up and us on 1 income, I would rather start a savings account for when a new bundle of joy finally arrives for us!
I have not been in a good place for months. Tired of it all! This actually explains it best ~
I have become a person that I can't live with! I am jealous and resentful all the time. I am constantly seeing pregnant women in the store and such and immediately, I am in a bad mood.
I have decided that until I can focus on what I have in life instead of what I don't, then God will not bless us with another child. TTC has taken over my entire life and I feel like I am neglecting Jocelynn. I hate the thought that I may be missing some of the best years with Jocelynn because I was too busy worrying about giving her a brother or sister!
I know that in order to feel at piece with how my life is I must open my heart to God. John and I have decided to go back to church. Our first mission is to find a church that we feel comfortable and welcomed in. I decided to bring my feeling about going back to church to John the other day, and surprising enough he has been feeling the same way. We feel like there is something missing in our lives and marriage. We have always thought that is was another child. We now know that we were incorrect. We have not been to church since we were married in June of 2002. Although we loved our church then, they have become to large for us to feel comfortable in.
There are a few options in the area, and we have a family friend in the next town who knows alot more about the churches in the area, so John will be talking to him and asking him what he thinks.
This is a jumble of thoughts and I'm not completely sure if all my thoughts written down can be understood. I just know that something in my life has to change and I am the only one who can take the steps needed.
ok...so after much thinking and talking with John, we have decided to stop all medical help and TTC the good old natural way! No RE, no acupuncture. Just temps and BD. Hoping to get back to enjoying BDing again instead of it feeling like a chore.
We have not been to the RE in a couple months, but I have been updating her monthly with each new cycle. The Acupuncture is expensive to say the least. $88 a week for John and $85 every 2 weeks for me. With the holidays coming up and us on 1 income, I would rather start a savings account for when a new bundle of joy finally arrives for us!
I have not been in a good place for months. Tired of it all! This actually explains it best ~
I have become a person that I can't live with! I am jealous and resentful all the time. I am constantly seeing pregnant women in the store and such and immediately, I am in a bad mood.
I have decided that until I can focus on what I have in life instead of what I don't, then God will not bless us with another child. TTC has taken over my entire life and I feel like I am neglecting Jocelynn. I hate the thought that I may be missing some of the best years with Jocelynn because I was too busy worrying about giving her a brother or sister!
I know that in order to feel at piece with how my life is I must open my heart to God. John and I have decided to go back to church. Our first mission is to find a church that we feel comfortable and welcomed in. I decided to bring my feeling about going back to church to John the other day, and surprising enough he has been feeling the same way. We feel like there is something missing in our lives and marriage. We have always thought that is was another child. We now know that we were incorrect. We have not been to church since we were married in June of 2002. Although we loved our church then, they have become to large for us to feel comfortable in.
There are a few options in the area, and we have a family friend in the next town who knows alot more about the churches in the area, so John will be talking to him and asking him what he thinks.
This is a jumble of thoughts and I'm not completely sure if all my thoughts written down can be understood. I just know that something in my life has to change and I am the only one who can take the steps needed.
Sunday, November 2, 2008
GAAH!!!!
Life has been super busy and boring all at the same time.....LOL
First off my computer sucks! AGAIN! It really works fine other then the fact it won't log onto the Internet! (I am using the slower then I don't know what old one right now). John needs to take some time and figure out WTF is wrong with it. I WANT MY DAMN COMPUTER BACK!!!!!
Trick or treating was great (10/30)!!!!! John and I took Jocelynn around our block with 2 of my friends and their kids. A total of 6 kiddos in all! It was fun! We were only out for about an hour, but the last 3-4 hours you could tell Jocelynn had had enough and was ready to go home. Thankfully we had enough brains to bring the wagon so i didn't have to carry her. (Bee send me some of the pictures) My damn camera would work in the cold weather! Thankfully I had Jocelynn's warm Kangaroo costume from last year! She was SOOOOOOOOOOO cute!
Then Halloween day came and the last 3 days have sucked! Friday (10/31) my temp took a nose dive! All I can say is FUCK! My temps were looking normal and I really started to think that maybe this was my month! Then Saturday night (11/1) I began spotting. FUCK!!!! Ok, so I had my usual sad end to this cycle, but there is next cycle drink! White Russian...YUMMY! But this morning NOTHING!!!!!! FUCK! Maybe I shouldn't have had that drink? Why does my body hate me so????
I told myself I was not going to have anymore pity parties. I lied! I hate that I feel like I have no way to get through the heart break of every month except to throw myself a pity party. I just keep wondering what I did that is so horrible that I would be punished like this? Thousands of woman get pregnant every month who don't want to be, most ending it with an abortion! Am I the only one that finds that crazy!
Then i feel guilty because I have a beautiful daughter and that should be enough! She is! I truly feel blessed everyday that she is part of my life, but, I have always said that I didn't want to have an only child! All I am asking for is 1 more! Kinda a compromise on my end since John and I originally wanted 4 when we first started ttcing! Ok, that is out of my system. hopefully I can move on to the next cycle.....I jusy hope that if the witch is gonna show, she does it so I can move on!
In other news! Jocelynn did the cutest thing yesterday! She asked John is she could have some candy. Of course he told her to come ask me. She did and I said No (It was only about 10am). She looks at me matter of factly and said "Well, Dad said if I asked my Mother I could." *shocked* I lost it. Laughing so hard, the tears were running down my face! Where does she come up with this stuff!
First off my computer sucks! AGAIN! It really works fine other then the fact it won't log onto the Internet! (I am using the slower then I don't know what old one right now). John needs to take some time and figure out WTF is wrong with it. I WANT MY DAMN COMPUTER BACK!!!!!
Trick or treating was great (10/30)!!!!! John and I took Jocelynn around our block with 2 of my friends and their kids. A total of 6 kiddos in all! It was fun! We were only out for about an hour, but the last 3-4 hours you could tell Jocelynn had had enough and was ready to go home. Thankfully we had enough brains to bring the wagon so i didn't have to carry her. (Bee send me some of the pictures) My damn camera would work in the cold weather! Thankfully I had Jocelynn's warm Kangaroo costume from last year! She was SOOOOOOOOOOO cute!
Then Halloween day came and the last 3 days have sucked! Friday (10/31) my temp took a nose dive! All I can say is FUCK! My temps were looking normal and I really started to think that maybe this was my month! Then Saturday night (11/1) I began spotting. FUCK!!!! Ok, so I had my usual sad end to this cycle, but there is next cycle drink! White Russian...YUMMY! But this morning NOTHING!!!!!! FUCK! Maybe I shouldn't have had that drink? Why does my body hate me so????
I told myself I was not going to have anymore pity parties. I lied! I hate that I feel like I have no way to get through the heart break of every month except to throw myself a pity party. I just keep wondering what I did that is so horrible that I would be punished like this? Thousands of woman get pregnant every month who don't want to be, most ending it with an abortion! Am I the only one that finds that crazy!
Then i feel guilty because I have a beautiful daughter and that should be enough! She is! I truly feel blessed everyday that she is part of my life, but, I have always said that I didn't want to have an only child! All I am asking for is 1 more! Kinda a compromise on my end since John and I originally wanted 4 when we first started ttcing! Ok, that is out of my system. hopefully I can move on to the next cycle.....I jusy hope that if the witch is gonna show, she does it so I can move on!
In other news! Jocelynn did the cutest thing yesterday! She asked John is she could have some candy. Of course he told her to come ask me. She did and I said No (It was only about 10am). She looks at me matter of factly and said "Well, Dad said if I asked my Mother I could." *shocked* I lost it. Laughing so hard, the tears were running down my face! Where does she come up with this stuff!
Popular Posts
-
This past weekend was great! It was relaxing and we spent alot of time together as a family. We went out with My mom on Saturday, and then o... -
So today I took a trip to the ER...Not how I wanted to start the new year off! I'm ok, scared out of my mind and thankful it wasn'... -
I want to say thank you to all the men and women who have served or are serving in the military! I appreciate the sacrifice you and your fam...