Overwhelmed!

That one word says it all....overwhelmed.

There is so much going on with Jocelynn, from Kindergarten graduation, to her surgery, I started filling out the registration paperwork for 1st grade next year (public school which I'm unsure how I feel about), and her behavior problems in the last week. I am at a lost.

Not to mention frustration and disappointment at work.

I also seem to be on a huge shit list. I don't feel like I'm doing anything wrong, but it seems there are many people unhappy around me. I feel like I am pulled in hundreds of different directions and can feel myself pulled very thin and on the verge of breaking. I can't even really explain it.....which makes me even more frustrated!

Some of the issue may be the weather. It has been rainy and cool for the last 2 weeks, finally today the sun is out, but I don't feel like going out and enjoying (especially since my hubby is working ALL day)! The only reason I feel I am out of bed is for Jocelynn's sake, and even she seems to be pushing my buttons. I know it is not her fault, but I have had to "take a break" more times then I want to admit.

For once I would like to feel like there is someone out there that doesn't expect me to be perfect! I want someone (besides my hubby and daughter) to make time for me, not vice verse. I want someone to ask me if I am ok, and not expect me to know all the answers. Not leave every decision to be made in my hands. I want to follow, not lead.

I feel like I am put out there to fail. Everyone looks to me to lead so that when shit hits the fan, there is someone to blame.

I can sit her all day and complain....I don't want to. I want to get these feeling out of me and move on! I want to be happy! I'm just not sure how to take that first step in the right direction......I have to keep trying! For no one else except my family!

Jocelynn's Surgery

Yes, Jocelynn is having surgery. She needs her tonsils and Adenoids removed. So, when our health insurance was officially active on May 1st, I called the Dr. June 29th is her scheduled surgery date. I picked that date for 2 reasons, it is after her Kindergarten Graduation (June 15th) and she doesn't have daycare for the July 4th week. With her surgery being on the 29th, her recuperation will be the week of July 4th. So instead of having to take 2 weeks off (the July 4th week because there was no summer camp and post surgery recuperation week, I combined them....I know I'm a genius sometimes....lol)

I'm not going to lie, I am nervous as all get not. My baby girl is having surgery...eeeekkk. Everyone can tell me she is fine, Her Dr. is one of the best, he does this all the time, it like second nature for him....I don't care, it's MY BABY GIRL!!!!!

It was so bad, my heart was racing as I was talking to nurse and scheduling it....*sigh*

She knows she is going to have surgery at some point, I just haven't told her it is scheduled. She has been very nervous about it since we left the Dr. office back in Nov/Dec. I will tell her, I'm just not sure when. I want to do it far enough in advance as to not "spring it" on her at the last minute, but not far enough that she worried herself sick over it (which she will do). I have told her that when she has her treatment so her throat doesn't hurt....and that seems to be ok, it seems to the the big S word (surgery) that freaks her out. 

I guess time will tell, and I am sure she will handle it better then I give her credit for, she usually does.

April Update

Where do I begin with April.

In April, Jocelynn had school vacation and Good Friday off from school. For Good Friday, I stayed home with her and we brought Mulan to the vet. Mulan is perfect (a quote for the vet, but I already knew that). I had the privileged to watch Brooke and Gage for the night, it is amazing that you forget what having a 1 year old is like. They were both great, it was a different routine for me and every time either one of the moved, I was awake....lol

Happy 3rd Birthday to my sweet nephew Tyler! It is hard to believe he is 3 already!

Jocelynn, Brooke and Gage at Easter

Happy Easter!!!!!! Jocelynn, Brooke and Gage were so cute on the Easter egg hunt, although Gage was bored with it after his 3rd egg....LOL As you can see by the picture, Gage was ready for a nap and not into having his picture taken!

Happy 1st Birthday Gage!

Happy 1st Birthday to my handsome nephew Gage! One year flew, but I am so blessed that my wonderful sister-in-law has kept me up to date on all thing pertaining to Brooke and Gage!

Jocelynn continues to do wonderful in Girl Scouts, but is undecided about next year. Some days she wants to continue, and then other days she says she doesn't. I guess I will continue to ask her and at some point she will have to make a decision.

Work has been frustrating and emotionally draining. That is all I can say about it, but I pray every day that things will change for the better again.

Happy Anniversary to Julio and Jody! 10 years is a wonderful milestone and there will be many more happy years ahead!

The new do!

April also saw a change for me, a new hair style. It is a modified pixie cut (that what my hair stylist calls it) I'm unsure about it. It is definitely different and it will take some time getting used to and figuring out how to style it. Only time will tell.

On the TTC front, John and I are trying some herbal supplements. I can't wait for May 1st when we have health insurance back and I can go back to the Dr.