Thursday, April 30, 2009

TTC Update

So On Tuesday, 4/28 (CD 10) I had an u/s to check follie growth. I had 6 ~ R: 10.44, 10.66, 10.75 & 11.52 L: 11.62 & 11.73. Not bad, but not were they usually are at thing point in my cycle after Clomid.

So Today, I went for a follow-up u/s to check their progress; R: 10.42, 12.35, 12.45, 12.62 & 12.82 L: 8.15 & 10.31. WHAT HAPPENED???? the 2 on the left seem to have given up and they are not in the running any more. The 4 on the left have grown...great!!!...but not as much as I have seen in the past, and they added a

So I get to go AGAIN on Saturday for another u/s to see if they are going to continue to grow or if they are going to fizzle out. Why is my body throwing me a curve ball this month?

I have a few theories:
1: I have been sick.....I know this can effect other aspects of the body.
2: I have been stressed! We all know how that can effect us.
3: I took my Clomid on CD 6-10 instead of CD 5-9. Why you ask? because I forgot. I feel like a buffoon. I don't know why I forgot to take it on the first day when I should have, I just did. You would think that this is #1 on my list of thing to remember? I have no excuse other then I am human.

So maybe this cycle is a bust already? who knows, not sure how many u/s they will give me? I guess we will find out!

Also, I know this may sound funny, but after having some time to process the news from the Dr. in regards to John's s/a I have realized that for the first time in the last 30 cycle of TTC, I feel Hopeful. We have an answer and a treatment course.

I also feel like God has opened my eyes to the WHY. Why are we going through infertility a second time. I know the first time was for me to be dx with PCOS. So i could start treatment and be a step ahead of the effect PCOS can have if gone untreated. This time was so John could be treated for low testoterone and when else the Urologist may find. Again, if gone untreated has some bad effects on the body. Praise the Lord for He is always by our side and will always be there to show us the way!


Tuesday, April 28, 2009

A small ray of sunshine....i guess

SO, John received the his results from his testosterone's low. Waiting on the full results from the Dr., but the basic results are low. I know this sounds funny, but that is the best news I have heard all day. This means it may be simple hormone replacement!

John says he is relieved with all the news we have received today. I asked him why? He said, and I quote "I am hoping that this takes some of the pressure off you and you can start to realize that you are not's me."

This is why I love this man with all my heart!

I ask that you pray that we are strong enough to have faith in God's plan!

Spiraling downward............

That is exactly how I am can I not? I feel like God has placed an wall on every path we try and take that will get us to our goal of having another child. I am trying to keep faith and remember that God has a plan for me.......but why can't he just give us a break? I guess i will never know and like other down moments, this too will pass!

You may be asking "what happened?" I received John's s/a results today.......not good. Worse then 2004 when we started the journey. My RE has suggested seeing a male fertility specialist, I didn't even realize there was such a i guess that is good news. But I still feel depressed and frustrated and ready to give up......maybe I need to come to the realization that my daughter will be an only much as I hate that thought.....but there isn't much I can do to change that!

I'm not going into the numbers here, but lets just say they are bad! Even though his numbers aren't non existant, and it could still happen, it going to take just short of a miracle.

So now I have even more to think about.....maybe this is Gods way of telling me to go ahead with the weightloss surgery. Maybe this is the nudge I need to stop obsessing about TTC and enjoy life and my beautiful daughter....who I now realize is even more of a miracle!!!!! Who knows, it happened once, it can happen again.

But honestly, if I could take a miracle and give it to some of the many ladies that are still struggling to conceive #1, I would in a heart beat. (even if that meant I would have an only child) I know it sound funny, but I know many of these ladies and they deserve nothing more then to have a child! They are wonderful and I have leaned on them more then once! I don't know how I would have made it through the last 12+ months without them.....I love my CO sisters!

Talking about support, I have wonderful ladies who have also been there for me every month. My Mom, Kristina and Jody have been a rock and seems to know how to just listen when needed and also 'smack' me and bring me back to reality when I need it. I have leaned on them and they have helped me more then I think they even realize.

Then of course there is John, Jocelynn, Jekka and Brooke! Jekka....I love you! Jekka and Brooke, my beautiful nieces who have been there to put a smile on my face when I needed it most! John and Jocelynn who are my rocks and continue to get me through each and every day!

Wow, sound like I'm giving my fairwell speech........NO I am not. Just wanted to let the people who have been there for me know how much they mean to me!

SO now to have a long conversation and allot of praying with John. Not sure what we are going to do, but I know God has a plan and I just need to have faith!

Monday, April 27, 2009

Dr. Appointment

Went to the Dr. today for my back. He said it is muscular and tried to blame it on my weight. HELLO.....I have not gained any weight and this all of a sudden happened....I highly doubt it is due from my weight. My weight may be an issue on why it is taking so long to get better. So he gave me Tylenol with Codeine to take at night, because I can't take much else because I have the kids all day.

He also gave me a stronger heartburn med (again he tried to blame it's being worse with my weight.....again I haven't gained any weight).

I have hardly a voice today. I have been suffering with chest congestion all weekend, and this morning I woke up with the voice thing. Dr. Says that is a cold and will run it's course....wasn't really going to see him for anything but my back, but since I was

Also I have a referral to get the ingrown toe nails taken care of. They have been bothering me for months!!!

He believe I may suffer from sleep apnea......maybe I caught it from John....LMAO! So looks like I will be doing a sleep study soon.

Last but not least for me, he informed me that I qualify for a weight loss surgery. Not sure how I feel about this. It's kinda like being stuck between a rock and a hard place. If I go with the surgery, I have to put TTC on hold but, the weight loss could increase our chances of conceiving. What to do, what to do!?!?!? I have an appointment with my RE tomorrow, I am going to discuss this with her and find out the specifics on the impact it will have on TTC.....exactly how long we would have to put it on hold! I will also do allot of praying on this subject.......

John received some results from his blood work and x-rays. His foot looks fine on his now were do we go? It is still bothering him!

His thyroid results came back issue there. We are still waiting on the testosterone results. I'm glad there is no issue so far, but with no issue comes no treatment and that sucks!

I guess it is all a waiting game. Waiting to hear from the neurologist to schedule an appointment for John's sleep study and waiting for a call from the foot Dr. so I can take care of the pains in my life seems to be all about waiting and my patience are drying up fast!


Happy Anniversary to Julio and Jody!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday, April 26, 2009

All fixed!

John was able to fix the computer....not exactly sure what was wrong, but it fixed and that is that matters to

This weekend was BEAUTIFUL! It has been so nice since Thursday! Aunt Sandy, Uncle Roger and Brittney came over and played on the new swing set with Jocelynn and Brooke. Friday it was Just Jocelynn and I, the normal grocery shopping trip and then the afternoon we spent outside on the swings. Saturday was almost 90 degrees, we went to play mini golf and had a cookout with the family! Today was also 90 degrees and after church we spent the afternoon outside enjoying the sunshine! I couldn't have asked for a better weekend.....except for a certain Mr. DJM visiting a certain Ms. JRA!

In other news, My back won't give me a break. I'm calling the Dr. tomorrow to have it checked out. I wasn't going to, but the fact that it is still acting up for 10 day, it's time to cave and call. I'm hoping they can see me soon and at least give me something to help me sleep at night. I guess we will see.

This week should be an interesting week, with u/s and a possible IUI on the schedule. Along with my back appointment and the results from John's testing. Please keep us in your prayers!

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Damn Computer

My computer is bugging the shit out of me. It is Sooooooo Sloooooow and will only let me on a few of my websites. I can load here and fertility friend (so all you chart stalkers, that is up to date) but I haven't been able to log into CO, Myspace or facebook.....gaah. But in order to get onto the site that I am 'allowed' it take forever. The main part of the computer seems to be working fine. It seems to be just the internet, which I thought was the problem, but John has done some investigative work and my niece has no issue at her house (down the street) so I am now assuming it is the computer.

I have saved all my files to a disk so John can dump and reboot.

In TTC news, John had his s/a this morning and blood work to test his thyroid and testosterone. I will be interested to see what comes of these tests. I have an u/s scheduled for Tuesday (4/28) to check follie growth, so I am hoping to have the results then. Please pray that if there is an issue, it is treatable!

Going to be enjoying the weather this weekend, it is supposed to be in the 80's all weekend........HEAVEN!!! I have been in Capri's and flip flops since yesterday when it was in the 70's!!!!! I am so ready for this nice weather!

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's Light The Night Walk

I'm raising money for a very important cause: finding better treatments and cures for blood cancers so patients can live better, longer lives through The Leukemia & Lymphoma Society's Light The Night Walk. I'm asking you to help by making a contribution! Please click here to donate online quickly & securely. You will receive an email confirmation of your donation as soon as it is made. I thank you in advance for your support which will make a difference in the lives of thousands of patients battling blood cancers.

As many of you know, I lost my Aunt Kathy last July to Leukemia. She battled for most of her life and I know she is in heaven with my grandmother and is no longer in pain. This was a tough battle for her and I want to help as many other people who are battling in the hope that maybe their families won't have to go through the same heartache and these individuals don't have to suffer in the same way.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

On to Cycle 30

Went today for an u/s to make sure I did not have any cysts! Good news, we are a go for meds this cycle again....NO CYSTS!!!!!

I will be doing Clomid CD 5-9. My next u/s to check follie growth is on CD 10 (4/28/09) and then we will go from there. We will be doing an IUI this cycle.

I will update more once we are further into the cycle. John and I are praying that this is our month!

Monday, April 20, 2009

Outdoor Fun!

John and my Dad were able to put Jocelynn's swing set up this weekend. Today that is all I have heard

John and My Dad working on the swing set!

Jocelynn and Jekka swinging.....well, Jekka

John and my Dad took a little too long finishing the slide.....Jocelynn sat at the end and was waiting....not so patiently!


As you can see, she had a blast and it was made even better because her favorite cousin was up to make her every wish come true!!!! Love you Jekka!!!!! It was nice to spend time outside in the nice weather and start washing away those winter blues!

We are still looking into preschool for her, not sure it will be needed if we also sign her up for karate as well as her dance classes. I think I like the idea right now of the extracurricular activities with a possible preschool in September.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Dance Class....

Today was Jocelynn's first Ballet and Tap Dance class. Last night when we purchased her ballet and tap shoes, tights and leotard she was so excited. All the way to dance class she wouldn't stop talking about dancing and "being a princess." Once we were at the Studio and dance class was beginning it was a different story. She didn't want to leave Mommy's side. She stood in the door the entire hour and watched.

The ladies at Studio 109 were wonderful. I am sure they see this all the time. It is an hour class, the first 30 minutes in Ballet and the last 30 minutes is Tap. She changed her shoes and everything but wouldn't go into the class and try. I think it was very overwhelming for her and hopefully next class will be better. We have talked about next class and she says that she will be a big girl and go in and dance, but we all know that what a 3 year old says and what a 3 year old does are two different things.

As you can see, she is adorable in her leotard.

A Picture of me during Dance.

I guess only time will tell and I pray that she will enjoy it as much as I do. She is not going to the same studio as I did because I have decided to take her this studio because the owner is a woman I went to school with and she is great. She even tried to help me get Jocelynn to join the class.

In other news, today is CD1.....gaah....I knew it was coming but the witch took her sweet time. So onto the next cycle and meds with an IUI.

Thursday, April 16, 2009

Beautiful Days

The last few days have been beautiful outside! Jocelynn and I have been trying to take advantage of that. Tuesday we went outside and she was able to ride her bike and play. It was nice to enjoy the fresh air!

Yesterday Jocelynn and I spent the day together. We went to lunch, shopping and the playground. It was nice to have some special time with just her. That evening Jocelynn was able to ride her bike again. I was able to get a picture and video.

Jocelynn was so proud of herself. She was so cute!

When she was done riding, this is what she did. Saying "Mommy, I'm tired."

Today is beautiful as well. As soon as Jocelynn is up from her nap we will be going outside again!

What is also great, with all this playing outside, Jocelynn has begun taking a nap again!!!!! YAY!!!!!

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Doing Better

I won't lie. I was crushed yesterday. I was so hopeful with this cycle because my P4 level was wonderful! I'm doing better, but my cycle hasn't started. I haven't had the 3 days of bleeding that is a constant reminder of the failure I am as a woman.

John and I have decided to have is s/a done along with any other test he can get done. Unfortunately the Dr. feels that it has to be an issue on his end because my body is doing everything 'normally'. John mentioned wanting to have his testosterone checked and I will be researching herbal supplements that he can take. We have also decided that we will be doing an IUI this month. He told me that his boss will have to deal with him being late to work one day because having a baby is more important to him. This is why I love this man with all my heart!

On to happier news, I had a dentist appointment. It was uncomfortable as usual, mad worse by the medication I have taken in the last 30 days. But NO CAVITIES!!!! That is great news for me. My teeth are soft and I can count on one hand the number of times I have gone for a cleaning and not had a cavity. Not often. It is nice to hear! Now I don't have to go back until October!

Jocelynn is great. She seemed to realize that I was upset yesterday. She kept hugging and kissing me and saying, "Mommy, I love you." I am truly blessed to have her. She knows exactly what I need to feel better.

Monday, April 13, 2009


I hope everyone had a wonderful Easter! We did. It was a blast and fun to see the girl in the yard looking for eggs. We had a great Ham dinner and spend some great time with family!

She was so cute coloring Easter eggs. She had a ton of fun!

She was a spoiled girl on Easter morning! She was so excited!

She had so much fun looking for the eggs. She kept saying, "I found another one Mom!"

In other news, I went to the Dr. today for my BETA.....BFN. So on to cycle #30. This month we will have a John will have a s/a done and we will hopefully doing an IUI.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009


Welcome Tyler Cesar!!!!!! I can't wait to meet this precious little boy who was born on 4/8/09!!!!

Monday, April 6, 2009

Blood work results (1 of 2)

This morning I went to have blood work to check my progesterone level (P4). The Dr. called about 30 minutes ago with the results......59.7......*shocked*

My Dr. likes to see the level over 10.....think I made it!!!!!

This is the best P4 level I have had in the last 12 cycles! It renews my hope in things!!!!!

Saturday, April 4, 2009

The Easter Bunny

Jocelynn and the Easter Bunny ~ 2009

She did better then I thought. It was nice, there was no line when we got there. The Bunny came out to greet us, Jocelynn took his hand and walked back to the bench and sat on his lap. She asked that I stand next to her, and luckily they accommodate for

She looked at the picture and said "Mommy, your not in the picture. Where are you?" So Cute!


Things have been so busy with Work. Hoping to be done by the end of this month. I hope this new person will work out, but it isn't looking good.

John and I had a nice date night last night. We both 'dressed up' (any chance for me to wear one of the new dresses I purchased that I love) and he took me the Olive Garden. It has been years since we had been there and I realized how much I have missed their salad and bread sticks! It was a great dinner and it was very nice to get out with John. We finished up Jocelynn's Easter shopping and John received his early Father's Day Gift, a universal remote for the basement. Instead of 6 remotes, we now have one that runs everything!!!! It is very nice.

The next 9 days are exciting, Today we are going to see the Easter Bunny and have pictures, Jocelynn is super excited! I go in Monday (4-6) for my progesterone level test!!! I'm hoping the number is great! Wednesday (4/8) I become an Aunt again! Jody and Julio will welcome Tyler, and I can't wait to visit them in a few weeks to meet this precious bundle and to see Gabby and them again! Sunday is Easter and the family will be together and the girls are so cute finding the eggs and then Monday (4-13) is my BETA!!! (Blood pregnancy test).

All in all I have a lot to look forward too. Guess that is what makes life exciting!!!!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

The good and the bad

Good news, CD 10 FSH level was a 4.6!!!!! That is very good and the RE is no longer concerned about my ovarian reserve!!!!!! That is a load off of my mind! I am kinda going crazy in this 2ww. It always is like this after a break, getting back on the horse and the possibilities are amazing and makes me feel hopeful again!

Things have been going good otherwise. Work is frustrating and the new person that I am training is frustrating, but I should be finished up there shortly. I have decided to continue my Fridays at the shelter as a volunteer. I enjoy the 'me' time and Jocelynn seems to be minding better since I am not home 24/7. We will see how long this trick works!

Things have been pretty boring and same thing day after day, which is good but leaves too much time for my brain to work overtime!

JD, you are in my thoughts today. Please let me know if you need to chat, I am always here for you! {{{hugs}}}

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