Saturday, November 29, 2008


Seems when shit hits the fan, it is enough to suffocate you.

Thursday (Thanksgiving) morning, I wake up to the damn bitch showing her face. AF needs to make her appearance this month and then not again for another 9 months.

Then we get a call for John's sister, John's grandfather passed away in his sleep. This is a man whom John is named after (John is the 3rd) and shares a birthday with. It was sudden, but his healthy had been failing for the last few months. We will be heading down to Delaware, for the services on Monday, and will not be back home until Friday.

I have not seen John cry in the 9 years we have been together. The news Thursday morning hit him....hard. I feel for him and his sisters and parents. This is tough, but we must all remember that his is with our Father, God, and he is at peace, with his wife and his family that had passed before him. He was 92 and had lived a full life, in fact he was still living by himself, in the home him and his wife had purchased and raised their children in. He went peacefully in his sleep with no suffering. If we all could be so lucky when our time comes to return home!

Rest in Peace Poppop, John David Miller, Sr. (8.19.1916 ~ 11.27-2008) This picture was taken the night before he passed.

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving!

Wishing all my friends a wonderful holiday! Enjoy the time spent with those who are dearest to your heart!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Another Busted Month!

So the damn bitch will be here tomorrow, I'm spotting now. I am actually not as upset as past months because I just knew this wasn't the month! So on to another cycle (25th) and still no meds, no Dr. nothing! I am hoping to enjoy the holidays this year!

What is great, I am due to start again ON Christmas day! Maybe I will get a BFP instead! Come on Santa, haven't I been a good girl this year?!?!?!

SO I guess we will just have to wait and see! Sorry to cut this post short, I am in the middle of baking for Tomorrow!


Just for a Chuckle!

funny pictures of cats with captions
more animals

This is exactly how I think my cat thinks!!!!!!

It says (...and in my tell-all book you shall be simple known as
The idiot I live with!)

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Where does the time go?!?!?!

Seems like yesterday both my SIL and I were pregnant. Now our little girls are turning 3!


I just can't believe 3 years can go that fast. What a ride it has been and I wouldn't trade it for ANYTHING!

We are having Jocelynn's pictures taken today. I am so excited! I just pray she behaves and we get some good shots quickly since we will be outside and it is only supposed to be 30 degrees. BRRRRRRRRR. Then I will be ordering my christmas cards this morning or tomorrow. Depends on when I get the picture CD. Should be no later then Monday!

On the ttc front, I believe my bbt is broken. I will be buying another one this morning but as I was told, I can't use it until next cycle. It is not good to change bbt mid cycle. SO I am slightly crazy not knowing what my true temp is (staying on 98.6 and 98.5 with the broke bbt). I seriously think this cycle is out. I have been cramping on and off for the last 3 days and I am mega bitchy. Sounds like PMS to me!

Praying for my girls who are going through some procedures in the next 4-6 weeks (M, A and J! You know who you are!)And also praying for those of you who are nearing the end of your pregnancy! You will get to meet your little bundle of joys soon! I can't wait and I am so excited for all of you!!!!!!

Monday, November 17, 2008

My little girl is growing up too fast!

The last two days have been an eye opening experience for me. We went out and about, Christmas shopping and trying to find a Christmas dress and birthday party outfit for Jocelynn. I no longer can shop in the toddler section for Jocelynn (unless they carry size 5X). I wanted to cry! I had to get her party dress and outfit in girls size 4-6x. I know it sounds like not such a big deal, but it is!

Party Dress

Birthday Top, which I will pair with a very cute pair of jeans!

Then, as if Sunday wasn't enough, tonight we went to get Jocelynn a booster seat! After reading the packaging, she was big enough LAST YEAR to be using one, I guess I just wasn't mentally ready. Not so sure I am now, but I guess I don't have a choice! I did cry!
My big girls booster seat!

My baby is no longer a baby! It went way too damn fast!!!!!!! She will be 3 years old in just over 3 weeks! What the hell happened?!?!?!?! Life just flies, and then all of a sudden you realize just how much time has flown by!

Thursday, November 13, 2008

It's a BOY!!!!!

My girlfriend in Delaware just found out she is having a BOY!!!! I am beyond excited! Another nephew to love and shower with gifts!!!!

I knew all along that she was having a boy! Seems everyone I know who is pregnant is having a boy!!!! When I was pg with Jocelynn, everyone around me was having a girl! So I guess you could say i am being selfish and hoping some of the blue luck will rub off on me...LMAO!

I can honestly say I was bracing myself all day for the news. I remember the melt downs I would have in the past and didn't want to be anything but happy and excited for two people who mean the world to me! I actually did surprise myself! No break down, no pity party, NOTHING!!! Just excitement and happiness. I think I may be finally turning over that leaf that is so desperately needed for my sanity!!!!!


Wednesday, November 12, 2008

The Loves of my Life!!!


Brooke Elizabeth and Jocelynn Noelle!

They are just the 2 sweetest little girls alive! Along with being the 2 biggest trouble makers in the world!!!!

The fill my day with giggles and smiles, aggravation and mischief! The are so close in age, that they sometimes fight like sisters! Brooke will be 3 on 11/22 and Jocelynn will be 3 on 12/12. (would have never guessed the peanut was older...LOL)

Along with Wyatt!

My days are busy! I love nap time! They all lay down for a nap at the same time (around 12 ~ 12:30pm) and I can usually get between 1 ~ 3 hours of me time!!!! YAY!!!!!

I may be taking on a few more children come next year! I know for sure my 8 year old cousin will be coming after school for a few hours...LOL What have I gotten myself into????

Monday, November 10, 2008

When Old Friends Get Together....

There will be trouble...LOL. My BFF turned 30 on November 4th, so I (along with 2 of our other friends (thanks for joining us Amanda and Bree) took Sierra out to Dinner and Trouble on Saturday. Chili's was awesome, until i went to pay the bill and realized I had left my Debit Card at home...WTF! Thankfully I have the greatest husband in the world and he came down to pay our tab.....LOL

So instead of going to the bar (not really our thing) we went and bought drinkies and went back to my house. Let me just tell you the trip in Hannaford's was Hilarious!!!! Of the 4 or us who went, I am the baby....I say that with some pride...LMAO! Anyhoo, while I was buying the Smirnoff Ice (YUMMY!!!) Bree noticed their halloween candy was 75% off. So innocently she asked, what is 75% off of $.69. Without missing a beat, Amanda says a quickie!! ROLFLMAO!!!!! Bree and I were the only ones who hadn't had a drink at the restaurant, but we lost it! It is a good think it was 8 at night, because I know too many people at Hannaford!!!

So when we got back to my house, John was watching Hitman. The seemed to get right into the movie and it an awesome movie......warning, lots of violence and blood!

Once the movie was over we all decided to play Wii. Keep in mind that Sierra and I both had been drinking (I had 6 Smirnoff Ice and she was on 4, plus she had 2 drinks at the restaurant) and we still kicked ass!!!!! Bowling and Mini Golf!

It was too bad when the night ended (not ti 12:30am) but it was much needed and I actually felt NORMAL! We will be doing it again! Hopefully the end of December/ beginning of January for Amanda and Bree's Birthdays!

Love you ladies and HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIERRA!!!!!!!

The 4 of us!! (Bree, Amanda, Sierra and Me!)

Sierra and I playing Wii!

Can you tell we had a lot to drink? I could only stand when it was my turn!!

And then this is how I tried to get up....LMAO!!!!

Saturday, November 8, 2008

Just Living Life!

Not much has been happening. Following the story and life of the sweetest little girl, Kayleigh. It is remarkable how God works and he has truly blessed this family with a miracle! Please help me in continuing to pray for a full and quick recovery for Kayleigh.

Waiting to meet Derek. He is taking his sweet time and I know his Mommy has already given him his eviction notice! LOL. Let's hope today is his Birthday!!!!!

On the home front, really not much happening. Going about day to day life. Yesterday Mom and I were able to go to the Christmas Tree Shop!! (One just opened 20 minutes from my house!) It has to be by far my favorite store. It is a hit or miss, either you find a ton of items (like my Mom did!) or just a few or nothing. Depending what they have in stock. I know now that is it closer I will be visiting more frequently (used to have to drive an hour to get to one!)

My Christmas shopping is under way! I really have a great start and am about half done! Before Thanksgiving! What happened. I guess having the time to do it since I am not "working" allowed me to do this. It actually is great. Jocelynn is done......or so I say. I always end up finding something else for a person even after I say they are done. This year I am trying to stick to my guns. When I come up with an idea for her (or the few other people I have finished shopping for) I pass the idea onto others who will be shopping for that person! Genius, I know!!!! LOL

Lately I have been feeling better! I thing the "break" that we are taking from the TTC intervention is really working. I would love to jump completely off the TTC train, but that is not possible! I struggle too much with the What if's.....

Also I am a little down because in the next 5 weeks Jocelynn and Brooke (my beautiful niece) will be 3 years old! WHAT?!?!?!? were the hell did the time go? Seems like yesterday I was in labor and giving birth to Jocleynn, and in 5 weeks she will be 3!!!!!!!!!! I really time would slow the hell down!!!!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Taking a Break

Not that would kill me. Kinda the not trying but not preventing! after much thinking and talking with John, we have decided to stop all medical help and TTC the good old natural way! No RE, no acupuncture. Just temps and BD. Hoping to get back to enjoying BDing again instead of it feeling like a chore.

We have not been to the RE in a couple months, but I have been updating her monthly with each new cycle. The Acupuncture is expensive to say the least. $88 a week for John and $85 every 2 weeks for me. With the holidays coming up and us on 1 income, I would rather start a savings account for when a new bundle of joy finally arrives for us!

I have not been in a good place for months. Tired of it all! This actually explains it best ~

I have become a person that I can't live with! I am jealous and resentful all the time. I am constantly seeing pregnant women in the store and such and immediately, I am in a bad mood.

I have decided that until I can focus on what I have in life instead of what I don't, then God will not bless us with another child. TTC has taken over my entire life and I feel like I am neglecting Jocelynn. I hate the thought that I may be missing some of the best years with Jocelynn because I was too busy worrying about giving her a brother or sister!

I know that in order to feel at piece with how my life is I must open my heart to God. John and I have decided to go back to church. Our first mission is to find a church that we feel comfortable and welcomed in. I decided to bring my feeling about going back to church to John the other day, and surprising enough he has been feeling the same way. We feel like there is something missing in our lives and marriage. We have always thought that is was another child. We now know that we were incorrect. We have not been to church since we were married in June of 2002. Although we loved our church then, they have become to large for us to feel comfortable in.

There are a few options in the area, and we have a family friend in the next town who knows alot more about the churches in the area, so John will be talking to him and asking him what he thinks.

This is a jumble of thoughts and I'm not completely sure if all my thoughts written down can be understood. I just know that something in my life has to change and I am the only one who can take the steps needed.

Sunday, November 2, 2008


Life has been super busy and boring all at the same time.....LOL

First off my computer sucks! AGAIN! It really works fine other then the fact it won't log onto the Internet! (I am using the slower then I don't know what old one right now). John needs to take some time and figure out WTF is wrong with it. I WANT MY DAMN COMPUTER BACK!!!!!

Trick or treating was great (10/30)!!!!! John and I took Jocelynn around our block with 2 of my friends and their kids. A total of 6 kiddos in all! It was fun! We were only out for about an hour, but the last 3-4 hours you could tell Jocelynn had had enough and was ready to go home. Thankfully we had enough brains to bring the wagon so i didn't have to carry her. (Bee send me some of the pictures) My damn camera would work in the cold weather! Thankfully I had Jocelynn's warm Kangaroo costume from last year! She was SOOOOOOOOOOO cute!

Then Halloween day came and the last 3 days have sucked! Friday (10/31) my temp took a nose dive! All I can say is FUCK! My temps were looking normal and I really started to think that maybe this was my month! Then Saturday night (11/1) I began spotting. FUCK!!!! Ok, so I had my usual sad end to this cycle, but there is next cycle drink! White Russian...YUMMY! But this morning NOTHING!!!!!! FUCK! Maybe I shouldn't have had that drink? Why does my body hate me so????

I told myself I was not going to have anymore pity parties. I lied! I hate that I feel like I have no way to get through the heart break of every month except to throw myself a pity party. I just keep wondering what I did that is so horrible that I would be punished like this? Thousands of woman get pregnant every month who don't want to be, most ending it with an abortion! Am I the only one that finds that crazy!

Then i feel guilty because I have a beautiful daughter and that should be enough! She is! I truly feel blessed everyday that she is part of my life, but, I have always said that I didn't want to have an only child! All I am asking for is 1 more! Kinda a compromise on my end since John and I originally wanted 4 when we first started ttcing! Ok, that is out of my system. hopefully I can move on to the next cycle.....I jusy hope that if the witch is gonna show, she does it so I can move on!

In other news! Jocelynn did the cutest thing yesterday! She asked John is she could have some candy. Of course he told her to come ask me. She did and I said No (It was only about 10am). She looks at me matter of factly and said "Well, Dad said if I asked my Mother I could." *shocked* I lost it. Laughing so hard, the tears were running down my face! Where does she come up with this stuff!

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