Sunday, October 26, 2008

Halloween and the 2ww!

So the last few days have been interesting. Nothing 'exciting' is happening other then driving myself crazy in this damn 2ww. I think it is even more crazy since I know there is no point in poas. HPT's don't work for me which is a total bummer since all I have ever really wanted to see is those 2 beautiful pink lines or the beautiful word pregnant on one of those. I have HPT left, that after I confirm pregnancy with a BETA, I will try. I will just keep telling myself that even if it comes back negative, I am in fact pregnant!!!!

As far as a BETA for this month, I have promised my girlfriend that I will call the Dr. and schedule one for 11/3. I will be 17DPO. I was going to wait longer, but I really want to know either way before my herbal consultation on 11/5, so if I am pregnant he can re mix my herbs then and I won't have to make a repeat appearance!

Other then the time dragging by, I am soo excited for my CO girls who are venturing down paths that may lead them to their BFP!!!! I can't wait to find out their good news around Thanksgiving and then around the first of the year!!! PRAYING for you ladies!!!!!!

Trick or Treating this week and I am so excited! This will be Jocelynn's first year going out, and I have some of my girl friends coming over with their children so we can march around the neighborhood! In 2006, Jocelynn wasn't quite a year old, so we just went to family, and 2007 Jocelynn was sick as a dog with a fever, so we ended up staying home! Sh is all excited to get dressed up and everyday practices saying "trick or treat". It is so cute. I have also heard her practicing "happy halloween". I just chuckle to myself and let her have her fun!

HAPPY HALLOWEEN everyone!!!!!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008


I had my second herbal consultation with the acupuncturist yesterday. It went fine, he did tweak my herbal mixture a little. Good news is I don't have to go back for 2 more weeks (11/5). Unless I do become pregnant and then I am to call him right away! John continues to go once a week, I guess only time will tell if any of this is going to help! I should be testing around the 30th, but since HPT's don't work for me, I will wait until about November 6th or 7th and if AF still isn't here I will call the Dr. for a blood test! WAITING YET AGAIN!!!!!!

I have been busy myself with the kiddos. Jocleynn, Brooke and Wyatt keep me very busy. I take advantage of nap time. I defiantly need that time to unwind, clean and do something for myself. Because after nap time come the busiest part of my day, Dinner. Making dinner for 3 adults and 2 three year olds and feeding the 9 month old keeps me pretty busy!

On top of everything above, I have been being Suzie homemaker..LOL. Mom and I have made the apple sauce, apple pie filling (2 pies made already too YUMMY!!!) and apple butter. Along with shredding the zucchini and mashing the pumpkin and freezing it so we have 'fresh' ingredients for our breads around the holidays!!!! (this has been happening for the last few weeks)

I don't know what has gotten into me. I have become the good little house wife! I have more energy then I sometimes know what to do with. Also, my overall mood is happy. Very strange for me. What are those herbs doing to me? I have a reputation of being a bitch to uphold! LMAO!

Monday, October 20, 2008


First off let me say AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

Ok I feel better. John has been having issues with his sinuses all his life, well Last year he started seeing a Ear, Nose and Throat specialist.....if you can call her that.

John's first surgery was Nov. of 2007. He was out of work for 2 weeks and we though, yay, no more issues. Man were we wrong!

John's second surgery (for the same issue) was in Feb. of 2008. We thought, ok there could be no more issues right....WRONG!!!!

John is back to see this specialist (under protest from me, he thinks she is a great Dr.) this month!!!!!


John started seeing Dr. S. after he had a sinus infection that wouldn't go away after several week (with antibiotics). She decided surgery was the best course because his actual sinus passage was blocked and needed to be cleared. No problem, we were ok with that. The day of the surgery comes and John is wheeled into surgery and about 3 hours later, I am told she is done and he is in recovery. Great! Well, not so much. She couldn't finish the surgery because he started bleeding too much. Ok, obviously, there is an issue with bleeding and we will have that checked out.

The first week post surgery was ok, he was healing and not in too much pain. Well, that Saturday, all hell broke loose. We ended up in the ER twice withing a 12 hour period, because he began bleeding from his nose. The first visit to the ER they placed packing in his nose. ewwww. and the second time we ended up in the ER was because it was bleeding through the packing. The ER was so busy that he basically laid on a cot in the room and the bleeding stopped on his own...WTF, I'm glad he wasn't DYING!!!!!!

We had John's bleeding time tested and her was fine, in fact he clotted so well, that I am now thinking he may have a clotting What does this mean? The Fing Dr. was in a hurry with his first surgery and nicked something that got him bleeding....grrrrrr

OK, so the second surgery I was super nervous. I didn't really want to go through what I had been through with the first surgery, but it needed to be finished. He was in the operation room for 1.5 hours....ARE YOU Serious. You can't tell me she finished what she had to do??? Whatever, I really don't like her and I or my daughter will NEVER be going to her!!!!!

Post surgery was much better this time then last time. He was only out of work for a week and we had no nose bleed issues!

So here we are present day, still dealing with this bitch of a Dr. WTF. John likes her and thinks she is a great Dr. whatever!

So now John has been dealing with breathing issues and a sinus infection. So he goes for him 6 month check-up, perfect timing if you ask me, and she puts him in a Pretnizon (John is not very nice on this and she knows it, you can't tell me there isn't another steroid she can put him on. She knows he is nasty on pretnizon and I think she does it to spite me..LOL) Why the steroids? He now has polyps in his nose. WHAT? WHY? Because he has sinus surgery! WTF, why wasn't that a warning before we went ahead with the surgery?

So needless to say, I am not happy with my husbands choice in Dr.'s!!!

Saturday, October 18, 2008

Just Life!

So this morning was exciting. I found Jocelynn had got a hold of a pair of scissors and had decided to give herself a haircut...... Luckily, she had only managed to snip a few pieces, and they are nor noticeable at all. I was so upset. I love her hair and I am afraid that if I trimmed her hair she would loose all her beautiful curl.

Mulan had a Vet appointment yesterday. She is healthy, just her annual check-up with shots. She is a little petite thing. 6 pounds 3/4 ounces. She has only gained 3/4 of an ounce in the last year. the Vet wants me to start giving her canned food in and morning and at night. She has dry food available 24/7 but I guess it isn't enough...LOL I think she is just perfect for a cat, but she is a little on the thin side. I just thought she was a lean, mean, hunting machine...LOL

Other then that, life has been pretty boring. I am headed into yet another 2ww. Trying to keep myself busy so I don't obsess over every little 'symptom'. What does help is the herbs the acupuncturist gave me seem to have helped with my energy level. I am helping that will help with the keeping busy....LOL

The herbs are so nasty that I went to the loval Herbal Path and purchased empty pill capsules. Just to give you an idea of the herb amount. I have to take 10, yes TEN, capsules twice a day. The capsules I purchased are the biggest size 00. About 3/4 to an inch long and about as big around as a pencil. I would take 50 a day, because it is much easier to take them in the capsules then trying to force down the water mixture or shooting with a juice chaser. John is also on 2 herbal mixtures. The things we do to get pregnant!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008


All I have to say is YUCK!!!!!! I'm not sure what they are, the acupuncturist gave me a personalized mixture which I take mixed in water. Last night was my first dose and I barely got through it without yacking it back up. So this morning I decided to take the mixture, dry, and shot it like a shot and chase it with some orange juice. Much better!!!! It still taste like burnt licorice, but I don't have as much to drink, know what I mean!

I'm sure it will get easier to take, and I figure if John can take 2 seperate mixtures like that, then I can at least do 1.

My next appointment is Tuesday (10/21) at 3:15. He may have to tweak my mixture, I don't know we will see.

This morning I have been busy. My mother and I decided to make apple pie filling and can it for the holidays. We hope it will make out baking easier. We canned enough for 7 apple pies! I can't wait to try it out, the mixture smelled AMAZING!!!!!!

Monday, October 13, 2008


Today was my first acupuncture appointment. Not so much with the needles, but a consultations to start herbs. It was interesting. It was weird at first because he was asking allot of questions about my cycle and flow when I get my period, and since I have only ever seen female OB/GYN's it was a little awkward, but not horrible. He gathered allot of information and asked allot of questions that made me think.

I will start seeing him once a week and hopefully start my herbal remedy tomorrow. He is also going to try and help me with my headaches, mood swings and lower back/sciatic pain. We will see. Hopefully in a few weeks (if we haven't gotten out BFP) I will begin with the needle portion!

Sunday, October 12, 2008


Today has been a great, busy day. We were able to close the just reminds me that summer is over, yet again.

Also decorated for Halloween. That was fun. Jocelynn had a blast helping me fill the little pumpkin and ghost bags with leaves so we could hang them on the maple and apple tree in the front and side yard. Of course, we would rake the leaves in a pile to make filling the bags easier and she would run through the leaves yelling, "ha ha, I run through your pile!" It was very cute. below is the picture of the front yard after we were done. We haven't raked the leaves because personally I like them there and I refuse to rake until all the leaves have fallen.

Also the leaves on the trees are amazing. Below is the trees in the front yard and a close up of a tree in the side yard.

When Jocelynn wasn't running through the leaves she was playing with Spanky with his ball. Running and laughing. I so do enjoy these days.

Also Jocelynn helped Grammie plant about 5 dozen tulip bulbs. She was so cute and wanted to be the one to place each and every bulb in the ground. Next spring will be fun, watching for the first signs of life after a cold, baron winter.

So it was a busy day today, but we took full advantage of the unseasonably warm weather.

Friday, October 10, 2008

The Journal...

SO I decided that now is just as good a time as any. Below are the journal entries from when I was pregnant with Jocelynn. The date of the entry will be before the entry......

The Wait -- 11/16/2004
Notes: It has been a long 3 years trying to get pregnant. Finally after the many months of disappointment we decided to get help. I have been seeing a Fertility Specialist for only 1 month now but all the information has been good. I have been diagnosed with Poly cystic Ovarian Syndrome. The link below will give you more information on this syndrome. The good news is this month because of the stress and pressure to get pregnant is no longer on my shoulders I may be pregnant. I will know on 11/28/04. The Dr, says that my body ovulated and did everything correctly so wish me luck and keep me in your prayers.

Still Waiting -- 3/12/2005
Notes: Well, No positive test in the last 3-4 months. In the beginning of my last cycle I began taking hormones. Great news, they worked, just a little to well! I have 2 maturing eggs, possible twins, that is news that is hard to swallow. But, still very happy news for my husband and I. We have the support of both of our families and that is great. As well as both of our places of employment are 100% supportive. I guess it pays to work for small companies. I have another Dr. appointment tomorrow and we will see from there how things go. Everyone reading this please keep us in your prayers. Thank You

We're Expecting! -- 3/18/2005
Notes: After 3 1/2 years my husband and I have the news we have been longing to hear. We are Pregnant!!!!! What joyous news. As much as I wanted to wait a few weeks to spread the news it became increasingly harder until I couldn't do it anymore and ended up calling most of both of our families. It was excitement from everyone. It still hasn't hit what wonderful news this is but I'm sure it will soon! Words can't express how happy we are!!!!!

It Begins -- 4/7/2005
Notes: Well, Spoke to the Dr. today, I had a few concerns about what I should and shouldn't be doing and different things I am feeling. Thank goodness she was very patient and helpful. I have allot of questions and concerns since this is my first pregnancy. I am very excited because I was able to schedule my first ultrasound for April 26, 2005. I'm very excited as I will be hearing the heartbeat(s) for the first time and will know for sure whether or not it is twins, which is another avenue all together. My husband and I could not be any happier. Can't wait until we know whether it is a gal or fella, but that will be in time. Right now I am just getting used to the idea of being pregnant and being able to welcome a or many little ones into the world in December.

Ultrasound -- 4/26/2005
Notes: What a wonderful experience. My Husband and My mother were with me for the ultrasound. We were very happy to find out that it was just one baby and not two. Although twins would have been fun. The Dr. says everything looks great and the baby is right on schedule. It was awesome to not only see the baby but also see and hear the heartbeat. "he" also wiggled during the ultrasound which was very cool. I begin my office visits in two weeks and can't wait to have the next ultrasound in 10-14 weeks (when I'm 18-22 weeks pregnant) This has definitely been a great experience and can't wait until I know a little bit more about this little person growing inside of me.

Heard Heartbeat -- 5/11/2005

Notes: What a wonderful sound. At only ten weeks (which is early) I was able to hear the beautiful heartbeat on the Doppler. It has such a calming effect.

Monthly Checkups -- 6/2/2005
Notes: I can see now. I'm going to have a stubborn child! It was great hearing the heartbeat again, I'm sure it will be great every month. What was unusual was the way the baby reacted to the invasion of his/her space. I was able to hear the heartbeat for about 20 seconds before he/she decided it wasn't comfortable so he moved. The Dr. was able to find the heartbeat again, but after about 20 seconds, he moved again and that was it. It was almost like he was running from the Doppler. She tried for about 10 minutes and he just wouldn't give it up.(sounds like his father) She said not to worry that everything sounded good for what she heard and that the baby already has a mind of it's

Monthly Checkups -- 6/28/2005

Notes: Things are beginning to get interesting. Although I am only 17 weeks, the doctor says I am measuring 20 weeks. I guess in a way that is good considering I'm loosing weight it still lets me know that the baby is growing. They are sending me for an upper Abdominal ultrasound. I have been having some sharp pains and burning, so the doctor wanted to have an ultrasound to check my gallbladder and other organs. I won't know what was found for a few days. The Baby is doing good and the heartbeat is strong. I can't wait until the 18th of July I have a ultrasound scheduled and hoping we will finally know if its a boy or girl.

It's Going to be a Girl!! -- 7/18/2005
Notes: What a thrill and surprise all in one. It a girl. When I thought for sure I was having a boy. I'm excited either way as long as she is healthy and growing.
Monthly Checkups -- 7/18/2005
Notes: Everything is right on schedule. The baby is in the 54% and growing and moving exactly the way she should be. The Dr. is not concerned with the weight loss as I have gallstones that prevent me from eating fatty or greasy food therefor the healthy eating habits are providing enough nutrition for the baby and allowing my body to get rid of some of the fat stores. She said she would be concerned if the baby wasn't so healthy. Now the fun starts. Planning the nursery and buying fun baby stuff. I can't wait. I think she already has daddy wrapped around her little finger. Good news I passed my sugar test, but I get to do it all over again in 8 weeks.

Monthly Checkups -- 8/15/2005
Notes: Well, the Dr. is a little concerned about my weight loss. Even though I am a larger woman to begin with they don't want to see me loss any more weight. It's funny, the first time in my life a Dr. has looked at me and told me I need to eat more. The good news is that I am only 24 weeks pregnant but I am measuring 26 weeks. So obviously she is still growing. It's nice to finally have the movement going on. It makes everything SOOOOOO real every day.

John (Finally) Felt Her!! -- 8/30/2005

Notes: Finally our stubborn baby girl decided she wanted to show off for her Daddy. We have been trying for weeks to get her to kick for him and she seems to know exactly when his hand is on my belly. She would kick 3-4 times and then instantly stop as soon as his hand got near my belly. Last night I informed him to just barely place his hand on my belly and "wham" 2 seconds later she gave me a wallop, and what perfect timing. Hopefully this is the start of many good wallops although I may change my tune in a couple of weeks when I can't sleep (lol) but until then it's an amazing feeling!

Childbirth Classes -- 9/3/2005

Notes: What an experience. John and I spend the weekend at the hospital for child birth classes. It was an eye opener. Not allot of stuff we didn't know other then the drug options but it definitely made everything a reality. We walked away with a little better understand of what to expect and I think it made John feel a little better prepared.

Monthly Checkups -- 9/13/2005
Notes: Not allot new with this check-up. I'm 28 weeks and measuring 31 so the Dr. has decided to send me for an ultrasound to make sure that she isn't growing to fast. He heart beat is good and very loud! The Dr. thinks we had the Doppler at her back and that is why it seemed to be so loud. I'm feeling really good but seemed to have 'popped' in the last couple of days. My ultrasound is scheduled for 9/15/05 so I will make another entry.

Ultrasound -- 9/15/2005

Notes: She is right on track. 3 pounds 1 ounce. she is in the 64th percentile. Which is perfect. She definitely has an attitude already. She did not appreciate the pressure on my belly. But she did eventually get used to it. She is really moving now and I FEEL EVERY MOVEMENT! It's great most of the time but every once in a while it seems like she does it just to annoy me. LOL I love it anyways. My appointments are now every 2 weeks so I will be adding more frequently!

Monthly Checkups -- 9/27/2005
Notes: Everything is good. This appointment was different then my other because I actually saw a Dr. instead of a midwife. That will not be happening again unless it is necessary. The Dr.'s at the office are great but I miss the 'personal' interaction that you seem to get with a midwife. As long as everything is healthy with the baby I'm happy.

The Nursery -- 9/29/2005
Notes: The nursery is complete! For the most part anyways. The crib, a dresser/changing table, armoire and rocking chair are currently sitting in this beautifully decorated room waiting for the arrival of the bundle of joy. John and I decided to decorate the room in 'Gossamer's Wings' which we purchased at Babies'R'Us and the border we placed in the middle of the room, the top half was painted yellow and the bottom a green. Pictures will be added shortly. I've washed, folded and organized the hand me down clothes and what few new clothes have been purchased. I can feel myself starting the 'nesting' stage. I'm always doing something in her room, even if it is just reorganizing the already organized dresser and armiore. My husband just chuckles at me.

Work Baby Shower -- 10/10/2005

Notes: What a surprise. Here I thought I was staying late at work to help my boss organize and find some papers and low and behold it was a SURPRISE for me. It was great! Jocelynn received all her grooming supplies and bath supplies, diapers and wipes, blankets, her monitor, crib tent, rattles, dishes, ornaments and even a basket of stuff for me to pamper myself with. It was really a surprise and I can't believe they pulled it off. LOL.

Bi-Weekly Checkups -- 10/13/2005
Notes: Finally, John was able to attend a regular appointment. She is great. Head down and gaining and sounding wonderful. I'm feeling the effects of being pregnant. Aches and pains but I'm trying to enjoy all of it.

Unfortunately that is where I left off. I can say that her EDD was 12/4/2005 and she mad her grand entrance on 12/12/2005 at 1:58am after 82 hours of labor.

Whatever it takes...

John has been seeing the acupuncturist for a few weeks now, and we have decided it is my turn. My first appointment is Monday at 3pm (est). I am a little nervous, but I know it is one step closer to getting a BFP!!!

I have finally overcome the heartache of last month. Hope and excitement are wonderful until you have to come crashing down. It was a HUGH roller coaster of emotion with some serious ups and downs! But I have moved on and I am actually looking forward to this cycle!!!!!

On other news, I found the online pregnancy journal I kept with Jocelynn.....I will be transferring the written entries to here soon. It brought tears to my eyes, because I relived all of the happiness and excitement all over again!!! Hopefully I will do the same thing with the next pregnancy!!!!

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

I love this time of year!!!!!

Photobucket Fairy Princess!!!! 2008

She is so cute in her Halloween costume!She loves to dress up! I am very excited about this year since she will be trick or treating for the first time! (2006 she was too young, we went to family, 2007 she was sick as a dog for trick or treat night) So as long as things go good this year we will be visiting family and the neighbors! Just enough to let her have fun!!!!!

Below are her last 2 costumes!!!!!

Photobucket Photobucket Kangaroo 2007 (The tail and baby kangaroo in the pouch was too cute!!!)

Photobucket Chicken 2006

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

The results are in......

So the Qualitative blood test was negative. WTF!!!! Why does my body and mother nature HATE me. I think it was a chemical pregnancy, but without a true BETA, I will never know. All I DO know is that I am NEVER late and I did ovulate this month.

The good news is the witch didn't take long to show....I was spotting this morning and now it is full force! So cd1 today and on to next month....... *gaah*

Monday, October 6, 2008


So here I am in a crazy waiting period......I went this morning for a BETA. I am going on 3 days 'over due'. Which to most people isn't a lot, but I am one of the lucky who have a regular, almost to the hour, cycle. Having PCOS, this is one thing I treasure! So being 3 days 'overdue' is a HUGH thing. I have POAS twice and both time BFN.....but, I was 4.5 months pregnant with my DD and POAS and even that was negative! I think I am one of the rare few who don't secrete HCG in my urine....*gaah* of course I wouldn't!! So tomorrow I will know for sure one way or another!!!

With all this going on I have realized why I was 'blessed' with infertility, if I could look at John and get pregnant I wouldn't know until I was in labor because I can't poas.....LMAO!!!!

I have decided that I work on a home beta Kinda like the diabetic testing machines, but it will test for hcg. I truely wonder how hard that would be....LOL

On the other hand, John hoch his breathe because of the gunk in his chest. He does bring some of it up, but not enough to stay ahead. He has been on antibiotics for 2 weeks now! So I called the Dr. for him and he will be going back to be checked out today. I know he is feeling like shit when he wakes up and asked "how early does the office open?"

Please pray for us! I hope this ttc journey will finally have the outcome I wanted and that John finally starts feeling better!!!

Saturday, October 4, 2008

I'm seeing a trend.....

......that is, month after month after month it is always the same......BFN. Why, by now, should I expect anything else? AF is due tomorrow and I really hope by some fluke, she will stay away for.....I don't know.....the next 9 MONTHS!!!! Thanks to my 'sisters' for trying to help me stay positive....I guess only time will tell.....again with the waiting *gaah* If AF isn't here by Monday/Tuesday I will call the Dr.

On to other news.....just tired of having a pity party!!!!

It was a day for just Jocelynn and I to spend together.....I really look forward to these days, and today it was much needed. She must have sensed something because I lost count of how many time she came to me, out of the blue, and hug me and say "mommy, I love you!" Made me tear up on more then one occasion! It was just what I needed today.

I'm looking forward to my weekend with John and Jocelynn. I am hoping to go check out The Apple Harvest Festival in downtown Dover. Just something to get us out of the house and enjoying the fall weather! I am tired of sitting in the house!!!!

John is feeling better. He called the Dr. at the beginning of the week and was placed on stronger antibiotics. I am afraid he has walking pnemonia. I will be keeping a close eye on him!!!

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