Monday, September 29, 2008

Life.....

Life has a funny way of happening all around you.

John is still sick, and I am seriously starting to worry. I will give the antibiotics until Thursday to start working or I call the Dr. again. It has moved from his nose to his chest and I'm not playing around with that shit.

Other then life we have just been going day to day. I'm trying not to freak out since I only have 4 more days until testing!!!!! I kinda know in the back of my mind and in my heart that it will be a BFN. I have NO symptoms....not even the fake ones that my body likes to trick me with. But, never the less, I need to POAS just to make sure!!!!!

Jocelynn has been so busy lately. My Mom taught her the Hokey Pokey, so she has been running around singing that all week. Also just dancing up a storm. She can't hear music without wiggling her little bottom. It is the cutest thing. Every day she amazes me with something she does or says. She really is turning into an adorable little girl with a personality most would die for....LOL (but I may be a bit partial....lol) He latest is saying WOOHOO after something that she is interested in doing. For instant at dinner I will say "dinner's ready." and she will Woohoo all the way to the table....LOL Also I have started having to give her choices on items. Such as what to wear, drink, or eat for lunch. If I say "Jocelynn come here so we can get dressed". She will look at the outfit and say "Mommy, I don't love it!" WHAT? *shock* But if she is given the choice between 2 outfits she is happy. Also I have started letting her choose her own hair piece. It makes brushing and fixing her hair much easier.

I am having a hard time letting her make some of these choices. I don't want to admit that she is growing up and able to make these choices on her own. I don't want to let my baby go...LOL....I know I am crazy. At the same time she is so much fun and bring so much joy to my life! I sometimes sit at night, watching her, and wonder what we ever did for 'entertainment' before she was born...LOL Now if only we could be blessed with another child!

And then I feel guilty for being so upset that I am having trouble with #2. So many of my wonderful girlfriends are struggling with #1. I would give up my chance of #2 for them to be able to have their first. They all deserve it soooooo much and I know that all of them will be blessed at some point and will be WONDERFUL mothers! They have been there for me in more ways then they will ever know and I don't know were i would be without them! Love you Ladies!!!!!!!!
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Tuesday, September 23, 2008

Sick again!!!

Well, it has been almost 2 weeks. As you can imagine we have been busy and SICK....again! Saturday night we went to the Rochester Fair. Jocelynn had a great time, but all hell broke loose on Sunday. Jocelynn woke up with a temp of 102.4, which would come and go all day depending on if she was due for Tylenol or not. John has a Sinus/virus/infection thing going on (he hasn't been to work for the past 2 days). He went to the Dr. today and they put him on antibiotic and gave him a new allergy med, Clarinex, he had been taking Allegra but that gives him backaches so severe that he sometimes has a problem sleeping. Also the Acupuncturist told him in order to treat the back pain, she recommended he stop the Allegra and as soon as he stopped the pain went away.

I have not been feeling as bad as John and Jocelynn, but I am not 100%. Sneezing, stuffy nose, watery eyes, and a cough. I would have thought that it was just allergies, but I have been taking Claritin all week and it isn't helping. Today is the best day since Saturday. Jocelynn is not running a temp any longer, but she is still not 100% either. Dealing with a cough, runny nose and sneezing. Hopefully by the end of the week we will all be MUCH better!

On the TTC front, I am in the 2ww. Funny thing is I seem to not be as obsessive as usual. I believe the being sick and taking care of a sick child may be the thing that took my mind off of it all. Thankfully, John didn't get sick until after I ovulated! Timing this month was PERFECT......at least I think. It was nice to finally have my sex drive back! It had been missing for sooooo many months...LOL Testing is in 11 days....I am going to try and hold out, depends on how I am feeling. Wish us luck!!!!!!

Friday, September 12, 2008

Ramblings......

Thursday John had his 3rd acupuncture appointment. It went well. He will be going twice a week for a couple of weeks (Tuesdays and Thursdays). I will only update about them is anything new happens.

This week has been pretty good. FINALLY the computer seems to be fixed....MAN I HATE VISTA!!!! If I had my way we would have bought a Mac, but no John wanted a PC....Now he says he wished he had listened to me.....LOL...man I love when I am right!

Did some canning this week. Made applesauce and canned it and also processed two pumpkins (aka Muk muks) and placed them in the freezer in 2 cup measurements.....i think I will be all set for the holidays. I now have enough Zucchini for about 8-10 loafs of bread, enough pumpkin for 8 breads or 4 pies and 3 large jars of applesauce. We are thinking about going to Butternut Farm and picking some more apples. I would live to make apple pie filling and can it. I am praying that all this canning and freezing will make the holidays easier. I plan on doing a TON of baking this year since I will be home. I LOVE to bake!!!!!!

I have also started a list of 'supplies' for Thanksgiving. Because of the price of groceries, I am trying to pick up the items I can in advance....one or two each week. We will see how that goes.....just can't stand the price of groceries anymore. Makes me want to move out to no mans land and start a farm......raise and grow EVERYTHING myself. Who am I kidding....I don;t want to have to do that much work....LOL

On a side note! Welcome Jackson Robert!!!! He was born yesterday to a friend!!!!

Now I can't wait to meet Braydon and Charlotte, anytime now!!!!!! I am not so patiently waiting....LOL. And Derek in a few weeks!!!!!!!!!!

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

2nd acupuncture appointment!!!

The appointment when good! different placemement of the needles ~ weird places if you ask me ~ but I trust the know what they are doing! He purchased another powder to mix with water. This one is far worse then the other one, but he is taking them like a trooper, faithfully every night. Man I really love him for going through all this just to help us have another child!
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Jocelynn has been a completely different child the last 2.5 days. Minding much better and her attitude has calmed a bit. I guess taking the calmer approach is working. Let see how it continues.....I am sure she will have her good and bad days!!!!!!!
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I found out yesterday that my girlfriend is due April 13!!!!!! I am so excited and can't wait to see them again! Hoping they will beable to make the trip in December! Time will tell!!!!!!
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Not much else is going on.......but I seem super busy (I guess watching two 2.5 year olds and a 8 month old will do that! LOL

Sunday, September 7, 2008

CD 1 SUCKS!!!!!!!!

The witch decided to make this past month an official bust! GAAH!!!! I am happy that she didn't make me wait and wonder, but it would have been nice to not see her for the next 9 months!!!

I have stayed pretty busy today. John, my Mom and I took Jocelynn apple picking. It was fun and Jocelynn LOVED it! I will be making applesauce and pie filling. Mom and I will be canning it to use this holiday season. Also made some salsa from the tomatoes and green peppers from the garden. Can't wait to try that! It was nice to focus on something else besides my failure as a woman!

This week should be pretty quiet. John starts his 4 day work weeks. So we will have Friday, Saturday and Sunday together as a family. I can't wait. Not sure what we will do, but painting the garage (if the weather holds up) sounds like a good idea. Maybe one Friday we can go to Canobie Lake Park. We haven't been this year and Jocelynn loves the rides ~ we will see!

John has his second acupuncture appointment tomorrow. Hoping all goes well. He says he thinks the herbs the acupuncturist gave him are working....we will see in the next few weeks.

I have been thinking about checking out the town library. Seeing what programs they offer to get Jocey a jump start on reading. She loves books and I think just spending some time looking at book that she doesn't see everyday will keep her entertained. ~ Today was better then the past week. She has been listening much better and curbing her attitude more. Seems I have found a form of discipline and praise that is working (thanks Jody!!!).

On the ttc side, we have decided to not do anything this month. No u/s to check follie growth and no temping. I will still keep my chart, just so I know were I am in my cycle.....but we are trying the 'let's not make it the focus of our life' approach. Praying it will work. I'm just afraid I will be more crazy not knowing. Maybe I can keep busy.

Saturday, September 6, 2008

Parenting Frustrations.....

Jocelynn has been very easy to potty train, and I thought we had pretty much succeeded until this week. She has had at least an accident a day.....and usually after she has just sat on the potty. There is rarely a time when I sit her on the potty that she doesn't at least pee, a little, but something. This past week has been very different.

I have also been dealing with a very strong willed and mischief child. Purposely doing things that she has know all along she can't do, mouthing back to me and purposely being mean to Wyatt and Brooke. Also acting like a baby....climbing into my lap and say gaa gaa and goo goo and telling me she is a baby.....I can't figure her out.

I know kids go through a period of jealously when thing in the house change.....but I have been watching Wyatt (my friends 7 month old) since the middle of May...and Jocey is just now acting up about it? I have a feeling she is doing some MAJOR testing and it has about broken me. Her attitude alone rivals a 16 year old.....what the hell am I going to do when she is actually 16?????

I guess for now just staying consistent and not letting her get away with things is what will work....I just feel like I am constantly on her about something.

For example a typical day consists of beginning our day with a battle about getting dressed....she would stay in her PJ's if I let her. Then I am on her to eat breakfast...she is mot a breakfast person and usually only eats a banana or yogurt. Then if Brooke comes over (My niece who is 3 weeks older then Jocey) it is usually breaking up there fights.....I don't break every one up, because they need to handle conflict on there on, but to tell you the truth, Jocey can be a bully! I do have the 'once in a blue moon' days when they don't fight......and if Wyatt is here, I am constantly asking her to leave him alone...she is a mother hen and is always 'picking' at him. Then a battle over lunch....usually because she likes the meat and cheese in her sandwich but not the bread. Then nap time, easily 1 to 2 hours to get her to fall asleep....I just don't want to admit she is probably ready for no nap.....but when she doesn't sleep, she is a bear at night. After her nap and supper are pretty easy because John is home.....when he speaks, she jumps,,,,WTF!!! Bath time is not so bad except she fights me when I wash her hair.....and bed time is the easiest. She gives kisses and goes to bed with out a fight.

WOW.....My child is out of control now that I write it all out. Please don't get me wrong, Jocelynn is a great daughter...just extremely trying....I think I am seeing now why we haven't been able to have anymore.....maybe a blessing in disguise at this point.

But, then you take last night...we went out to dinner, and to the mall and iParty (started shopping for her b-day party and Christmas) and you couldn't have asked for a better behaved child. I don't know...just venting. Hopefully as she approaches her B-day things maybe will get better....one can only hope....LOL

Please don't get me wrong....I love her and she is a blessing to me everyday....but also frustrating to no end! I still would not trade her for ANYTHING in this world!!!! She is MY world!

Thursday, September 4, 2008

LIFE

OK....so yesterday was John's first Acupuncture appointment. He said everything went well, didn't elaborate much (you know how men are). What surprised me was the fact that they only places about 2 dozen needles in his ankles, wrists and neck.....I would have expected much more! They did say that the next appointment (Monday 9/8) would be much more. They also placed him on Fish oil supplements and gave him a powdered mixture to help his immune system. We will see. I am trying to be optimistic without placing all my chickens in a row (if you know what I mean).

On to other news....I decided to test this morning since I am 13DPO.......I was not surprised when it came back BFN....glaringly WHITE!!!! In the back of my mind I am hoping that it is to early, but truthfully I know better. I am surprised that I am not as upset this month as I have been in last months....guess I am just used to the disappointment. I'm sure I will have my melt down when AF shows....I always do....but then I will get up and dust myself off and start the next cycle....at least until mentally I can't handle the TTC anymore....and I have a feeling that is getting closer then I want to admit.

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