Saturday, May 12, 2012


That one word says it all....overwhelmed.

There is so much going on with Jocelynn, from Kindergarten graduation, to her surgery, I started filling out the registration paperwork for 1st grade next year (public school which I'm unsure how I feel about), and her behavior problems in the last week. I am at a lost.

Not to mention frustration and disappointment at work.

I also seem to be on a huge shit list. I don't feel like I'm doing anything wrong, but it seems there are many people unhappy around me. I feel like I am pulled in hundreds of different directions and can feel myself pulled very thin and on the verge of breaking. I can't even really explain it.....which makes me even more frustrated!

Some of the issue may be the weather. It has been rainy and cool for the last 2 weeks, finally today the sun is out, but I don't feel like going out and enjoying (especially since my hubby is working ALL day)! The only reason I feel I am out of bed is for Jocelynn's sake, and even she seems to be pushing my buttons. I know it is not her fault, but I have had to "take a break" more times then I want to admit.

For once I would like to feel like there is someone out there that doesn't expect me to be perfect! I want someone (besides my hubby and daughter) to make time for me, not vice verse. I want someone to ask me if I am ok, and not expect me to know all the answers. Not leave every decision to be made in my hands. I want to follow, not lead.

I feel like I am put out there to fail. Everyone looks to me to lead so that when shit hits the fan, there is someone to blame.

I can sit her all day and complain....I don't want to. I want to get these feeling out of me and move on! I want to be happy! I'm just not sure how to take that first step in the right direction......I have to keep trying! For no one else except my family!

Sunday, May 6, 2012

Jocelynn's Surgery

Yes, Jocelynn is having surgery. She needs her tonsils and Adenoids removed. So, when our health insurance was officially active on May 1st, I called the Dr. June 29th is her scheduled surgery date. I picked that date for 2 reasons, it is after her Kindergarten Graduation (June 15th) and she doesn't have daycare for the July 4th week. With her surgery being on the 29th, her recuperation will be the week of July 4th. So instead of having to take 2 weeks off (the July 4th week because there was no summer camp and post surgery recuperation week, I combined them....I know I'm a genius

I'm not going to lie, I am nervous as all get not. My baby girl is having surgery...eeeekkk. Everyone can tell me she is fine, Her Dr. is one of the best, he does this all the time, it like second nature for him....I don't care, it's MY BABY GIRL!!!!!

It was so bad, my heart was racing as I was talking to nurse and scheduling it....*sigh*

She knows she is going to have surgery at some point, I just haven't told her it is scheduled. She has been very nervous about it since we left the Dr. office back in Nov/Dec. I will tell her, I'm just not sure when. I want to do it far enough in advance as to not "spring it" on her at the last minute, but not far enough that she worried herself sick over it (which she will do). I have told her that when she has her treatment so her throat doesn't hurt....and that seems to be ok, it seems to the the big S word (surgery) that freaks her out. 

I guess time will tell, and I am sure she will handle it better then I give her credit for, she usually does.

April Update

Where do I begin with April.

In April, Jocelynn had school vacation and Good Friday off from school. For Good Friday, I stayed home with her and we brought Mulan to the vet. Mulan is perfect (a quote for the vet, but I already knew that). I had the privileged to watch Brooke and Gage for the night, it is amazing that you forget what having a 1 year old is like. They were both great, it was a different routine for me and every time either one of the moved, I was

Happy 3rd Birthday to my sweet nephew Tyler! It is hard to believe he is 3 already!

Jocelynn, Brooke and Gage at Easter
Happy Easter!!!!!! Jocelynn, Brooke and Gage were so cute on the Easter egg hunt, although Gage was bored with it after his 3rd egg....LOL As you can see by the picture, Gage was ready for a nap and not into having his picture taken!

Happy 1st Birthday Gage!
Happy 1st Birthday to my handsome nephew Gage! One year flew, but I am so blessed that my wonderful sister-in-law has kept me up to date on all thing pertaining to Brooke and Gage!

Jocelynn continues to do wonderful in Girl Scouts, but is undecided about next year. Some days she wants to continue, and then other days she says she doesn't. I guess I will continue to ask her and at some point she will have to make a decision.

Work has been frustrating and emotionally draining. That is all I can say about it, but I pray every day that things will change for the better again.

Happy Anniversary to Julio and Jody! 10 years is a wonderful milestone and there will be many more happy years ahead!
The new do!
April also saw a change for me, a new hair style. It is a modified pixie cut (that what my hair stylist calls it) I'm unsure about it. It is definitely different and it will take some time getting used to and figuring out how to style it. Only time will tell.

On the TTC front, John and I are trying some herbal supplements. I can't wait for May 1st when we have health insurance back and I can go back to the Dr. 

March Update

March was a strange and mainly quiet month. Beginning with a snowstorm on the 1st that had me working from home and Jocelynn had no school. In my mind, once March hits, there should never be snow. February is the cut off.

March was a very busy time for me at work. One of our larger fundraising events happened on the 18th, which meant overtime and extra work for myself and fellow co-worker Alaina. It was a very frustrating and patience trying time, but we both survived and the event was great!

On the TTC front, After the disappointing and heartbreaking miscarriage at the end of February, we decided to take the month of March "off", reconnect as a couple and not let TTC takeover our lives! It was a much needed break!

February Update

Here is the beginning of the updates.........

What happen in February???? 

First off, let me start by providing before and after pictures of Jocelynn's haircut. She was able to donate around 11 inches to locks of love.
Before....her hair was so long!
After the hair cut!

I was offered full-time at work on January 30th. As much I loved my schedule of working 32 hours, the new 40 hour schedule came with benefits that begin on 5/1/2012! 

February also marks another Birthday for me......33! After 30, another year isn't that bad except for the fact that I am moving closer and closer to 40....

With it being my Birthday month (when you get to a certain age, you celebrate all month!) I was able to have some fun times with some of my closest friends. Alaine, Kayla and Ashley came over on the 4th for Girls night in and then I spent the 11th shopping until we dropped with Andrea! What more could a girl ask for???

February was still pretty calm and laid back, with the weather being still cold and yuck, there isn't much to do outside. Our schedule gets supper busy when the warmer weather hit.

On the TTC front, John and I did receive some very happy news only to be hit with some very sad news. We managed to find out we were pregnant (finally) only to get devastating news a  few days later. Miscarriage is never something I want to hear about, but to experience it twice in 3 months is truly heartbreaking. December 20th and February 20th (both months with important event happening and joyful family times) will forever be slightly painful and tinged with an amount of sadness. 

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