Thursday, January 29, 2009

Too Much to Ask?!?!?!

I'm not sure were this is coming from. Maybe because I just finish 3 of the most amazing books I have ever read. Can't wait to read the 4th. Maybe I shouldn't torture myself and just learn that my husband is who he is and I love him unconditionally for that! But, can't he have just ONE SMALL ROMANTIC BONE IN HIS BODY? I know deep in my heart that he loves me more then words could ever express, but couldn't he try? Take my face in his hands and tell me how much I mean to him? That his world revolves around me and with out me nothing else matter? He will tell me he loves me, and even we bicker about who loves who more. I love that, but I ALWAYS am the one that prompts it.
Maybe I just being to picky? Maybe I am being too old fashion. I want to be lead into a room with his hand on the small of my back, open the doors for me to enter, hold the car door for me, place his arm protectively around me when we are out. Maybe I was just born in the wrong era? Instead I found a husband who has a hard time with public displays of affection. Don't get me wrong, I don't want to make out in public (although it may spice up our life...LOL) but just the small things. Like when we are out and I shiver, place a warm arm around me. Lean over and kiss my forehead to show me you care.
For example, Jocelynn and I have been sick for the last 2 days. Today my Mom had off so she watched Jocelynn and I spent the day in bed. John came home and not once thought to come up and see how I was feeling or if I needed anything. And then he wondered why I was upset. We seem to have fallen into this 'comfortable' life were he knows I am here and doesn't feel the need to try. I want the beginning of the relationship back. The way he made me feel special. Not with gifts, with his attention.
I do this often. I don't want to change him, I just wish..... I do this when I find a great book or movie that is romantic and I wish and pray that John would read the book or watch the movie and take notes.

As all things, this too will pass and I will be content again with what I have. I know I am the lucky one, I know he loves me and He is my world. Just sometimes I just wish.........

Tuesday, January 27, 2009


So much for the pregnancy symptoms (soar bb's, Nauseousness and tired all the time) and wishful thinking! This morning AF showed and I couldn't be more depressed about it. I am just tired of this rollercoaster ride and want to get off! Unfortunately I won't get of until I hear the greatest sentence on earth: "you ARE pregnant!!!!"

So I will have my pity party today and then tomorrow I will be ready to tackle the next cycle! This cycle John and I decided to try Soy Isoflavones. I figured it still fits into my "no meds until March" because it is natural! I hope we don't have to go back to the Dr. in March and this is the little help that we need! Wish us luck!

Not to go find something bad for me to snack much for my diet today!

Monday, January 26, 2009


All I have to say is if you haven't read the book, you need to!!! It was a great book! I started it last night (1/24/09) after Jocelynn went to bed at about 9pm, read until 11 pm, was up at 5am and finished the book about 1pm! I just couldn't put it down! Now i can't wait to read New Moon and the rest of the series!!!!! Plus, I can;t wait until the movie is on DVD (3/21/09) so I can watch that too!!! Wish now I had gone to see it in the theaters!

Sunday, January 25, 2009


John and I had a nice date night on Friday (1/23/09) Nothing fancy, just dinner at our favorite restaurant, Texas Roadhouse and then we did a little Best Buys, Michael s, Dollar Tree and Wal-mart! What a night on the town...LOL. It was nice to go out with my husband and just spend the night talking about adult things. No talk of Jocelynn or TTC. Just life in general! I felt like we reconnected. Not that we were unconnected, but life has a funny way of putting you in a rut and every once in a while you need to climb out of it!

Girls Night Out! (1/24/09) Not really what I expected, but fun all the same. 3 of my girl friends and I got together for some much needed no children, no husband time. What did we do? Hang out at my house, ordered in pizza and played Life and Sorry! Man we are just TOO WILD!!!! LOL. What happened to the days of going to the club? They stopped when I turned 21 because it just isn't my thing! It was really nice to just have some me time with my friends. I am such a home body anyways that this was right up my alley! I'm hopping we can do it again soon!!!!

The basement is coming along! John has the walls all done with the Sheetrock up and it is all muded. We still have not decided on the color, but we will be picking that out this week! I can't wait until it is done!

So our weekend has been pretty busy. With lots of fun things to do...LOL.

Friday, January 23, 2009

Happy Birthday!

Wishing My very best girl friend a Happy Birthday! Jody I hope you have a wonderful day!!!!!! Wish i was there to celebrate with you!

Tuesday, January 20, 2009


Am I the only one out there who isn't the least bit interested in the events of today? Why the big deal. This will be the 44th time we have had a new face as a president, why the big to do about Obama???? Don't give me the race card!!! He is only HALF black and BIG DEAL! I find it very racist!!!!

Don't get me wrong, I love the idea of a African American as president, but it needs to be someone worth celebrating!

Just my opinion! Do with it what you like, but don't leave me nasty comments! I don't look down on you if you votes for him!

Monday, January 19, 2009

Updates ~ about everything!

My Grandfather ~ SO today was the day we got the results from my grandfathers bloodwork! No leukemia or blood disease. In fact the Dr. doesn't know why his white count is elevated. So he is going to monitor it. Then in the next breath, he says his COPD (which he has had for years from smoking) could cause his count to be elevated. WTF! Some Dr.'s need a swift kick in the arse!

Jocelynn ~ She has been doing great! We still have our attitude moments, but for the most part we are very much better behaved! She is listening and playing better with Brooke and Wyatt. I just hope and pray that this continues, but in reality I am waiting for the other shoe to drop and her behavior to change and the testing to begin again!

TTC ~ So here I am today on CD 19 ~ 8 DPO. I am having severely soar BB's and I am hoping this is a great sign! My EDD would be October 8, 2009. My family might have an issue with this (yet another October Baby) but I could care less! The background behind an October baby is my Mother has 5 sisters and 4 of them were born in October along with my grandfather and MANY cousins. But I don;t care. What will frustrate me is hearing "another October Baby." I guess I will just have to deal with it. I am just praying and hoping that this is our month and this ordeal we started in December of 2006 is over.....until the next one....LOL
Of course I won't find out until the end of the month! I could test as early as Friday (1/23) but since I have never had a positive HPT (even when I was 4.5 month pregnant). SO my plan is to wait until the 2nd of February and if AF hasn't showed then I will call the Dr. to get a blood test! But, really, who am I kidding, I will pee on a stick in the hopes that for once I will see those 2 lovely pink lines....LOL

So all in all, things have been pretty boring. That is ok I will take the plain and boring!

Sunday, January 18, 2009


What a surprise.....It's snowing....AGAIN! What should I expect living in New England!
Here are the pictures so far and it is still coming done....hard!

The Back Porch, You can get an idea of how much snow we have by what is on the railings. It's only Noon here and it isn't supposed to stop until tomorrow morning!

I must say the trees are beautiful when they are all snow covered!

Needless to say, it is a good day to curl up with a book. Looks like I will be starting Twilight!

Saturday, January 17, 2009

A Good Start!

So, my first week of dieting down and I lost 3 pounds!!!!!! WOO HOO!

I am a little surprised since I really didn't add exercise into my daily routine. I just began with watching what I eat and adding more veggies to every meal. So this coming week I will start with exercising every other day. By the end of February I would like to be exercising 30 minutes a day/6 days a week!

Friday, January 16, 2009

3 Months!!!

WTF! John has yet another sinus infection. If you haven't read my post back in October, yes October (3 months ago) please read that first by clicking here!)

So he had yet another appointment with Dr. Bitch (under protest from me) and sure enough he is on Pretnizon again,(his polyps are back) with an antibiotic and another appointment set for 2/2/09. This time I was unable to go, and I wish I wish I had. You know how guys are, they never ask the right questions. Being a mother and a woman who is in the Dr. office 4-8 times a month, I have learned to speak up!

I don't know what happens if this course of treatments doesn't work. I don't think it is healthy for John to be on Steroids every 3 months. His frequent sinus infections are really no better then before we spend $50,000 in surgeries (OK, so the insurance company did, but we still had 3 weeks of lost wages)

He did tell me that if he lost weight it would help the situation....WTF is that EVERY Dr. excuse when they have messed up? So John told her he was working on that and he doesn't even east 2000 calories in a day and has an active job (electrician). So she said considering that she wants to do Thyroid testing. This makes since because 2 of his sisters have thyroid issues (one is over active and the other is under active) this could explain somethings. So we should have result at his next appointment, which I will be going to!!!

John doesn't understand my dislike of her. HELLO!!! We spent all that time, energy and money to make him feel better, and we are in no way better then before the surgeries....... So why did we bother? She probably has a child in college and needed the tuition money! Man I sound bitter, but I am tired of John feeling like crap and I worry at any moment he could have a major asthma attack and I could loose him! All I want is to have my husband healthy! I will do anything to make that happen, even if it mean continuing to see the Dr. from HELL!!!!!

Sunday, January 11, 2009

A New Me!!!

Tomorrow is it! The start of my new life! I (along with John and my Mom) have decided to change our eating habits. We decided that tomorrow was as good a day as any to start. Shopping was fun (and expensive). Lots of veggies! Very few carb. and sugary items. We plan on doing alot of chicken, turkey and fish with steak once a week. Wonderful Lean Cuisene meals for lunch. I find lunch is my hardest meal because I am here alone and feel more comfortable eating without having someone around to "watch" me.....LOL

Mom had a great idea. Once a month we are going to have a junk food day. I still know I can't go over board, but I will have that one or maybe two things I have been craving. I figured this idea will come in handy when I am PMSing. My goal is to loose 50 pounds by my wedding anniversary (6/8). SO I do have my work cut out for me, but with smaller shorter term goals I thing I will have better success then saying I need to loose 120 pounds. That seems like a big number and with no goal date.

So 6/8 here I come and I WILL be 50 pounds lighter! Wanna follow my progress check out my page. (CLICK HERE)

Tuesday, January 6, 2009

Stupid Dr.'s!!

My grandfather had a Dr. appointment, what we thought was to discuss his course of treatment....WRONG. They are not even positive he has leukemia. WTF..... They have to do the biopsy today and the results will take 10-14 days. All they could tell him is that he does have an autoimmune/blood issue which is most likely Leukemia! GAAH

I know I should look at this as good news, especially since it isn't necessarily leukemia, but why get us all worked up like that. I know, Dr.'s have to give us the worse case scenario.

The thing that makes this hard is we are getting the updates from my Aunt. My grandfather can not speak and I'm not sure how much he comprehends. He had a stroke years (over 10) ago and has been paralyzed on his right side ever since. His speech and memory are also effected. My Aunt received the phone call on Christmas Eve (very rude in my thoughts) with the possibility of Leukemia. She was very upset and, just like I would be, concentrated on the worse case scenario and that is what she relayed to us.

Luckily my Mother went to the appointment yesterday, and although it is her father, she can stay much calmer and have a clearer head then her sisters!

Please keep him in your prayers and I will know more in about 2 weeks!


Monday, January 5, 2009

I hate shots!

All I want to know is why do immunizations and flu shots have to be shots? You can't tell me there isn't a easier way to provide this stuff to kids? I have always hated taking Jocelynn to the Dr. for her shots, but it has gotten worse. She now understands what is going on.

I took Jocelynn for her Flu shot about an hour ago. Needless to say, she was not happy. She was fine until we got into the room. She didn't want to sit on the table or take her shirt off for the shot. All she kept saying was "no mommy. please no." I felt like I should have 'bad guy' tattooed on my forehead. How can a mother be expected to purposely hurt their child like that.

Sunday, January 4, 2009

What a Weekend.....

So, where do I start? There has been allot going on in the last 3-4 days.

Bad News: I found out that my Grandfather has Leukemia. After months and months (and months) of issues with his white blood count, and the Dr. saying it was from an infection, they have determined that he does in fact have leukemia. STUPID DR.'S. WTF is wrong with some people? Seriously, they didn't think that months and months of a high white blood count could or would be something other then an infection? Grandpa has an appointment tomorrow (1/5) so I will know more then. Please keep him in your thoughts and prayers.

Frustrating: I think it is really terrible threes! Jocelynn has been a BEAR! I don't know what to do and I am beyond frustrated with her attitude and tantrums. The worst has been today. I was so frustrated with her tantrum that I picked her up, put her in her bedroom and closed the door. She proceeded to scream at the top of her lungs while banging on her door. She gets herself so upset, that she makes herself sick. I just don't know what to do. I have tried everything and I am seriously at the end of my rope.

I do know that one of my biggest issues is my lack of patience. What book can I read to learn that....LOL. Jocelynn is usually a busy girl. Always doing something and given the chance she will talk your ear off. Lately she has had an attitude that makes my skin crawl. Her favorite word is no and just today we have had 2 potty accidents. I am thinking that the holidays just messed with her schedule and in about a week she will be back to her old self? I find myself wanting to give into what she wants, just so I don't have to deal with the tantrums and screaming. I know this is not the way to handle things and do so would just make my situation worst. I just have to stay consistent and stand my ground. I have a feeling she will be spending allot of time in her bedroom and in the time out corner.

As if things weren't worst, she hasn't been taking her naps. I know this is contributing to her evening tantrums. I just haven't found anything that gets this girl to take her nap. Makes me want to give in and give her Binky back. I don't want to, but the girl needs her sleep. She has only asked for her Binky twice and it has not been asked for since Christmas day. I guess this is my payback for something being easy.

Fun: Yesterday was My Mother's Side of the family Christmas Party. It was fun. Our family seems to have had a baby boom in the last 4 years. There are 7 kids under the age of 4. and 5 others between the age of 6 and 11. WOW. It's funny how we went years with just 1 or 2 little ones and then all of a sudden my cousins and I decided to all have children at once. Family gatherings have become a blast with all the little ones running around!

Tomorrow starts my fun. DIETING....yuck! I am determined to loose 50 pounds this year and keep it off!

Thursday, January 1, 2009

Happy New Year!!!


I have only 2 words that best describe 2009 so far.....HUNG OVER!!!!!

Last night was soooo much fun!!!! Let's just say American Idol Karaoke and alcohol mixed make for a VERY good time!!!! Jekka did get some video so I will have to snag it and post it! I have not laughed that hard in such a long time.

I found 2 new drinks I LOVE....(thanks Brandy) X-rated is a shot that tastes like Grapefruit......YUMMY! And Passion Fruit Malibu Rum mixed with Green Berry Rush Hawaiian Punch. Oh my word! That combination is DANGEROUS! I am a drinker who doesn't like a strong drink, and with that combo you couldn't taste the Rum at all! It was fantastic...LMAO. Man I feel like a lush, I can honestly say I am far from it! Very rarely do I drink, but when I do, I make up for lost time....LOL I am paying with a headache today, but it is worth it!

I am glad last night was such a blast. I really needed it! I was delivered the blow of AF showing in the middle of the fun. I was determined that I was going to have a good time no matter what! I believe I succeeded! So we are onto another cycle. Again no meds, just the good old natural way! but, enough about that! Only time will tell what 2009 will bring, but I am going to do my best to make it a GREAT year!!!!!

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