Saturday, May 12, 2012

Overwhelmed!

That one word says it all....overwhelmed.

There is so much going on with Jocelynn, from Kindergarten graduation, to her surgery, I started filling out the registration paperwork for 1st grade next year (public school which I'm unsure how I feel about), and her behavior problems in the last week. I am at a lost.

Not to mention frustration and disappointment at work.

I also seem to be on a huge shit list. I don't feel like I'm doing anything wrong, but it seems there are many people unhappy around me. I feel like I am pulled in hundreds of different directions and can feel myself pulled very thin and on the verge of breaking. I can't even really explain it.....which makes me even more frustrated!

Some of the issue may be the weather. It has been rainy and cool for the last 2 weeks, finally today the sun is out, but I don't feel like going out and enjoying (especially since my hubby is working ALL day)! The only reason I feel I am out of bed is for Jocelynn's sake, and even she seems to be pushing my buttons. I know it is not her fault, but I have had to "take a break" more times then I want to admit.

For once I would like to feel like there is someone out there that doesn't expect me to be perfect! I want someone (besides my hubby and daughter) to make time for me, not vice verse. I want someone to ask me if I am ok, and not expect me to know all the answers. Not leave every decision to be made in my hands. I want to follow, not lead.

I feel like I am put out there to fail. Everyone looks to me to lead so that when shit hits the fan, there is someone to blame.

I can sit her all day and complain....I don't want to. I want to get these feeling out of me and move on! I want to be happy! I'm just not sure how to take that first step in the right direction......I have to keep trying! For no one else except my family!

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