Sunday, November 2, 2008

GAAH!!!!

Life has been super busy and boring all at the same time.....LOL

First off my computer sucks! AGAIN! It really works fine other then the fact it won't log onto the Internet! (I am using the slower then I don't know what old one right now). John needs to take some time and figure out WTF is wrong with it. I WANT MY DAMN COMPUTER BACK!!!!!

Trick or treating was great (10/30)!!!!! John and I took Jocelynn around our block with 2 of my friends and their kids. A total of 6 kiddos in all! It was fun! We were only out for about an hour, but the last 3-4 hours you could tell Jocelynn had had enough and was ready to go home. Thankfully we had enough brains to bring the wagon so i didn't have to carry her. (Bee send me some of the pictures) My damn camera would work in the cold weather! Thankfully I had Jocelynn's warm Kangaroo costume from last year! She was SOOOOOOOOOOO cute!

Then Halloween day came and the last 3 days have sucked! Friday (10/31) my temp took a nose dive! All I can say is FUCK! My temps were looking normal and I really started to think that maybe this was my month! Then Saturday night (11/1) I began spotting. FUCK!!!! Ok, so I had my usual sad end to this cycle, but there is next cycle drink! White Russian...YUMMY! But this morning NOTHING!!!!!! FUCK! Maybe I shouldn't have had that drink? Why does my body hate me so????

I told myself I was not going to have anymore pity parties. I lied! I hate that I feel like I have no way to get through the heart break of every month except to throw myself a pity party. I just keep wondering what I did that is so horrible that I would be punished like this? Thousands of woman get pregnant every month who don't want to be, most ending it with an abortion! Am I the only one that finds that crazy!

Then i feel guilty because I have a beautiful daughter and that should be enough! She is! I truly feel blessed everyday that she is part of my life, but, I have always said that I didn't want to have an only child! All I am asking for is 1 more! Kinda a compromise on my end since John and I originally wanted 4 when we first started ttcing! Ok, that is out of my system. hopefully I can move on to the next cycle.....I jusy hope that if the witch is gonna show, she does it so I can move on!

In other news! Jocelynn did the cutest thing yesterday! She asked John is she could have some candy. Of course he told her to come ask me. She did and I said No (It was only about 10am). She looks at me matter of factly and said "Well, Dad said if I asked my Mother I could." *shocked* I lost it. Laughing so hard, the tears were running down my face! Where does she come up with this stuff!

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