Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Taking a Break

Not completely.....as that would kill me. Kinda the not trying but not preventing!

ok...so after much thinking and talking with John, we have decided to stop all medical help and TTC the good old natural way! No RE, no acupuncture. Just temps and BD. Hoping to get back to enjoying BDing again instead of it feeling like a chore.

We have not been to the RE in a couple months, but I have been updating her monthly with each new cycle. The Acupuncture is expensive to say the least. $88 a week for John and $85 every 2 weeks for me. With the holidays coming up and us on 1 income, I would rather start a savings account for when a new bundle of joy finally arrives for us!

I have not been in a good place for months. Tired of it all! This actually explains it best ~

I have become a person that I can't live with! I am jealous and resentful all the time. I am constantly seeing pregnant women in the store and such and immediately, I am in a bad mood.

I have decided that until I can focus on what I have in life instead of what I don't, then God will not bless us with another child. TTC has taken over my entire life and I feel like I am neglecting Jocelynn. I hate the thought that I may be missing some of the best years with Jocelynn because I was too busy worrying about giving her a brother or sister!

I know that in order to feel at piece with how my life is I must open my heart to God. John and I have decided to go back to church. Our first mission is to find a church that we feel comfortable and welcomed in. I decided to bring my feeling about going back to church to John the other day, and surprising enough he has been feeling the same way. We feel like there is something missing in our lives and marriage. We have always thought that is was another child. We now know that we were incorrect. We have not been to church since we were married in June of 2002. Although we loved our church then, they have become to large for us to feel comfortable in.

There are a few options in the area, and we have a family friend in the next town who knows alot more about the churches in the area, so John will be talking to him and asking him what he thinks.

This is a jumble of thoughts and I'm not completely sure if all my thoughts written down can be understood. I just know that something in my life has to change and I am the only one who can take the steps needed.

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